I could really use some understanding. No one I know in my real life has the foggiest notion what it has been like for me in this marriage.

I have posted before and others here have asked me to elaborate on my particular situation. I didn't because my WH visits this site also and I didn't want him to know what I was really thinking. I just feel putting up walls in regards to him makes so much more sense, considering.

I want to share a bit of our history and then I can tell you all where my heart is now. Then I would love for you all to help me see my blind spots...I know they are many!There is a lot that is great about my life and I feel like this man is a "spoiler" for me. I'm afraid several people, inluding three precious short ones, are about to feel a lot of pain.

So, here goes...
My H has had two A's. We have been married 13 years. Both A's have one particular thing in common, which is that they both occurred during very stressful times in our marriage. After we had only been married a couple of years, my H took his first job. It didn't take long for him to discover that all those years of college and grad school had resulted in a career he absolutely hated. Yet he did nothing to change his job. The year he took that job is also the year we bought our first house. Within six months I was preganant with our first. I knew he was unhappy but thought it would get better or just pass. I was miserable. He worked long hours, never spoke to me, never did anything for me, and on Saturdays he spent half the morning playing basketball at the gym to relieve stress. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I remember saying something to the effect that "I know life is really tough and you are really stressed, but I would like to spend more time doing fun stuff together"...silence. When I was three months pregnant we finally joined a lovely little church and a couples small group Bible study. Even with the problems in the marriage, I felt better. I was beginning to feel connected. We had new and wonderful friends. I had a new, very close friend. She included me in her playgroup and was in the couples study with us. Right away, she and my H had some kind of connection. We did a lot as couples together and things got weird very quickly. Just about the time I had made a mental note to start doing things with other friends, my H came to me and announced that he and the OW were going to start "jogging" together three times a week. This story is long, and only the first A, so let me tell you that a year later, after being told for a year that I was crazy for all my tears and suspicions (don't forget, i was having my first baby, too) I found a love letter the OW wrote to my H at work. He swore it was just an EA but wouldn't go to counseling or anything. At the time, I was so relieved not to be completely abandoned with a baby. We moved away within a year and things got some better.

In the new town..
we got better together in some ways. Had two more kids. But I was mentally tortured alot. I had nightmares through both pregnancies that he would leave me. The thing is, I was so thankful he didn't leave but I was still so disappointed in marriage in general! This is a very nice man in many ways, but friends...in 13 years of marriage I can count on one hand the dates he has planned. i know that "romance" typically takes a hike after the vows but NO romance? I came to the conclusion that it just wasnt him and I would love him and be thankful for all his good qualities. He does have many, believe it or not. I have never, I mean never had anything special on an anniversary. As a matter of fact, the year of his first affair, he was coaching a traveling soccer team (in his spare time HA!)and the final game was on our anniversary. He did absolutely nothing to recognize our day. I went with him to the tournament and supported him. I have never felt so empty as I write all of this.

So we moved to a new town three years ago because he bought a company. I have done my little jobs as wife and mother and supported him through this big change. When we got to the new town, we discovered after about six months that we really didn't like it too much. I could get bogged down in every detail. I will try to get to the point. Two years ago, he suddenly announced that he was starting a second company two hours away and would begin travelling some. I didn't find out until legal documents were signed that he had a 50/50 "partner", name in the company and everything, and she was our age. I began praying, crying, pleading immediately for him to end it.

Here I am now, two years later and I honestly am wondering if life is worth this! My WH put me through a year and a half of absolute ****** AGAIN> Me confronting him about suspicious things and him telling me I was crazy! I finally confronted him this past July with a reciept I found, and I'm not sure how I changed, but began to feel stronger about trusting my instincts. Like before, he was "very sorry" and swore for NINE weeks in counseling that it was just an emotionally attachment he had formed because, in a nutshell, I am not as wonderful as her, not as easy to talk to, etc. This time, I didn't buy it and began looking on our computer for evidence of what had really gone on during all those business trips.

They shared a credit card. He took her on a PLANE on three trips that I was unaware of. He bought her very expensive things...car, purebreed dog, expensive clothes, etc. He called her up to 17 times a day. They did lots of stuff that is hard for me to think about. He said to her and did for her all the things that any woman would love.

Here'e the tough part. On October 28 I finally went to see an attorney. I was done. On Oct 29 or 30 my WH posted here, he's SNT, and started to realize in part what he had done. Since that day he had begun to change and takes responsiblity for everything, but it has been far from perfect. I didn't file for divorce,but I got to a mental place where i knew I would be better and OK without him.

