SITREP, Dazed.

I hope you have gotten that order by now!

In His arms.

We have not talked about Friday night and Saturday morning at all.
I wanted her to tell me with out me pulling it out of her.
Of course I have hit around the issue but WW did not take any of my lead ins.

Saturday night she spent time with our daughter and was friendly with me when she came home. Again Saturday night she wanted to sleep together. DON'T read into that. We have not really kissed in six months and no SF at all for a year. When I say sleep, that is all it is.

Sunday morning we talked for a while and I let her know again that how I felt about her actions. I told her that her choice to try to make him happy that many people paid the price for that... Mrs.Dazed, Mr.Dazed, and Daughter Dazed.
I know that it's not good to lecture or educate so I just did not say much more about it. I did tell later in the evening that I was very much hurt by this and I am not okay with pretending it did not happen. She did not say another word and then slept on the couch for the night.

Today she just got pulled into her bosses office and written up for leaving work again last Thursday when she went over to OM after I called the cops on him.
She was told one more day she is fired.

We do have a phone call set up with Jennifer tomorrow night. I am really wanting to direct the conversation towards developeing a plan for us that makes it clear to both me and WW what we need to be doing. This way I am not solely the rule maker and enforcer. We both can take ownership of a process that has US as the common goal.

I do feel it is time that I make forward movement a requirement for us. This way she see's a clear path to not only take but must be traveled at some point in order to have me in her life.

Sounds good.

But again...what about the order??

In His arms.

Will SH brief Jennifer about your sitch? Since you have counseled with him some many times it would be ashame to waste time getting her up to speed?

Dazed-

Was curious how your session went last nite, as well as an update on the RO/PFS...was curious if you had enough that you could at least get one against OM for YOURSELF and your DAUGHTER...given the threats, etc...

Hey Dazed, didn't y'all have the phone session with Jen.... How's about an update...

Dazed...


If MM isn't going to say it then I will...SITREP Dazed...


Mrs. W

Look at Mrs. W taking charge!!!

Ditto what she said.

In His arms.

Well if they are both going to say it then Mega-Ditto's on what he said she said....

Hope you're doing alright Dazed...and praying that the session last nite was beneficial for you AND Mrs Dazed. You've got a lot of peeps here on MB rooting for the both of you to come through this my friend!

I will have to come back later, hopefully tonight.

The call was moved till tomorrow night now.
Wife is acting the best she has since we moved over a year ago.
She is really making an effort now. Obvious a long way to go but it really appears she is now working on being Mrs.Dazed.
She wants to talk to Jennifer. She has already made a list of questions that she has shared with me.
She has also completed the love bank questionaire for jennifer.
Jennifer asked that she do some home work before the phone call. Read the basic concepts and skim over the book surviving an affair, which I have.
As for OM... Not sure what is up. I know he is still emailing her and begging her to come back and guilt tripping her.
Mrs.W... Did you ever get a reply from her? Now might be a good time to drop a short hello to her. She really seems to be trying. She is reporting to me many times a day and also okaying with me her time away from work or home.

I wish I could stay but really got to run. Just think... If I am not in front of my computer after five, it is because i am with her.

I will try tomorrow-I have dd's parent/teacher conference and then dd will be home-I'll still give it a shot...yes, I did get a quick reply the other day...I sent her two emails in response...


Good...I hope that we don't hear from you then... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Mrs. W

Woo-hoo! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Dazed-

Sounds like great news!

But...status on the RO/PFS? NC letter to OM?

Hate to be the nay-sayer here, but your wife has flip-flopped on you enough times that you KNOW that you've got to get something in place to end/prevent contact on both sides, or the risk remains VERY high.

I'm sorry if I'm being overly negative...but just reviewing your whole situation leads me to ask you to PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION. And given just how psycho this OM sounds, it really seems to me that you need to take some serious precautions to protect not only your marriage, but yourself and your entire family.

Hope things remain good for you my friend.

Owl is correct, Dazed. I know she is trying to move forward. But she needs protection. You need to protect her...give her a place to hide and rest. You dont need to ask her...you just need to do it. She will appreciate it as she goes through this. She needs you to be the hero Dazed.

In His arms.

Alright bro...definitely getting concerned for you here! Hope things are working out the way that the Lord wants them to!

