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With that info, you ought to call the police.

L.

Dazed-

I'm with Orchid.....that's twisted. I'd be scared for her.

God Bless,

-Caren

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Let us know what you find out (if you want to).

take care,
L.

I'm praying right now, Dazed...

Dazed,
I read your post this am and have a heavy heart concerning your sitch.
I've read your thread from the beggining and I am totally devastated of what has transpired in the last two days or so. Your weekend was so full of promise, and the dismisal of D seemed to indicate a reversal of thoutht on the part of your WW.
After reading the ensuing posts, I must come to the same conclusion as others have said, in that, your WW has manipulated you one more time. Why? Because she knows that she can!!!!
It's time, Dazed, more than time for plan B. To me you have been a warrior. I can't imagine having the strength that you have exhibited dureing these very trying months that you have edured.I will always admire you for that strength. A strength I know I could never have had. But it is now time for you to develope and implement Plan Dazed. I know other respected posters have advised you that all is perfect and going to plan but I will humbly disagree.
If the plan was working, your WW would not have spent the night with OM. Time to release her Dazed, comp;etely cut off all contact as in Plan B, and move forward with your life.
You need to protect your DD in all this, and insure that she understands that this type of behavior is completely unacceptable and will destroy a family in a heartbeat. There are some very destructive lessons your DD is lerning from all of this, Dazed, and you need to correct those lessons ASAP. I don't care whose plan you are using, the evil lessons to your DD need to stop, and stop right now!
Alas, this becomes your responsiblity to do and right now. It is obvious you WW does not care what is being taught to your DD and thus, now becomes your responsiblity. Sad, but true!
At the risk of going against other, more wise posters than myself, I would suggest you contact your lawyer ASAP and reinstitute the D proceeding. I don't think there will ever be a resolution in your case until you you have D'd your WW and then see what ensues from that point on.
She is just not going to get it, until the whole mess is dumped squarely on her lap, including not having custody of your DD.
I wish you the very best in my prayers,
Jerry

Dazed,

I know this looks bad but you need to go back to what Lexxxy wrote and what I wrote yesterday. There were two possibilities. She would go or stay.

Did you get the order yet? I am almost certain that she is very much scared, and she probably feels no protection from OM. As I said before, either way it goes, you will need it. This should not go on one more day without it.

As always make sure you document this!

On the issue of Plan B...please remember what Plan B is for. I am not saying it isnt time. I am saying, Plan B is for YOU to escape. If your wife has left, then you should definitely go straight to Plan B, send her the PBL, change the locks on the doors...and get an emergency custody hearing for your daughter.

I again will say that she WILL NOT end up with the OM. If it werent for his threats and pressure, she would NOT be over there. She would be home. Some may see all of this as manipulation, but I dont see it. I think what she said last weekend is the truth. I think if you go back thru everything she has said and done, you can only come to one conculsion. And that is that she is heavily addicted and scared.

If she was trying to manipulate you Dazed, she would be doing things differently. She wouldnt have run off with the OM last night. All of her actions are ones of a woman that has no clue what she is doing!

So, as I told you...this thing is at its end. Time to make the boundaries higher. Your wife doesnt get to come home today and hug you and cry and say I'm sorry. She willingly abandoned you and her daughter. You still have the same legal case. So, get your attorney on the line, get the emergency hearing on custody and get the order.

I still say your marriage isnt over and what she showed you last weekend is the truth. But she is an addict. Treat her as such. Take care of you. Dont LB during this.

Dont lecture her or go off on her. Just move forward. I am still betting she will follow in the end. As you move forward, you may go to Plan B. But Plan B is not the moving forward part. This other stuff is.

In His arms.

How are u? Is she safe?

L.

Sorry to hear the latest, but not surprised.

This has so much to do with her self-esteem. She doesn't feel worthy of you. OM is much more on her level. She still has some moral superiority over him. With you she's scum, with him she's on a pedestal (thats in HER warped mind...)

I agree with getting your lawyer back involved. Get an emergency hearing. Get FULL custody of daughter. Get restraining order against OM. Let her live out this fantasy. Be ready for her to come back. HOWEVER, her coming back again will be on YOUR terms, not her.

Oh gosh, this is sad.

Dazed...

I am hoping and praying that you are all safe and well...I am in agreement with MM and Lexxxy...Were you able to get the emails that I sent you from my MSN account yesterday? As always, you are more than welcome to call Mr. W and I anytime that you need or want to...we are here for you...