I feel that I am waking up from a 13 year very bad dream. How could I hold on "for the sake of the kids" and let myself be treated this way? I think it's wonderful that my WH is sorry and changing. I can't face my future with this man in it. No matter how much he changes, I feel so destroyed by his choices. I just want to go away and have a different life.

When my H finally confessed about having sex with the current OW he also confessed to the PA with my friend. I forgive him for this. Reconciling, on the other hand, is just not something I want to do! We tried being intimate early in the recovery, when I was still in the "thank heaven he's not leaving us" phase again.

But in counselling for myself I have changed too. I respect myself more now and want to protect myself.

I am sitting here at my desk on Sunday morning. I ought to be fixing breakfast and getting ready for church. My WH, true to his new unbelievably nice self, has left me in here to type and is doing all that stuff. I just want to say (sarcastically) Hurrah! You deserve a medal, honey, for making such amazing changes! What I really want to do is not have to look him in the face for the rest of my life. Reconciling means eventually having sex with this person. There has not been a single time in the last four months that we have been intimate andI have not been keenly aware of the "ghosts" of two other women in the room. I know he is comparing me to them.

He gave something away, twice, that I will never get back. I can move on. I just don't want to move on with him. I have been a desparately lonely housewife FOREVER. I just want to see if life can be fun for a change. Everything we have done that has been great with the kids, vacations , family time, church stuff, is always a little tortured for me. We are the Cleavers on the outside. On the inside I am ruined, scarred. Somebody tell me that, despite the fact that my WH has decided after allthis time to be Mr. nice guy, that I can walk away from here.

Somebody tell me that it's normal for me to not want this man anymore.

I don't have a lot of answers as I am struggling much myself. They say that the BS can often be the biggest hurdle to recovery.

Your CH has made what should have been one of the most wonderful of times, pregnancies and small children, a ******. Your lovebank is very empty. The things that your seemingly FCH is doing seem like hollow gestures. It's going to take a long time for your LB to fill back up.

I think it's good that you recognize this. Are you doing IC and MC? Has he told you everything about his A that you want to hear? Do you still suspect things are going on? Has he taken the steps to rebuilt your trust? Perhaps you need some change in your life. Have you and your FCH taken a trip anywhere?

I don't really know what to say but I did want you to feel like you were hanging out there all by yourself.

Grapegirl, I don't have a lovebank anymore. It has too many big holes in it. I have been to MC and IC. They all have said the same stuff. They all tell me that I have "protected" myself and need to learn. Well, protecting myself would be to never ever extend trust and intimacy to this man again. That's how I feel.

No we have taken a trip, unless you count the gosh-awful trip to out of town intense marriage counseling. But, boy, the OW got trips. Lot's of 'em!

I don't want to be on a nice trip anywhere with the most painful person in my life. I would really like to take a trip abroad by myself. I don't mind being alone. It's so much better than being with people who hurt you.

Also, it's not like I gave this man chance after chance for a decade! I have tried!

Can I just go be happy now?

i meant to say in the former two posts that the MC's say i have NOT protected myself and then NO, my H has never whisked me away anywhere, even for a day.

snt may be my dear oak, saying the right things...

but doing seems to be his problem.

you feel as you should.

but if snt really decides to address the EN'S HE IS BY FAR NOT MEETING IN YOU...then over a bit of time things could get better.

i know...i went thru 2 ow with my xh. but mine went off deep end the last time...and never committed to a real recovery...had two false ones though.

had my xh tried and really cared to get to the heart of my en's? and tried to really recover instead of wanting more hero worship? we might be together today.

it takes intense work on part of the ws...and they don't get it sometimes.

we've been hurt more deeply than they could ever imagine. and we have a life. we have en's. we have feelings. and when it's about getting the ws back home, we give and meet all en's for them...it is NOT about US> all about them...

and now your xwh is finding out that it is definitely now not all about him. i honestly think it must be hard from going from a "me me me" attitude and life to a "give give give" life. but he needs now to wake up and smell the cappucino.

you deserve to be happy. you sure do. and i hope he is reading this thread.

you deserve a week in the islands. a cruise. cruises are nice b/c you can do some of the activities yourself or with a partner. so you could have alone time. you could do a spa day or two...and slowly begin to reconnect.

but i know i would respond if HE DID ALL THE PLANNING...and really showed you how he cared.

right now you are tired and feel neglected. no wonder...you see mental images in your mind which bother you..ow getting trips, gifts, and having sf...while you feel worn out...and downtrodden.

takes a bit of time for that to turn around

DO NOT GIVE UP YET.

will somebody here email her xwh and give him a heads' up? this man needs a WAKE UP CALL!

