Okay, its been awhile since ive been here, Here goes WS had an active affair while depolyed overseas (12mos)Since, then he has returned home, decided to end affair ( Dec- no contact ltr was written). It was great for the first month trying to get to know eachother again, etc. I am expecting our 3 child due this month on the 31st. Since Dec I have found evidence where WS and OW have been seeing eachother(for lunch etc. yeah right!) Well 2 wks ago it was decided their friendship needed to end or it would end us. Within the wk WS found out about a financial matter that involved our house. ( i put myself in debt and pulled an equity on our home without him knowing) He was furious and basically said to himself enough of us and started to pursue OW more. I filed for divorce because I feel he wont stop having feelings for her or stop the affair. We had a long talk last night and he basically said he loves us both the same, he loves me enough that he'll let go of us to stop hurting me, he doesnt know if his feelings for her will change, he wants to stay in our home till the baby is a few months old, he feels he cant be faithful to any woman even her, he doesnt want to really let go of me especially for the kids, etc. Is this just fog talk? or is he actually being honest? I want to try to keep our family together but I keep doubting that decision. We still get along great together and thats what bothers him, knowing there supposedly isnt a reason to leave me other than the feelings for her. Should I play a strong plan A or just let it be? Is my step a plan B? I know I do need him because of the soon to be expected birth of our child. Im so confused, I didnt think it could hurt this much all over again. Please anyone, I need advise.

Sorry to hear your H is being an Azz.

Now the facts are that:

1. u r pregnant
2. your family's home is in jeporady
3. he is having an A again and wants to blame you for it (knee jerk reaction)?

His request:
1. Give up his family as a favor to you?
2. Stay in the house until it is ocnvienent for him to leave?

You need to realize:

1. Create your support group and realize he is using you to enable the A. If you can send him to the curb, do so.

2. He is a WS and the A has been skillfully planned to dismemeber your family..... you s/b angry by this sneak attack. He calls himself a soldier? For whose army????
He has been taken over by the A who is an enemy of the family.

3. Know when the WS is babbling and know how to respond.
4. Learn how to tell the difference between valid responses and babble.
5. Don't let him manipulate you.

Your Options:

1. Get MC/IC help ASAP....if yuo can call Steve do so.
2. Remember to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, let your doctor know you have a WS as your H right now.
3. Read Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson.
4. Study up on plan B and as hard as it will be try to see when you w/b ready to implement it.
5. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.
6. Learn reverse babble to give him back his guilt.

You have been through this before. Assume that the A never stopped just tricked you into thinking it was and his words are all babble to justify the continuance of the A.

Sorry you are dealing this mess.

HE MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO ESCAPE HIS OBLIGATIONS!

L.

Sorry to meet you on the board, but as a fellow military spouse I am giving you a big (((((((((hug))))))))).

I have gotten some awesome advice from the folks here... Should you need to take similar action, I would recommend reading their responses to my questions.

I don't know how to like threads, but it is under "Trying to reveal". Good luck, stay strong!

JJ

Thanks everyone for your advise and I would love to hear more. I've been this strong so far, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and say enough! Im not being selfish asking for the divorce , am I? He says think of the kids! How ironic is that?

I will read up to the links and threads from others thanks!

Holding on to my OWN Respect as a woman, wife, friend and human being!

IS it a good idea to introduce or offer WH to read "Surviving an Affair" ?

U get this stuff under your belt 1st. If he isn't asking for help, he won't appreciate what you have to offer, regardless of how good it is for him.

WS' are just like that.....they will choose the opposite just because.

Use your time and energy wisely. Concentrate on strengthening yourself 1st.

L.

How do you explain divorce to a 5 and 7 yr old. I will be telling my kids today please help

I asked WH to leave and now I have to explain to our children about him leaving and the divorce. Do I just be upfront with the kids and say daddy found someone else?

I really dont know how to handle this. I know Im not gonna let him stay in the home even thought Im still pregnant and baby can come at any moment.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I have been using reverse babble with him and hes noticed it but hes being harsh with me also. He went away to be a weekend warrior this weekend and of course saw her, maybe thats why he comes home mad at me? like if im the one who drew him to the affair!
Well anyone please I would like an input on how to tell my kids

Hi Someday,

Sorry to hear you are going through all this. I wouldn't get into the affair to start with. You will have to explain to them that you and their father are splitting up but I wouldn't get into the reasons unless they specifically ask. You'll also want explain how this situation is going to effect them (like living arrangements) and when they can see their father and how they can contact him.

Just remember that regardless of what he has done, they will still love him. So be gentle with them.

Be honest, supportive, and empathetic. Someday you will likely have to explain the affair but I wouldn't get into it from the start unless they specifically ask you. They'll need time to absorb everything that is happening around them anyways.

I didn't tell my kids about my ExW affair until she tried to introduce OM to them. Then I felt I had an obligation to let them know since they were brought directly into contact with the ugliness. It ended up being one of the best things I did. I think it cleared up a lot of questions they had in their little minds.

Best of luck and I hope things go well for you.

Miker