Here is my story in a nutshell, I've posted about it on this forum before. For the last year or so, I've been dealing with social anxiety and some chronic pain. Over this time, I got so focused on this that I didn't do social things with my wife and I also didn't meet her EN's.

As of almost two weeks ago, she wanted to separate "for a few weeks" to figure things out, etc. She has a really hard time opening up to me about her feelings. It is almost always me who has to "pry" in some way to get her to talk.

We have been in contact the last couple of weeks off and on via email, phone, or if she stops by. But the thing is, our conversations never involve talking about working out our marriage. I have given her space and also don't push the relationship talk. She DOES know though that I do want to talk about us...and I just left it at that.

We are on good terms and have no hard feelings for each other, I just think she has fallen out of love a bit with me and may be afraid of me not changing...even though she knows I want to and have started to show signs of if.

Here is my question...

When I can I start to negotiate with her about coming home to work on our marriage and also, what type of questions could I use to get the conversation going?

I've read the stuff on this site, but I'm still not sure how to approach her and if I should at this point.

Like I said, we have not talked about our relationship for almost two weeks now. I feel like if I don't step up, thing may not get resolved because she has a hard time expressing her feelings.

Thoughts or suggestions?

Thank you!

Hi PaulD,

Have you had your wife complete an Emotional Needs questionaire? I think that would be a step in the right direction. It may be easier for her to write things down since she is not outspoken about her feelings. And it could be a good starting point on understanding and discussing what's important to both of you and how you're each willing to provide what the other needs. She may also be impressed at your suggesting this.

Good luck... and just speak from your heart!

As time passes, I find I'm not certain I would want her to come back into my life. She is still seeing the 'affair' and has no intention at the moment of ending it. I happened to walk right past 'him' yesterday and I was playing with the idea of snuffing him right there. But I'll let him live to mess with my wife another day.(Not sure why I even care anymore)
But I would not just let her walk back into my life without first having a counsellor give me some assurance it is genuine on her part and then giving us the tools for handling all the matters that would most certainly crop up. I have been severly hurt by this affair.