I am praying for you and the family.

this isn't over yet. you're waking up and see the devastation that an affair has on a family. the ws is just now beginning to see it...and now comes the hard part...the RESTORATION AND RECOVERY. much harder b/c you gotta work...WORK to build back.

and you may have become tired...you worked to get your wh back and break down that horrid affair. you did it. you did awesome.

but it's not easy work. not for faint of heart. and it DOES TAKE AN EMOTIONAL TOLL ON THE BS. huge one.

now is the ws turn. to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EN'S...AND TO MEET OTHER SPECIFIC NEEDS IN YOUR LIFE IF HE WANTS YOU TO REMAIN A WIFE.

SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE HER XWH A WAKEUP CALL AND ALERT HIM TO THIS THREAD.

God bless you. you're brave and my hat's off to you girl. give this a bit more time...just a bit more.

I'd also say that when and after the divorce, my self esteem had taken the hit of a lifetime. what did i do? i went out. grew my hair long again, got even blonder (a few) streaks in it. went to gym. made new friends (girls of course). went 2 church. prayed. worked on me...kinda plan a'd myself. it took several months before I felt like me again. is this you now? you don't know yourself after all the honest soul searching...the meeting of another's en's...the feeling unwanted and trapped at the exact same time...you want to put on those shoes and run run run like the crazy bride did last year from my state.

but life IS NOT SOLVED BY RUNNING AWAY.

we all know this is true.

face it...see if there is a way THROUGH IT FIRST...give a bit more time. you gave it at least 2 years for this last affair/partnership/business thing....so give at least 1 year before making any life altering decisions.

see if plan a'ing you...and having YOUR H PLAN A YOU AND MEET YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS will help.

SNT...YOUR WIFE IS HURTING...CAPPUCINO IS BREWING...WAKE UP AND SMELL IT.

justpeachy, thank-you so much for your reply! One of the most horrid parts of all of this is the fact that none of my real-life friends, and I have many who really care, understand this mess at all. They are uncomfortable around me and don't know what to say. This affair has tainted all things good in my life.

The thing is, peach, that my FWH does want to do better and meet all my EN's. I just feel strongly that I would be crazy to take that chance, based on history. Also, I just don't want to be married to this guy anymore.

Peach, you say that I may be just tired. I am beyond tired. I was tired after weeks of tearfully begging and threatening, etc to get my H to stop "jogging" with the first awful woman he hooked up with. I was tired two years ago when I sat on the edge of our bed after learning that he had set up a partnership with a woman two hours away that I had never heard of...that very night i pleaded with him to turn away. At that moment I remember feeling that weight, that fatigue...I knew the long months of abuse and neglect would be ahead and I just tried to steel myself to try to hold it together for my three little kids. I don't want to be a martyr! I just didn't know what else to do!

I know this sounds very pitiful and dramatic Peach, but I just wish God would take me. I obviously fail as a wife. I am so broken and hurting all the time, Iknow I am affecting the children. I don't want to be here at all. I am so stuck, mentally, emotionally, in every way. I am tired of trying to keep going. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I hurt all the time. It never ends.

God has brought me through this so far. What is He telling me now? Iwant to do the right thing. I just can't imagine living like this for another decade. It feels like my life is completely ruined already.


You talked about work to heal the marriage. I am still being put in the terrible position of having to clean up after this affair mess. I checked my H's work computer this week and found an e-mail from the OW! He hadn't responded and it was a "family update" letter she sent to lots of people. But NC means NC. I knew that she wouldn't have sent it if a)her H really knew about the A and, b)she didn't have a reason to believe that my H cared what was going on in her life. I called the OW's husband immediately and said told about the A. I said that I would do anything appropriate and necessary to stop the contact.

My H destroyed their family, too. They had 3 gorgeous kids, too. My H shouldn't be able to sleep at night until he faces this man he stole from and asks for forgiveness. Yet, it has been months since he told me the truth.

God will help me, Peach, I know He will. I am just waiting for Him to deliever me from this ****** of a marriage.

Peach, I saw the post to SNT...thanks for trying. But I, like you, believe my love bank to be so beyond empty that really don't think pursuing me now is going to work.

