Hey all,

Not doing to good this weekend I am afraid. Friday everything came to a head and she asked.. no told.. me to leave because I exposed knowledge of lies and secrets.

She also exposed some of my snooping and lying about it. So it is a 50/50 situation for us both.

The big issue is custody. for the last 7 or 8 months solid I have ben the caregiver to our son. while she was off doing whatever she was doing. Working mainly.

Also during our marriage I have struggled with IP addiction. I just found out it was IP addiction.

To set the record straight... I never exposed our son to anything. I am ashamed of the fact I did it at all. and bear a great burden of loss for my wife.

What I need to know is can she use this addiction as a means to control the custody process? She has agreed to 50/50 joint custody but wants to put language in the papers that says her residence is the primary residence until I complete the sexual addiction course...

I have no problem with the course as a matter of fact she wouldnt even know of this problem and a course if I hadnt discussed it with her. My bad I suppose.

My thing is that I don't want this language int he divorce papers. I suggest I am a risk to my son and I am not. It gives her control over our son and I am not prepared to give her that nor do I intend to.

My lawyer is a very good lawyer and she is wanting me to expose all the illegal transactions my wife has done in her job in order to get what I want. She says I should go for physical custody and her to have visitaiton...

I don't want that either. I think our son needs his mother and father equally and I am not going to comprimise my position on that.

Am I out of line on this or what??

Also, her job hasbeen suffering and she may not even be able to get a new palce which means she may have to move to her folks in Alabama. She intends to take our son with her.

Of course that is not going to be an option either.

What are my options and where can I get help???

Each state has different laws concerning child custody. Check your states resources, Florida is mostly 50/50, it is no fault state but unless you can prove that your spouse is a drug addict, alcholic or abusive you may be able to have full custody.

All Alone Again,

Thank you for the input... I have decided to let the lawyers figure this out. I have an appointment tomorrow to get this started.

I just want my son back.

Before I comment much, I would like to make sure I understand all the "facts." In summary, you have an internet addiction--I'm assuming to pornography. Your wife did some illegal stuff at work that you did not expose yet, but some other lies and things you did expose. After exposing her, she basically said she wanted a divorce, custody of the kids, and kicked you out. Is that about it??

So the way I see it...you have a personal problem, admitted your issue, faced the music, and went to counseling/support group to deal with your issues. On the other hand, you wife has done some illegal/dishonest things, had denied her problems, tried to cover them up, refuses to do anything to face the music or deal with the choices she has made...and she's mad at you for exposing to the light of day the actions that SHE CHOSE TO DO.

In my humble opinion, your issue may be a biggie, but you are taking personal responsibility for it. Her issue is equally big and may cost her dearly, but she is not taking personal responsibility for it--furthermore, she is blaming and punishing you for choices SHE made.

If you are determined to have 50/50 custody, if it is in the best interests of your children, and if you can see the wisdom of your kids needing BOTH their mother and father--I strongly suggest that you do not let the lawyers just hash this out. It is a common misconception that your lawyer is working in your best interest! Your lawyer is working in THEIR best interest, and it is in THEIR best interest to make this as contentious and possible and rack up the billable hours.

THUS, I would STRONGLY suggest that you insist on 50/50 custody where NO ONE is the primary residence and where the children spend as equal a time as is reasonable with each parent. For example, 1 week at your house-1 week at her house...and either BOTH parents are primary or neither. This is exactly fair, and it would take the wording out of the paperwork about the sex addiction course. In the instance of my current STBDH, he has two children with his exW--a boy and a girl. They listed the primary for the boy as my STBDH's house and primary for the girl as the exW's house.

Finally, allow me to remind you that what your wife wants to include in custody agreements is her SUGGESTION. You do not have to agree to it, and you do not have to do it her way. However, it would probably be a wise idea to make a suggestion back...such as, "How about if we agree on 50/50 custody and word it such that AAA is primary at my house and BBB is primary at your house?" or "How about if we agree on 50/50 custody and word it such that we are both the primary residence?" or "How about if we agree on 50/50 custody and word it such that primary residence isn't mentioned? We could word it such that residence is exactly equal and therefore there is no primary residence."




FNCJ

Good advice.
Another point to remember is that whatever is temporary, becomes permanent. So if you let her have 100%, she and the courts may believe that can become permanent.
She's threatening you. choose how you are going to deal with it.
Put the child first.

Amazing choices and exactly what we are doing.. but not... Let me explain...

Once I exposed to her my other hand and the illegal activity I was aware of .. She was shocked and seemed dismayed as if she was not aware of the illegality. I then suggested we sit down and take a logical look at the options before us so as to do what is right for our Son. '

That being said she agreed yet still wanted primary residence. I on the other hand insisted on joint legal & physical custody of our son. This was a little more feasable to her.

We stewed over details for 2 days now and have reached a pretty good agreement as far as I am concerned. We will share 50/50 joint legal and physical custody.

But a twist in the works arose today. As it stands the 2 of us are going to be pretty strapped for funds due to the divorce. Lawyers are freaking expensive. However, She has this hidden account remember? So she has told me that she is not going to be able to remain in Georgia nd will probably move to Alabama. If I would agree to this divorce as we had spelled out she would pay for my moving find me a place and fix my car to new. All so she can move home to her mothers till she gets on her feet. Now with my job I can work from anywhere and it not affect my income to any degree. Well, In a heart felt dinner and discussion of our son and his need for us BOTH to be present I have agreed to make the move and be there for my son to have his father.

I will walk through constantina wire to be with my son... He is everything now that my wife is no longer the other part of me. I love my wife tremendously! But I have to be there and focus on my son now.

I know this is a CRAZY turn of events. But there is no mention of the addiction and it hasnt even come up in our last 3 conversations. I am a great dad and she knows it. We met with his teacher today at daycare and she said he is the most amazing and well mannered child she has EVER dealt with. That we should feel proud of our job of raising him so far.

So to cap off... She is agreeing to the 50/50 joint legal and physical custody. I have him every other week and we have already worked out a coparenting schedule.

Thanks for all the advice.. You guys are awesome!!

Divorce across states is difficult. I can't move out of state. You need to check on the rules in Alabama before you agree to this. They could be more favorable to her, and your agreement could mean nothing, and you might need to start all over again.
Protect yourself.

The jurisdiction is in Georgia and the custody will be decided here. The courts in this county are VERY accepting of this kind of plan. The moving to Alabama is nothing but a logistics situation for me to remain active in my sons life and for her to be able to have her career.

I am covered on the legality of my situation. If either of us have to move again the one that stays is the one custody that retains custody. That is to be in the language as well.

You have 2 issues going at once and need to protect yourself on both of them. First, regarding custody your involvement as a caregiver has a lot of impact. Do not agree to your child's relocation, and do not let her dictate or supervise how you address the IP addiction. She has the burden to show it affects custody, otherwise it's your business. The courts don't actually care much about the things that are embarassing you - but if she has done something that could put her in jail, they will care about that.

Second, think about your possible exposure to tax liabilities, and the consequence of accepting funds that you know are tainted. I'm just guessing because of the missing details, but you seem to imply she was embezzling or something like that. Some of the things she does could be part of covering her tracks on that issue. Moving you to another state? Come on...