The time is so ripe for plan B. She can just move right in with OM. I believe that is what is needed. It is so clear.

You need to let OM meet ALL of her needs. If there is a way to do that without having to file for DV then do it...if you absolutely need to file now to get the custody order to protect your DD, then do so.

I like your plan to try to get it all taken care of today.

You aren't giving up on your marriage...her choices have brought you to this point. Doing otherwise will just get you more of the same cake eating and abuse.

If she moves in with OM, after giving her the plan B letter, let her think you are really moving on. Have no contact with her.

Lexxxy~ I have told her there would be no one coming to save her this time. There would be no friendship at all. She told if that was to punish her. I told her this is not like on Gilmore girls... It hurts... Why can't you see that this hurts me so much. I love you as my wife not as another guys girl friend.

Dazed,

I quit drinking, but I'll but you a beer.

Con suerte.

I just got this from her::
Any suggestion how to reply;;;

I hope u know-I never
ever meant to hurt you--
if I did--I wouldn't have kept everything secret & from you. I just don't know really what else to do. I am at a loss for words-I don't even feel any emotion anymore. I don't want to be mean or cruel to you-but what else do I do or say? I guess I am just too far gone--I know I am mentally exhausted & confused-I know I am a screw up.
I do know that I love DD & I do always want to be her mom.

Testing the waters. Seeing if you're still there. Making sure you're the safety net, so to speak... That's my opinion.

(((Dazed)))

Your W is so lost...

She is also manipulating...

She's in the predicement she's in because she doesn't want to make a firm committment to work on the M.

No wonder she's so exhausted and confused. If you don't have a clear purpose or goal, it's nearly impossible to focus.

I would ignore this email from your WW. It isn't the first time you've heard this kind of talk, but it may just be the first time you don't respond.

She needs to "figure this out" on her own.

I'm so, so, sorry... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Dazed...

I'm with Bill on this, I think that the time for words has passed...and Drex is right too she's looking to see if things are the usual status quo...Also, she is trying to alleviate her guilt and continue to rationalize and justify...If she didn't want to hurt you then she would have been honest and gotten out of the marriage BEFORE finding someone else...Dazed Act here, don't react...don't take the bait...go forward with your Plans for you and DD...

Mrs. W

Dazed,

Reply.... "and you never even tried to stop"



Reply.... She needs a Mom that puts what's best for her ahead of what's best for mom" "You may be too far gone....as you say, to do that"

"I can't bear the thought of her having to be around a OM that has threatened to HURT HER...... instead of her Daddy that really loves her" "The greatest gift you can give your child is two parents that love each other"

"I guess you don't want to give up the things that can make that possible for our daughter" "Some THING.... is more important to you than her"

SOMETHING LIKE THAT........

**warning...bad mood day for me**



How about:

I have come to the conclusion that it is time for you to remove your personal items and yourself from our family home...

I love you, and wish to recover our marriage and make it better than it ever was...better than you could ever have conceived it possible to be...

But I can no longer expose our DD or myself to your ongoing chaos and the danger that stems from your ongoing contact with someone who has threatened to harm our child.....

Since you show NO interest in being a part of, or saving this family, I respectfully suggest you remove yourself from it...

it is 'apparent' as to where you prefer to be, so perhaps it is indeed time you go there...


with all the love in my heart....


Dazed.

"I hope u know-I never
ever meant to hurt you--
if I did--I wouldn't have kept everything secret & from you. I just don't know really what else to do. I am at a loss for words-I don't even feel any emotion anymore. I don't want to be mean or cruel to you-but what else do I do or say? I guess I am just too far gone--I know I am mentally exhausted & confused-I know I am a screw up."

Dazed response:
But you have, and continue to do so, repeatedly by not being honest with me, by not sticking to what you've agreed to do...by basically not acting like an adult who is responsible for her actions. By continually acting in the way you have, you're clearly showing me that you'd rather hurt me to make yourself feel better by getting your 'fix' of OM than not. Of course you're mentally and emotionally exhausted...because you've done nothing but jump through hoops to justify what you've been doing with OM by attacking me. The time is past for you to keep behaving this way...I will no longer let you treat me in this fashion any longer. I love you with all of my heart, but I am not willing to continually fight on a daily basis to ask you to begin to do your part in repairing our marriage.


As far as her closing comments about DD...I'd send her a one sentence reply after quoting that back at her...


"I do know that I love DD & I do always want to be her mom. "

Reply: Then start acting like it and make sure that you're SHOWING her that in both words and in actions.