He deliberately hurt me over and over. I don't want to be pursued by this, or any man. I just want to stop this roller coaster of pain.

Oak,
I will not write my whole story here but I do want you to know I hear you and am with you right now.
I will tell you during my FWHs last A, he swore on a bible and on his own childrens lives that he was not cheating. I cannot get past this hurdle.
My love bank is not only full of holes, it is broken into a million little peices and scattered all over.
I am 9 months past dday, almost 10 actually. And I feel the same way. I have opened up and tried to love him, but dont. I let it all out, pulled down all my walls, and he continued to lie to me after dday and do sneaky things.
I am being told to be still, and let him do his work now.
He wants to meet my needs, he loves me deeply, he is very sorry for his A and the pain he has caused. But I am tired, worn out, and wanting to get away.
After NC letter was sent just a few weeks ago, FOW called here when no one was home, she also sent a letter here addressed to the JE family. SO I hear you.
Please just make a committment to stay for lets say a week and really try. Then if it works even a little add another week and so on. That is where I am at right now. Actually it is sometimes like one day at a time.
I keep repeating this (I may have it a little wrong)
"God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, and accept the things that I cannot"
Your FWH can change, but must be willing to. You cannot change him. You can change you, you can decide to give it one last try. But regardless it is up to you, your choice.
Please if you have time read my post on JEs New beginning.
JE

Oak - Welcome to MB. I am so sorry this has happened to you. As Peachy said, what should have been a wonderful part of your life as a young family has been ruined in large measure by your WH's selfish actions.

I see that you are still in the house and in a panic about what to do - should you go or should you stay? I would say this: You don't have to make a decision right now. Not right this minute. Not today.

Just take a deep breath.

You are in the house with your children. You have every right to be there and your WH has every obligation to continue to support you and support them.

You are safe now, because he's not going to be able to fool you again. And you have a great support system here at MB. There is professional counseling available here, too, if you want it. It's all done over the phone so you don't even have to get a sitter and go out.

You do have the option of just sitting back, gathering your strength, and waiting to see what WH is going to do next.

If he does demonstrate some serious changes, maybe you will have a better marriage then before.

If he does not, then you will get much support and help here on how to start a new life for yourself and your children.

The point is - you do not have to make a decision right now. Not today. It's okay to step back and wait for a bit to see what happens.

You are in control now. Never forget that.

Good luck and please keep posting.
Mulan

Oak:

You have a tough situation and I don't believe you have to love the unlovable and forget the unforgetable. When your WH did it the first time and lied repeatably and then did it again and lied repeatably, I suspect he is a serial cheater and will likely cheat again.

If your heart is not there anymore, he can only thank himself for losing a good woman. I am pro-marriage but not at all costs. If my FWW cheated again, I would let her go without a battle.

TooSoon

Mulan, thanks for your encouragement not to bail out immediately.

I am just hurting so badly right now. I have unbelievable amounts of yard work, house work, I want to spendtime with kids, my work in photography. None of these things are being done well. I have a big boulder sitting on my body with the word "failure" carved into it.

I have spent my morning reading here at MB, praying, and crying alot. Grieving better describes it, I think. I don't enjoy this. I would like to put it behind me. At least once a week something happens, like the OW sending the email, that drags me underwater and holds me there. I am just trying to hold on waiting for the next wave. We have blocked emails and phones but for two days this week the OW tried desperately to contact us. She even tried calling one of my husband's employee's on his cell phone. My H says to hold on, too, that this torture won't last forever.

I say that maybe the contact will stop but that there will always be at least two women out there who my WH loved better than he loved me. What I thought we had "as one" cannever be again. So, what exactly am I holding on for? I've been holding on for the kids, the family unit. I'm losing my grip!

too soon, thanks for your reply.


I haven't felt safe from more betrayal in ten years. I have been holding on because kids are involved, I thought it was the right thing to do, and (I hate this one, but it's true) I didn't have enough self-respect to leave when he wasn't sorry or honest.

I really want to leave. But, TS, when I think about how badly my kids will be hurt I just can't take it. I think I would really rather let the stress and grieve of this kill me (literally) slowly than to put them through divorce.

Too Soon, I will also add to my post that it's not just that I grieve the loss of something special. I am grieving because I have lied to myself all these years thinking what my H and I had was EVER special.

I, too, believe that he will hurt me again. I also believe that there were other A's, even if just emotional ones.