Yesterday was really busy for me. The entire week for that matter.
Guys I can't agree with you more... OM is still out there and still contacting wife at work. Guilt trip and poor me stuff.
The good news is that see is still working on being home. Her attitude has been excellant. She has been very very busy working on our home to add new decorations and cleaning that she has not done in a very long time. She is taking ownership of the house again. She is also trying hard to re-establish her roll as mom. She is not really ready to add disipline to daughter yet but is really taking an interest in daughter and helping with school, clothes, etc.
Last night the wife talked with Jennifer Chalmers for an hour and a half. I only spoke with Jennifer at the end of the phone call which was not really what I was thinking we were going to do.
Of course Jennifer is REALLY stressing NO CONTACT with OM. Jennifer made is clear to the wife that her future rest on the ability to establish no contact. No friends, no email, no calls, no letters, no nothing.
Her instructions are;
Wife is to tell OM the next time he calls that this phone call is being recorded. Please never call me or contact me in anyway ever again. You are hurting my future with my job, as a mother and a wife. If you continue to disrepect my wishes then further action will be taken such as RO and PFS and notifying the police. End the phone call.
Then if he calls again, just hang up. Each time he calls just hang up. If he does not stop. You and your husband are to promptly take action.
All email he sends is NOT to be opened. It is not to be deleted but forwarded to me the BS. I am to do with it as I choose. Read or delete. I am not to respond to OM in any way. OM is not to know what is happening with his emails. Jennifer suggest I read them to make sure he is not making dangerous threats. If so, turn it over to the police.
I am not to say anything to the wife about the email other than thank you very much for being honest with me. Thank her for her efforts and console her knowing how hard this all is on her.
Wife is to read basic concepts, and about extrodinary mearsures for no contact, and about joint agreement.
Jennifer wants to talk again next week to make sure that wife is working.

Starting next Monday wife is to start riding to work with me. She is to go to lunch with me when possible and then I am to take her home from work. This is to give us together time while protecting her from OM when she goes out of the house.

How was the wife after the phone call... Not so good. She was not really ready to do all this... I know it must be done, that is why I wanted the phone call. Wife seemed exhausted from the long phone call. She was not at all excited about conforming to Jennifers plan of action.

Wife told me that she thaught that dealing with OM was her battle to do alone. I said, that is why we need Jennifer. I don't know what you talked about for the entire call but what I took from it is she wants us to work together. Not you by yourself. This is not about just you and you are not expected to do this alone.
I am sorry that Jennifer has asked you to do something that you are not comfortable with. We can discuss what you are feeling about her plan if you would like. Please keep in mind that Jennifer has delt with thousands of people in the very same thing we are. She knows what to do and we need to take some steps forward even if they sting a little. We also have to do this together.

Wife was also upset with daughter for bothering her with she was on the phone. Daughter was guilty of making plans without permission and was trying to corner her mom at the last minute to make it happen.
Wife was stressed out about the phone, upset with daughter not allowing the wife privacy and then being a brat for not getting her way.
So, the wife was a little foggy last night after all everything that happend in a two hour time frame. I grounded daughter and told her she was not going anywhere for failing to follow instructions given by me and disrepecting her mother.
Wife was upset with me. Thought that daughter would be angry with her for not getting her way. Wife even threatened to leave and not come home if I did not allow daughter to go over to SIL's house like she wanted.
I told wife... 1) Daughter is not going anywhere. She did not follow instructions from me. She is not going to disrespect you and through a shoe at a door when she is angry. I will disipline her and you are not being blamed.
2) If you think you need to leave, go on.

I ended our talk and went in and grounded daughter. Wife did not leave the house.

I have not heard anything from the wife about OM yet today.

Dazed,

All is well. Jennifer is exactly right, as usual. And while your wife may be tired and not too anxious to do what she has suggested, that conversation is now sinking deep into your wife's grey matter. Your wife will come to the conclusion that this is the only way.

Right now, she will still try to bargain her way out. Hope that OM will just go away...or that she can placate him until he does. But she will soon see that is not possible.

So, do not educate her, okay? She is to talk to Jennifer in a week. Let this week be about her coming to some conclusions. All the things she is doing shows she wants to be home. Concentrate on that this week and then make sure that you two have that session next week.

You handled the daughter situation well. VERY WELL!!

Hang tight. Protect your wife. Understand that there may be a few more slip ups before all is done.

But what I do know is that their relationship is finished. Dazed, you have done this by the book. I think Dr. Harley's next book will be using you as the example!!

In His arms.

Dazed-

All of this sounds right on track! And I agree with MM...I think you handled both the situation with your daughter and your conversation with your wife in a perfect fashion! I really cannot think of anything you could have done better!

Hang in there...follow Jennifer's advice completely, and help your wife to do the same. SHE NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE IF SHE DOES NOT FOLLOW THE PLAN AS DIRECTED!

Keep going friend...honestly this is the best update I've heard from you yet, IMHO!

Dazed...

Check info on BBQ board, K?

Mrs. Wondering