Dazed,

A standard plan B with a standrd plan B letter could give you both perspective and preserve your love for her.

DLK21

I agree with this...Your Plan B letter will address the things in her emails and reiterate your love for her...it will stop the madness for you...It is time Dazed...

I am so very sorry that you are hurting right now...(((Dazed)))...Our phone numbers haven't changed either...we still have the free nationwide long distance and would be more than glad to call you ANYTIME that you want to talk...I mean that sincerely...our email is open to you as well...seriously, ANYTIME!!!

Mrs. W

If I were you I'd also hesitate to post and discuss any legal matters here on MB for now. Your wife knows, to some extent that you have a relationship with MB and MAY have found this thread. You have options...discuss it elsewhere, in private or by email.

If they are looking:

OM...you ARE a first class a$$. I'd personally like to rip your heart out (assuming you had one) and shove it down your throat if I had the chance. You better watch your back, cause there are more than a few of us on here willing and able to hunt you down and literally hurt you. Of course, neither Dazed nor I would personally do it...we'd be much smarter than that. Just maybe we'll sit back, wait a year of so and pay somebody else to extend our love to you on Dazed's behalf. Your day will come.

So, step off, you low class idiot. If you really cared for WW, then move on and let her go back to her family where she belongs. The only thing worse than making a mistake is not discontinuing it when you know it's a mistake. It's never to late to behave honorably.

Mr. Wondering

I'd say that this applies to the WW as well.

Quick note:
I was sending her a message as I recieved that last email from her. I have not replied to her last email either.

Attached is what I wrote her:

Mrs.Dazed
Can you imagine how it feels to be me?

It is my belief that not removing the affair from our marriage has only poisoned and drained us.

Tell me how you feel about last night?

I saw him before you were with him. How do you feel about him telling me (again) that I raped you for 14 years and how I cut and sucked babies out of you? Then he jokes about how he is now having you.

How can there be happy feelings or love and enjoyment with each other when another guy is allowed to do what was done last night to both of us? I understand how hard this has all been for you to try to figure out. I really do feel so sorry for you. Can last night help either of us feel loving towards each other?

I’m willing to be so patient for us. I but how can we love each other the right way when the affair is still between our marriage?

Why would I move on? Because it simply hurts so much to watch limits being placed on our future and happiness by another guy. Feeling like another guy gets the best from my wife just leaves me feeling empty.

This emptiness leaves me feeling lost about our future together.

I do know the real WW in side you. I have only wanted you to know how much I care by showing you a way home by loving you. Which I have done and continue doing as your husband. I care about you so deeply WW.

The pain of sharing you as my wife with another has taken its toll on me. I still believe in my wife but not his girl friend.
_____________________________

There has been no reply....

wow... get this.
She just called in a real sweet voice, asking if I still was planning on ordering us a new computer for our home?
She said she hoped I was still going to do that before the discount coupon expired. Asked if I wanted to put it on her credit card and we could just split the cost...hmmm

Any ideas what this was all about? More testing to see if I'm still there?

AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Run away! Run far, far away! I can't BELIEVE this! The nerve! Is she for real??!! I'm sorry Dazed, I thought nothing could shock me at this point but holy [email]cr@#$!![/email]

What are you gonna do??

Tell me about it!!!!
I was all most speech less. I had to pick my jaw up to talk.
I said, well I have not really thought more about it today. There has been so much going on it has not been a real priority.
She said well if you have my credit card number still, just call it in. I said, well I don't have your card number. I can just order it anytime before the 3rd to get a discount.

I ask her if she still wanted to go in halves and order one for the family. She said, yes. I'm blown away...

Dazed,
A break in the fog, a little bit of sunlight. Man the switch in attitude! This side of her is in denial or what? And the other side was in deep fog last night. Your message my have brought her back but, overall she is just lost for the time being.

You have my sympathy; your team mate is really untrustworthy... Depression. Deep fog. This has been extremely hard on her too.

But now what? More of the same? Will time burn them out before you are fed up with her and never want anything to do with her anymore?

Be gentle with your self. She just doesn't get it. No LBs, even now.

More Plan A or a real plan B?

You are the man.

DLK21

Dazed...

I see this computer stuff as a further test of your boundaries...she wants you to keep up the old status quo...I think that you would be wise to remember if YOU change nothing, nothing changes...It's okay to say that you don't wish to do this at this time...That's not a LB...

Mrs. W