Why God has given me the three most delightful children to co-raise with my tormentor is a big mystery to me. I know He has his reasons.

has he sent nc letter? really made this known girl?

I mean...the emails? if he has sent a nc...it would constitute harassment for me and i'd seek legal help.

she should STOP. it is an addiction for the ow hon. sure is. far more than the ws. they are trying to hold onto something that never was...

i never fully understood how an ow or an om can begin an affair with no pretense. it does not just happen. they know the other party is married. and then the op past a quick or one time encounter agrees to see the h or the w again. and at some point, it passes from a fling to a thing...to where they want the wh or ww. and then comes the mind games.

i read all about it. got into their heads. after my divorce, i finally read over at that other site..ya know which one. and it blew me away. they really believe in soulmates.,they really believe they'll leave. they really believe their loves are pure...pure as pure manure, that's all.

it is sex intermingled wtih lies and daydreaming...that is an affair plain and simple. period. they spin lies, dream daydreams about would've could've should've...where they'
d like to go...what if they were married, etc...and they lie to each other...the ow over there see single guys...and the men lie to the ow.

more lies based on lies.

it is not really that pretty...and the fantasy crumbles for 99 percent of them.

now Oak my girl. you're tired. b/c YOU DID THE SAVING...YOU DID THE AFFAIR BUSTING GIRL...and you're tuckered out.

time to do nothing. Yep. do nothing. send your xwh to this site. let him understand. let him see your feelings.

LET HIM DO THE WORK NOW HON AND LET HIM PROTECT YOU FROM THIS VICIOUS CONTROL FREAK OW.

AND LET HIM SHOW YOU HE IS TRULY SORRY.. yea, all our ws's are creeps when they're in affairs. they are lying to not one, not two, but TO THREE PEOPLE...

WS's lie to themselves first. they say that this will be just for fun. to spice up my life. to do something outta the ordinary b/c I work hard and i deserve it (WHATEVER STUPID RATIONALIZATION/ENTITLEMENT THEY FEEL BASICALLY AS RATIONALE). They have the fling. they have fun. they lie and say it's ok to themselves when the guilt begins..and then when they see their fun might not be able to last if their bs finds out...they lie to continue the affair..and lie to themselves THAT THEY ARE STILL GOOD PEOPLE. during an affair a WS IS A PLAIN AND SIMPLE ALIEN. no way round it.

the WS lie to the BS. sure do. they lie lie lie. just worked late. was a business trip. was gift for my sister/mother/secretary/whoever just NOT TO AN OW. they lie so much they become convinced of their lies almost themselves.

and yes! the WS LIES TO THE OW. After all, HOW IN THE HADES CAN A MARRIED PERSON HOOK SOMEBODY SINGLE WHO CAN USUALLY FIND A SINGLE PERSON...you know..somebody EASY TO DATE OR ROMANCE? How? they LIE. they say it is NOT ABOUT SF. It is about how they feel so alive. how they want something special with the OP. they lie and trick the op into bed...and then lie some more to keep their little fix going on.

LIES ALL END. nobody can keep up that pace usually. and then comes the ending. and it is horrid for all parties involved.

I don't have much sorry or feel much pain for the OP though. they don't have kids with them, or families...or homes...or responsibilities...NOTHING TO DEAL WITH PAST THE FANTASIES. but WE SURE DID. and we love our families...and then the destruction is clearly visible in THE LIGHT OF DAY...after the last lie is told.

the Ws feels horrible and is also sad b/c their double life is discovered...and when they actually see their destruction, many are horrified that THEY INDEED DID SUCH THINGS. The BS IS TIRED...SICK OF FIGHTING..SICK OF BEING STRONG..SICK OF MAKING THINGS WORK...almost universal...and the OP? the OP is out there shaking their heads saying "but om said he cared? but om said he could possible see a future?" and they sometimes DO NOT LET GO OF THE FANTASY THAT EASILY. they haven't had the double helping of reality like we have. they haven't dealt with our reality and our pain. they only feel what has been done to themselves. a selfish kind of pain if you ask me.

op don't know how it feels to see a child crying and wondering when their daddy is coming home b/c he's out shagging somebody other than mommy and is lying and spending family monies.

but we do.

and Oak honey...we understand. We "get it". I get your pain. and I am so sorry dear you went thru this.

but...

DO NOT GIVE UP. DON'T GIVE UP.

