My husband's family has always been really big into guns. They dress up like cowboys and go shooting at a range and it has always been a big part of my husband's life. They mostly are safe with guns but there have been a couple of incidents that have scared me. Once they left out a gun and their 5 year old niece picked it up and pointed it at me and asked "what's this." But that's a whole different problem.

Last Christmas his family bought him a gun. I was so furious that they did not ask me first. I have always been against having a gun in my house. Anyone else can have a gun in their house, I really don't care. I just don't want it in my house. I made his dad agree that he would keep it in his safe at their house and we were all happy.

However, several months ago, my husband's dad came over to take my husband to a gun show. I didn't have a problem with this as long as he didn't bring home a gun. My husband was upstairs fiddling with something and I mentioned something about why it was taking him such a long time. My husband's dad said he needed to get his gun. He had been keeping it at our house all along. I was so upset. I let them leave and I just cried.

When he came home I spoke with him. He lied and said that he had said that he had told me a long time ago that it was there. We had a big fight and it was unresolved. Pretty much anytime I have a problem with something it never gets fixed but that's another issue.

We got into another fight last month about the gun and I went looking for it. I found it in my computer desk in the locked drawer. I picked it up and noticed that it was loaded. There was no reason to have a loaded gun in our house. He lied again and said that he had already told me where the gun was.

I really did not want a gun in our house and I made a deal that he could buy a motorcycle (we are tight on cash so that was really the only thing holding us back) if he got rid of the gun.

He bought the motorcycle but then said he had never agreed to our deal. The gun remains in our house and I'm at my wit ends. I just can't stay in this house and he said to me, that if I didn't like the gun than I should leave. We have been together for 9 years, 3 of them in marriage, I just feel lost. I don't want to leave my husband, I love him so much and I know he loves me. But I can't keep doing this...

It's called respect, and he apparently has none for you. Seek professional, Godly counseling.

Faithor

I would rather have my guns than most any thing,
If you want him to abbandon his heritage , Likes . & famoly traditions. what are you willing to give up? why not your religion? od driveing..
WAKE UP. you are in la..la.. land

You would rather have your guns than a wife who loves you and will be there for you? You need some serious help.

Faithor

No offense, but I'm 1/4 Native American Indian (you know.. the people who got butchered when the first settlers landed in this country), born and raised in this country. My grandparents and parents were all military, uncle died in Vietnam, my father was a Green Beret in Vietnam and I too like to use guns occasionally. The only difference between us is, you're an idiot and I'm not.

Again, I suggest you get some serious help, counseling, whatever, and get it soon.

Faithor

I come from a family of hunters so guns have been a part of life. as far back as 70's i remember classmates going out to their cars at lunch to show their buddies their new shotgun. (nowdays it would never happen with school shootings) My H has several rifles in house. they are unloaded.i did ask once why they are scattered throughout house. he said"so if anyone ever came into house they won't take them all..in fact there is a rifle near our bed. gives me a material sense of security. Since I am a believer in the Lord. at least her H did lock loaded gun in drawer.however bullets and guns should be in separate places. I am concerned if there are kids in house or ones aware of it who may not see it as a danger but a toy and have accidental shooting. guns by themselves don't kill. the people that shoot or careless with them kill. one more thought if anyone has boys in the house and you decide that you don't want them to have toy guns they find a stick or legos to make one. I have talked to several christian families who did not buy toy guns for their boys and that is exactly what their boys did.

I made my husband buy a safe but he has yet to use it. We have no children in the house but we are planning on starting a family this summer and I worry about that. His family seems to think that if you educate a child about guns then there shouldn't be a problem. I think it is important to educate but at the same time, they are kids and kids do stupid stuff, (I'm a Kindergarten teacher.) The best thing is to keep it out of their reach in anyway unless you are with them.
I think my biggest problem with all of this was his deceiptfulness about owning the gun and how he lied to me as if I would have forgotten that he had told me he brought home a gun. This topic was meant for what I could do about this not whether or not guns are safe. It could have been something else he brought home and decieved me with.

I've tried to get him to go to counseling, but he won't. I would seek out the church but he even won't go to church with me (which is ok, but I just can't use that route for counseling.) Whenever I mention counseling, he thinks it is a waste of money. My family and friends put him down so much that I'm afraid to talk to them about it because their only answer is for me to leave him.

The issue isn't even the gun. (Though I would not live in a house with a loaded gun.) It is his lying and manipulative behavior. This is going to set the whole tone for the marriage. Now he knows if he really wants to he can have his way by lying and then ignoring your feelings.


You said your friends and family have a problem with him. Why aren't you listening? Love is blind. I wish I had listened to my friends and family.

From a wife with a gun crazy husband....

I think you are asking way too much, he grew up with guns, they are and have always been a big part of his life, he associates it with family and it's like telling him to give up his family or else.

You knew his love for guns before you got married so if you honestly did not want guns in your house then maybe you shouldnt have married him? You cant change someone's way of thinking just because of a ring. He feels guns are important, what is something you feel is important and what would you do if he asked you to give it up?

I do not like guns at all, I was never going to have a gun in my house either, blah blah blah blah, right now we probably have 10 guns in this house!! Only 1 is a little less threatening than the rest but still dangerous... a .22! The rest could kill someone no matter where it hit you (I know a .22 could too but if you get shot in the foot... your foot would still be there.. just a hole added lol)

I think what is best is to calmly talk to him about a solution, you cant try to pull him to the other side of a HIGH fence.. you are both going to have to met in the middle. Its obvious that you blow up any time he is caught lieing (not saying you are completely wrong with that but..) anger isnt going to get the issue resolved. How would you feel if he MADE you give up your family and never talk to them again? His anger would just piss you off and make you do it more! Take the anger out and tell him your concerns, no anger at all, come to a solution for you both, not just what you think should happen. Who knows, if you do it calmly just maybe he'll decide to put them in the safe! Be glad there's only 1!!! LOL

Rachel

heres a little ramble (2 cents worth) i think someone pointed out that it was respect issue, not necessarily the "gun". if it is the "gun", it sounds like you have that oldfashion clash of wills going on, i go through it all the time with my teen daughter!! ;-), you say NO, he does it anyway...

why are you so against guns??? if the one incident that happened with the small kid was addressed and remedied, THANK God, nothing happened, but how many close calls have you had driving a car in your lifetime??? not really that different if you keep it in perspective.

i was watching the show "king of queens" when kevin james wanted a motorcycle, and his wife kept saying NO, so he bought one anyway...the short story was the message it conveyed was if you force something upon someone or draw the line in the sand (like leaveing him)...you are forcing him to choose, he may give you what you want....but he WILL resent you for it...

maybe try the route of insisting he use the safe, maybe take you shooting and get you familiar and comfortable with guns...include you in his recreational shooting...try talking to the other women in his family, how do they deal with this issue...(if it is an issue)

if the underlying issue is respect and the gun is just the excuse to fight...if he wont go to couseling, maybe go yourself, find someone you are comfortable with...just be careful with your insistance on the "gun or me" stance...you may not like the outcome of such an ultimatum.