Mrs. W

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i am a long long time lurker who registered to post to you. i have read the story of your dazed and your love and compassion for your wife is remarkable. your wife clearly loves you and i would please help her come back to you. the om in her life is evil and is making her do these things. don't underestimate that please. she was at the movies with you today and held hands with you. that says alot. i have read mortarman's advice and he is so right. plan b is not for you i dont think now. your wife and daughter need you to bring her home and you are so close to ending this once and for all between them. your wife knows you are what she wants but the other man has in a way brainwashed her. she doesn't want to do these things to you. this is him using her as his evil doing. if he would leave your lifes, your wife would be yours to love and cherish, i just know that. dazed, you are a hero on this board to many. you are what every man should strive to be like. compassionate and loving and forgiving. all of these people who think letting her go to the om are in my opinion wrong. steve harley has led you this whole way. please do not forsake him now. that man is a true healer and miracle worker. a modern day saint in mine and many eyes. don't do anything untill steve has approved it. please.please. your plan a is a textbook example of what all of us betrayed need to do. please listen to mortarman and frank who are wise men who have both recovered marriages that have been on the brink of death. these are the men you need to listen to and follow. NOT the men and women who advice you and have divorce on their record. this is not meant as a slight to those divorced. but dazed marriage is so very close to being saved. it is almost there. talking about the evils of his wife and of the negative things are not healthy to him. all of these minor setbacks are in the script for a recovery. dazed, your wife knows in her heart that you are the one she wants. we all see that and the om also sees that. your behavior and integrity are what every man here should try and be. i know things are hard now but the affair is on respirator support and dying. the om is hanging on for everything. you are the better man and person. don't ever give up on her. your mission in life is saving this marriage and you are an inspiration to us all trying to save our marriages from the evil of divorce. i am so proud of you and know you will have a beautful and recovery marriage when this om is done doing his evil to you and your wife and daughter. please remember that none of these things that your wife is doing are her fault. she is addicted. please listen to steve about this. this is not her it is the addiction and the om doing. would you give up your wife if she had cancer??? no you wouldn't. this is the same exact thing dazed. listen to mortarman and frank and steve harley. they will lead you and your wife back to recovery and a beautiful marriage. you need to heed the advice of those who have done and are where you want to be.never even think about divorce and separation. please don't. god wants you to be married. i know he does. he wouldn't bring this pain on you if he didn't want this for you and your duaghter.

bless you and your wife and dd

I'm a newby around here to.
I read your threads last night and have been thinking about your situation for the past 12 hrs.

I just want to lend my support for you. This is sooo tough, you are a strong man. ((((dazednconfusedks )))

For what it's worth and keep in mind I am a newbry.
I think you need to let go. Plan B. There's one thing I have learned in life is you can't make decision for others, even when you KNOW it's in their best interest. You've proven OVER and OVER to your W where your heart is, it's now time for you to let go and get on with it for your own sake and your D, especially your D.

If at some point your W wants to retun it is then on your terms and nothing less. I have NO doubt she will return, but that is my opinion only, you know your W AND ultimately it is your choice.

Letting go is one of the hardest things you will do but you have to step back now and have FAITH!!

FAITH in yourself and what you mean to your wife and that you have proven yourself to her, again and again.

FAITH that she has what it takes to come around and see what she has done and is doing to her family.

And more important FAITH if Plan B fails that you and your daughter will survive and move into a better place than you are now and get on with your lives.

You need to make YOUR choice both for yourself and your daughter and then it is your wife's CHOICE.


Love and prayer are with you.

Ladylayla,

Either you were waiting for me to get back from Jamaica to start your own thread OR you're on a post a week diet.

What's up with you? I really don't push like this often but I have sensed from the get go you're itching to jump in, share, and start your own thread.

Whenever...this is a safe place (a little slow on the weekend though...I say Monday afternoon you start...OK)

Welcome again.

Mr. Wondering

LOL .... yeah that's it! You have me figured. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Dazed, I think a very large part of this is a spiritual battle for your wife's soul. And I think the closer she gets to breaking free, the harder Satan is going to fight to keep her.

I'm thinking you need to be in constant prayer for your wife. Constant.

I don't think the actions she took this weekend are ANY DIFFERENT than the ones she's been taking for months.

I also don't think that its going to be any different next weekend, or the weekend after. She will continue to be conflicted and waffle back and forth between the two of you indefinetly.

And yet again, when you avoid her she comes running. She IS afraid of pushing you too far away. That is why I think Plan B will have a TREMENDOUS affect on her.

Not to mention giving you some peace from this disaster.

Just consider it, dazed. Still wishing you the best.

Dazed-

Not sure how many will agree with this advice, but what the heck.

Personally, I think that you need to set some CLEAR guidelines on her coming back. She's basically walked in and out whenever she's wanted to up to this point. I suggest that you use this opportunity to set things up so that in order for her to return, she's going to have to make some serious, permenant changes BEFORE she can come back.

1. Quit her job so that she's not so accessible to OM.
2. Agree to NC, and RO/PFS against OM.
3. Personal and marriage counseling. Probably family counseling too at this point.
4. Open book- she's not been trustworthy for ages...she's going to have to change that if she wants to come back.
5. RECOGNIZE THAT THIS IS HER LAST CHANCE- There are no more 'get out of jail free cards' left for her. You have limits in what you can take and accept from her. Its time to grow up.

Personally, I know that 'ultimatums' are contra-MB, but I made it very clear to my wife what I would expect if she remained with me. I DO think that you need to set this very clearly for your wife to see...and if she doesn't like it, then her choice is to remove herself completely from your life.

Just my thoughts man...

Still dancing to her tune, eh, dazed?