I sure wish I could sit your wh down and give him a peice of my mind.

make him SEE WHAT IS GOING ON.

he needs to get it and get it now.

Nc means NO CONTACT DAMMIT.

and if it happens...JAIL HER..GET RO ON OW. make it firm and make it clear to clear up any unresolved fantasies she may hold onto.

NC MEANS NC FOR LIFE. nothing short of that could ever make me stay.

Oak,
{{{{{{{{{oak}}}}}}}}}

Welcome. You got a lot going on inside! I hate to hear that you think you are a failure.....Please, take a deep breath and know that YOU ARE NOT!

You don't have to make a decision about your M today. I also am pro marriage, but not at the expense of destroying your sole.

Take care of yourself, and stay here. We know how you feel, the pain you are going through. Every situation has its unigue aspects, but we do share the pain of a broken heart and the loss of something we cannot even describe!

Daisy

Everyone seems to say for me to "wait" and that I don't have to make a decision about my marriage today. This seems like such sensible advice.

So, I would like to ask everyone...after all these years and all this pain, when should I decide? What if my WH acts like prince charming for the rest of his life? Will this in any way compensate for the last decade?

With my H's nightmarish choices, I know that no nice or romantic thing he does for me EVER will be something he just did because he thought I was so wonderful.

It doesn't matter if he thinks I'm great or not. Imperfect as I may be, I know I have had and Have still alot to offer anyone! It took me 13 years to know this about myself. Now that I know that I'm OK, I'm looking at him and thinking "I don't care what your good points are or how wonderful you are. I forgive you and I'd like to walk away and never see you again".

peach posted to my H, SNT, and I think that's very sweet. THe thing is, I know that the other women didn't have to have people pleading on MB sites for my H to pour devotion and romance on them.

So SNT< if you read all this like I think you will. If you want to take me on a trip or cruise, I'd love to go. Just know that you are soooo a day late and a dollar short with all this positive change. I have asked for my EN"s to be met for years only to get the "look of disdain". How I have to finish this post and go on a nice bike ride with you and the kids to keep up the act that we are such a great family. I have to do this because you waited until we had three kids to show me that you cannot be trusted.

Oak:

BS's feel like they have been raped after they find out their spouse was not loyal to them. The stories on these threads express tons of ongoing doubt, pain, and horrible suffering. All because a selfish WS decided the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. The WS justifies their own actions by rewriting the history of the marriage and by comparing fantasy love with real love. Spouses can't keep up with the OM or OW. They only see the best of each other usually until the affair is exposed.

Oak, what I don't like about your case is the repeated offense of your WH. You know about two women but there may have been more. He knows the pain and suffering caused by connecting with someone else, yet he did it again to you. The first with your GF and now his business partner.

Personally, the kids might be better off in a home with a happy and contented parent, not in one where the mom can't trust the husband because of his ongoing infidelities. You gave him a break and the benefit of the doubt the first time, but he lied his way out of it. You have every reason and every right to build a life without him. Do not be afraid of the unknown future and why wait till you are older when it might be harder to find an acceptable companion?

Sorry, I am not one to believe that a spouse that has been in the fog once and allows himself to go back into it again with a different lover, is worthy to be forgiven again. He simply wasn't harmed from his first affair, but you were. I don't believe God or family expects you to accept less than a normal infidelity free marriage.

TooSoon

Oak,

We cannot tell you to LEAVE or to STAY. I think you are weighing it all. I get the feeling from your posts that the pain you feel as raw as it is, is not clowding your judgement. But I don't know that for sure, and that is why I thought you may want to consider not making a decision today. I don't know how long you have been wanting to leave.

I don't believe that you cannot leave your M. You gave in your M. You are right, noone should have to come here and show your H the way to your heart. It is difficult to accept for you that he could wine~and~dine these women and cannot get it together for his Wife. THere is something really odd in this world, this believe that once I am married to someone, that is it, I don't do anything I did to "win" them. We are not entitled to have a person spend the rest of their lives with us! I am quilty of same mistakes. The point is to see it. There is something very wrong with your WH cheeting on you and then not doing what needs to be done to rebuild.


I am really concerned about the last post I read by your H on his thread in Nov. His wanting to NOT let OWH see the NC letter. I don't like it. Did he ever send it???????
Rationalizing that the OWH does not NEED the letter now because your WH ended it, smells of trouble to come!!! It is not a sign of complete commitment to recovery. So, I have to question his commitment........

Best,

Daisy<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />