I made it to work everyday this past week, not without incident. OM won't let it go, let me go. Has gotten pretty mad at one point when I suggested we need to have another talk with the boss. Basically it's all been txt'ing, no actual confrontation in the office and generally speaking it's been all after work hours. The only physical air space we shared was at a gas station when I was in the middle of filling my tank, should have just taken the 3.00 worth and left but I needed gas. I told him it is going to result in him losing his job or I am just going to up and leave, never to show again, how is it fair? Just let it be. THis is where he showed anger, never seen it in him before and told me I know where you live and you know how I become without being near you. The txt,ing I can control, I will change my cell number monday, what a pain in the backend that is going to be with my contacts but I will do what I have to do.
This is emotionally hard on the mind. Trying so hard to get OM out of my head, I know if I do this I will survive. I don't even know if boss will have much to say since this all has taken place off the work site. I felt so relieved MOnday, now I'm all tensed again.
THis is really starting to feel like something out of a horror movie, then I think, I earned this, all of it. WHy did I ever think I could just be friends with this OM. I knew something was different with the friendship as opposed to all other opposite friendships I have had. I basically look at all my other male friends as my gay straight friends, can't get into trouble that way. No, not this one. I earned my torment, guess I now have to pay the piper.

Smfry,
It is amazing to see this post. You seem to have come so far in a few short weeks. I see you are in pain and FOM is tormenting you. Maybe threaten to get RO might help? Something along that line. He seems quite disturbed. Keep up the good work girl, you are better than that.
JE

Not amazing, I just woke the he(( up and realized life without my family which includes my H. I also have recently viewed some lifetime movies with women having A and the results....really had me thinking, reflecting on what I would destroy. Not worth it, not worth it one bit. It was a head trip and I'm trying to get off the ride.

It doesnt help that the operator of the ride is playing head games with you. How about you become the operator of the ride? Take the drivers seat and deflate FOMs sails. Just ignore him, dont respond at all to him. IF he walks to you, walk away with a smirk. At least you know who the better person is between you and him.
Does you BS know the games FOM is playing?
JE

Hey Smfry,
You are doing great. I know this is tough.

A couple of things I see - first, do not warn him you are going to see the boss- march right in his office on Monday with you cell phone and your spiral notebook where you have recorded all the harrassment. Tell your boss you are calling to see how to get a restraining order for after hours.

Have you called his wife? Don't wait any longer. Do it today.

Are you telling your BH? I think he needs to know how hard you are trying to stay away.

Do not let this man continue to yank your chain. Go to the boss, the police, and his wife ASAP.

hang in there

No, I didn't talk to OMW, although I have indirectly hurt her and her family I didn't want to directly hurt her by the info. I know, I know, I am a coward. I haven't told H about it, I think he would literally flip out at this point in time. I also fear that no matter how much I try and convince him this is all one sided he won't believe me and tell me that I had to have done something to encourage this behavior. I really just want all of this to go away. He has told me many times prior to the NC attempts< don't know what to call it since there is still contact, that he would come out after me if I would vanish from the office permanately, get another job, whatever. Direct words, I know how and where you are, I always will, you can't hide from me. You would think a lightbulb would have gone off back then? No......he was so in love with me. Obsessesed, yes, that is now the better thought.
I just don't know. It is so easy to say I'm going to follow through and do X, but when it comes to the actual act, I just don't want to stir anymore dust. Now this may become a police issue, I ask myself why? Why was I so stupid in the first place. Oh, right, we were "just friends".
The ignoring thing is easy at work, he knows he is in hot water there, work has become my safety dome. He won't pull anything, atleast I don't think he will, he is acting pretty nutty. Now I ask myself that question I have been asked many times, what do you expect out of this in the end? I think deep down it was just a big game to me, stroke my aging ego, although I'm not that old, 35 isn't old, I honestly don't think I ever, ever intended it to ever become a full blown PA, although I have learned that just a hug already puts one in hot water. I'm babbling, I'm babbling because the clock is turning closer to the end of the day and the beginning of the new week where I may have to see this guy, I really don't want to see him anymore. Can't get enough and now I'm sprinting in the other direction.
If anyone is considering an A, one piece of advice, DON'T do it!!!! Look what can happen.

Smfry,
come on you can do this. call the wife. she deserves to know. Telling her may stop this completely. You can do it.

"but when it comes to the actual act, I just don't want to stir anymore dust."

It isn't stirring dust, it is making amends. You hurt her DIRECTLY. It is difficult to be honest with yourself when you aren't being honest with others, I know.

You do this to demonstrate you heartfully acknowledge where you harmed and give the respect due OMW and call her and tell her. You apologize from the bottom of your heart and do not contact her again.

You tell your H and respect his choice of belief and action.

Your part is honesty and openness...you cannot control others. If you only take actions because of what you guess will be the reaction, then you are violating yourself.

Please stop violating yourself. You're causing so much of your own pain. You're worth more. You are valuable.

OM is not showing love...he is a control freak that fed on you. You seem to be one, in kind, and control can feel like security, love, devotion--but it is toxic, disrespectful and unreal.

You'll see this later...with clarity...if you choose conviction over dust.

There's no dust. It is blood. You already know anguish, so does your H & OMW...give her the reason why, come clean to both and redeem yourself.

Another step. More to come.

You can do this.

To not tell her is manipulation and control.

Your choice.

LA

moveforward suggested to you what I was going to suggest as well. Go to your boss but don't let OM know. Let it be a surprise. Mention the restraining order to your boss because that will make him understand that you are not simply asking him to be a referee in your little spat with OM. He will take it seriously. OM thinks he can control you and, to an extent, he is right. You will need help to get his attention. You never know how unstable some people can be. You need to shut this down sooner rather than later.

This would be my first priority - talk to boss.

Ditto on what the others have said, smfry. Also, it's time to let the guy's wife know so she can get the problems in her marriage fixed.

smfry (I think of 'smallfry' when I read your member name.)

NO WONDER THE OM IS CONFUSED by your recent actions. If just a few days ago, you were NOT WANTING TO LET HIM GO OR HIM TO LET YOU GO. If you want OUT of this relationship, you need to be consistant and CLEAR with what you want.

DO THE RIGHT THING AND STOP THE AFFAIR. PRONTO!