This will probably be my last post. I realized, after several angry calls from my H that I am fighting for something that no longer exists. The man I married has been replaced by a stranger and the marriage I had is forever gone. I know the beliefs here are that it can be better IF it's recovered but I'm not willing or able to spend 2+ years fighting a losing battle. Today he accused ME of cheating on him, both in reality and online, for the past several years. He has me in tears, insisting that he was going to destroy me and take my daughter away. I don't know this man, once my husband and best friend who has declared himself my worst enemy. I feel like I'm dying inside. He takes another piece of me every day. My love bank is in the red and I'm out of energy.

Thanks to all of you who helped me so much through this mess, you all know who you are. I wish everyone happiness and peace. Good luck to everyone and much love.

Well, actually now is the time when you need to keep posting. Your husband is acting completely normal (for a WS). I could have predicted he would accuse YOU.

I am,
Why do you have to leave? Just because your Marriage may not make it, does not mean you have to leave here. Many here are divorced also. You still need to post here and heal from this crap, regardless of the outcome. Dr. Harley does not say he can save every marriage does he? NO. So keep posting and keep healing. We hear you and will listen and respond.

JE

Iamlost, he is acting like a TYPICAL WS who has lost his mind. Please calm down and don't act on your emotions. This is very salvagable. You will be ok, I promise!

{{{{{{{{{{{{IAMLOST}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks you guys. I'm just such a mess right now. He was calling me a wh-re and a sl-t and every name you can imagine. I hung up on him 3 times and he kept calling back with more hurtful thing and more names. Hetold me he's going to quit paying the bills here I'll just have to find a way to survive. He just keeps finding new ways to hurt me and I'm really breaking. The stress is making my MS act up and he said GOOD. I don't know this man.

Iam, DEAR, remember what I told you about losing control of your emotions? You have played right into his hands by allowing him to bait you into a fight.

See, he needs to bait you into a fight so he can make YOU the bad guy instead of HIM. If YOU are the bad guy then he can justify his afffair. See?

So everytime you fight with him, you GIVE HIM MORE AMMUNITION AGAINST YOU!

Please stop and focus, focus, focus on controlling your emotions. They are your WORST ENEMY right now and are only harming your strategy.

i didn't fight with him Melody. i just hung up the phone every time he started screaming and name calling. I just found out he went to see 22 year old daughter at work and told her the same things about me. now finally she is angry too.

good, good, good!! Forgive me for misjudging you. You did great then if you didn't allow him to bait you into a fight!

He is trying very hard to get you angry, do you see that? And the reason is because he knows he is in the wrong, and needs to make YOU the demon. His conscience is bothering him.

Iam,

Please listen to Mel she is so right.

This is normal behavior from a WS who knows he is wrong and wants to project his guilt onto you.

Don' fall for it, take the high road as hard as it may be.

My WH cut of financial support as well , I had things cut off and it really was hard but I made it. I got an attorney and now he has no choice but to help me. I have two jobs. Its hard Iam I wn't deny it but you can do this.

Show him you can make it and you will become the strong woman you are and take charge. Get his butt in court and make him pay.

Take Care,

Hurting

Yes and yes.

One is temporary, the other permanent.

Care to guess which is which?

Without a doubt, your old marriage is gone. Thank goodness! Why would you want to go back to that old one? The one that fostered development of his infidelity?

This is the whole point of the MB approach. The affair developed because of a flawed marriage. While he's off in LaLa Land, you're learning what you need to do to help create a new and improved marriage. When the affair ends - which it will - you'll have a chance to create the new one.

Here's some good news - he's lashing out at you possibly because things aren't going so good in LaLa Land. This behavior is typical and predictable. He HAS to blame you for everything. He HAS to. Doing so justifies his predicament. It's blame shifting, psychological projection. Sure as the sun will come up tomorrow. The weider and angrier they get, the more need they have to lash out. Understand?

Help me remember, where are you regarding going to Plan B?

WAT

you know... I tend to buy into the whole fog thing... but this is a bunch of crap.
His accusing you of cheating. Okay... normal.
His trying to hurt you... okay... seen it.
Threatening to take the kids from you and to destroy you.... F-him. Protect yourself and take some time to recharge your batteries. If he is truly in a fog and comes around.... great. In the meantime, you have done what you need to do to protect your family.
I draw the line at FWS's that attempt to use the kids to hurt their BS. He has overstepped the bounds of WS into not a good person territory. Be careful and good luck.

went to the neighborhood bar where my daughter works to have lunch with her. it's a sunday afternoon so the place is dead except for 3 old guys who knew my dad. we're all chit chatting about the power plant that's on fire in WV and next thing I know my H is there screaming at me that I'm a wh-ore that now gos to bars and picks up men. it was insane. I was drinking pepsi for god's sake. my daughter was mortified and i just picked up my purse and left telling her to call me later. H followed me outside screaming the entire time and I didn't even acknowledge him. I just got into my car and drove away.

thanks for all your advice everyone. WAT I'm so totally ready for Plan B but I fear how he is going to react. This man is a business man who was always cool, calm and togethre. now he's like a raving lunatic most of the time.

Are the separation details worked out?


Hello? Iamsolost? You think calling you a ****** is NOT reacting?

Plan B is for you. Add to your letter, "...and until you can treat me with respect and decency."

Trust us - he is acting out because things are not going his way. A perfect time for Plan B.

WAT

First of all, ISL, I just want you to know, that I'm one of the divorcees on this board. And I STILL learn alot here! There are things here I am learning, that can affect my future! Things I didn't know, when I was married. DON'T LEAVE, just because of what he is doing to you, right now!

I know this is a very painful thing he's doing, and you are completely devastated, but if you and I are anything alike, the anger will eventually set in, and you won't care WHAT he plans to do, you'll just be ready to take it on! Just for the sake of peace and self respect! And OOHHH, what a shock it will be, to all who know you!

I'm not advocating D. I just wish you the strength, for whatever comes your way. You are a very worthy person, and everyone deserves to know it, including HIM!

Believe it or not, once I took on that attitude, is when he started to view me in a different light. Something I did not expect. At the time, I don't know what that would have been called, here on MB. I guess I Plan B'd his butt right to court. I really wish I would have had access to a place like this, during those times!

I think that even as horrible as your situation is, I believe there is still hope for your M. You have a great support system, here at MB, with people who can guide you in the right direction, and teach you the concepts of M, and the stages you are in, right now.

Hang in there, and keep posting!! We're here for ya'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

The seperation can't be finalized until 60 days which is the end of march.

I am totally and completely sick of him upsetting me and my daughters. He made this choice, I never wanted it and now he's acting like I tossed him out because I wanted freedom, puleeze. I have to write a Plan B letter but not in this frame of mind because I am still so so angry. He's seeing youngest daughter tonight and I plan to not be around

Make sure you include this in your Plan B letter.

"He made this choice, I never wanted it and now he's acting like I tossed him out because I wanted freedom, puleeze."

Ho-hum, right out of the WS handbook. My WH insists that I wanted the D. I DID file, after he has been living with OW for 3 years, and not giving me a cent.

im having an I hate WS's day. I'm just so thoroughly po'd about the names he called me and the things he said. He just called for daughter and I said she wasn't home yet. I asked if he planned to take her to dinner and he said "why do you have a date?" I said I'll have her call you when she gets home and I hung up.

He also told me that his bother whom he is living with is moving his girlfriend in so he has to find his own place and he can't afford both places so I'm going to have to make other plans.

See? Things aren't so cool in LaLa Land:


See, this is obviously your fault. That's why he's beiing such an a-hole. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


You're gonna have to make other plans?

Nope. He's gonna have to deal with the consequences of his decisions.

What will be the separation details?

WAT

That won't be decided until our hearing with the judge. My attorney suggests that most likely he will be ordered to pay alimony along with the child support and he can be ordered into counseling, or marriage counseling or family counseling. Today I'm wondering what I ever saw in this man. Today I'm wondering if I ever really knew him.