This is my first post here. I'm not sure if I have even put it in the correct place or not but here goes...In a talk my H and I had the last week I told him i had been getting on this site and I had printed out several pages of stuff for him to read. (love busters and others on trust). Sunday he knew where it was at i got it out while in the truck. Monday i took it into the house and put it on his nightstand. that night before going to bed he reads through the first few love busters then puts it up to go to bed. has not touched it since and this is friday. he's had time and has been at home. this is also the same man that told me he'd do anything and that if i wanted to order the courses he would do it w/ me. how much longer should i give him to read what i've printed out? If he's not going to read that then why should i think i should purchase the course? Am I being to impatient? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

When was the affair? If it has been longer than 6 weeks he should be willing to be spending the time working on the issues if he also sees you changing. Just keep working on you and he will hopefully come around IF the affair has really ended. Mine hadn't and that is why I was getting the same deal you are. Very frustrating but really we can't control their addictions. You just have to learn how to live one day at a time. Try counseling maybe to get it kick started again? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> amy

This was short lived, one night stand as far as i know 1 1/2 months ago in jan. My main issue has been the total lack of respect for me as a person much less his wife and himself and out marriage over all. He continually lies and will or i dont feel he has given me a straight answer yet and if things really did happen as he says.....well lets just say it's a very sad thing that shows TOTALLY no respect. he would rather me resent him than tell me the truth. i'm getting to the point i can't stand him. he expects us to have sex and it all go away. i did turn him down for the first time last night though...hehehehe made him mad. LMAO i just think if he was really interested that he would be wanting to read more than what he has. perfect timing for all this crap..my b-day was the 1st and our 23rd ann. is sunday and i'm supposed to act as if nothing is wrong? i don't get it.

PG,

Please move your post to the Infidelity Forum under General Questions II...it gets the most traffic.

Have you been reading on that forum about boundaries?

In the Lovebusters...you read about selfish demands. That's when you demand him to change.

Boundaries demand that you change.

You cannot control another human being...we aren't made that way. He can agree to do something and not do it.

As far as sex goes...did you both get tested for STD's?

You lovebusted him with manipulation when you turned him down and took pleasure from it, btw. That would be dishonesty.

And then you DJ him in the next sentence.

Moving your post will help. I know you've been betrayed, know your pain and am not bashing you. I'm pointing out that getting the most out of MB is doing it for yourself.

Why would you be dishonest and act like nothing is wrong? Why would choose to do that?

I'll look for your post in the other forum. You're worth it. Please do not doubt that you are valuable.

LA

i'm not sure how to move this besides the ole copy and past thing....i can fully understand what you are saying by i took pleasuare in turning him down. for the matter of fact....i'm still so angry at him...and for the first time in 23 years i did it...so yeah....i'm glad i turned him down... okay...so the dj part...i'm still new to this...what the heck is dj???? sorry i don't have all the short lingo down yet.

Okay...my post went into oblivion and I have to start over. :::: God's way of showing me that this cut and pasting thing is really important. lol!

Scroll up to your first post and put your cursor at the beginning of your paragraph. Hold down the left mouse button and drag down the highlight to the end of your post. Release the button. Push ctrl-c and the highlighted portion will be copied to your clipboard (very courteously). Then click your way to the Infidelity General Questions II forum and make a new thread. In the reply section, click so your cursor appears and then push ctrl-v...your post will be inserted.

Very cool. Also, in the future, you'll be able to use this cut and paste stuff a lot. Good idea (from what just happened to me) is when you make a reply, go ahead and highlight it and copy it to the clipboard BEFORE you hit "Submit" for it to post. That way, if the net monsters eat it (as they just did mine), you can go get back to where you started and have the whole darn thing with ctrl-v.

Whew.

Did I say, "Thanks for replying!"

I did in the one that didn't make it. Ack.

Here are the links you need to understand the abbreviations (and I said they are confusing at first but worth it because otherwise our fingers will fall off...but it isn't funny the second time around for me): Abbreviations Decoded

Here are the links on this website for the articles: Love Busters


I just did lovebusters because that pertains to DJs...disrespectful judgments. I'm not doing all the links I did before because I think that helped launch my post into the cybersphere, never to return. My guess. I dunno.

However, this link gets you to the articles area that you can bookmark from your browser under "Favorites." Then you can return to that section anytime...best place here. When you are looking at Lovebusters, look to the right and to the left and you'll see links to Love Bank, Emotional Needs, and all the Lovebusters spelled out individually. Great stuff.

I'm going to try this again now. Glad you're here and very patient with me!

LA

Take the time to read here. Make this a priority in your life. This is your life so take it back. The tools are all here. Call the radio show ask some questions they will send you a free book you can pick the one that best fits your problem. I got surviving an affair and I am in negotiations with him to come back to the house if he is willing to sign the marriage recovery aggreement. Sounds like your man needs to do some reading and agreeing or it maybe time to go to Plan B for him. You deserve care, protection of your feelings, good time spent together and honesty. Those are the four rules to a good marriage learn them and burn them into your life so he can see what is needed to have a happy life too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> amy