I have reaching out to hold hands with husband, kiss him good bye, showered with him when I can get myself to do it. Wearing rings again. Husband says I'm doing anything. I tell him that I'm trying what I can at this time. He says trying is not cutting it, either doing it or it all a game.

I need your thoughts/help please!

As nike says "Just do it!" Games aren't making it. Commit to rebuilding marriage or quit! I did not ask for this mess, but am trying to deal with it as best I can. I can't wait forever for you to break the code an neither canthe kids. You are in control You Decide!

Try6 to employ the advice given as opposed to pissing on it!

Eagletoo,

Baby steps are a good thing. Please continue to do them and give both of you a chance to heal. I think what has Eagle messed up is that he does not know if you are willing to TRY and rebuild. I think you are, but I think he is waiting for you to state that. TRYING and DOING are NOT promises that everything will work out. But, they are a requirement for him to face his fear.

Yup, what you are seeing is HIS fear. He fears he will be made a fool of again. He fears that if he commits his heart, he will be hurt again. He fears that if he trusts you it will not be a good thing. Do you see what I mean?

You cannot guarantee anything except YOUR effort. Please consider this.

God Bless,

JL

Eagle, please read my post on your other thread. You have to realize that you are getting what you want, but it will take time and YOU control more than you realize. It is your war to win or lose as much as it is your W's.

God Bless,

JL

I will share with your my motto that I just gave to Eagle:

Plan A your spouse and plan B the WS.

If he follows this, you will see it w/b must easier for you to stop acting like a WS and restore his trust. It will take time.

Like the BS, a recovering Xws needs to put their mind and heart in sync....in sync with themselves as a spouse/parent and with their BS and families.

If he has a hard time implementing this, you still have your job cut out for you. Yea, most of the work is on your shoulders but you are making up for lost time, right?

L.

EagleTooo... I don't know what to tell you. I'm also an FWW, and those gestures on my part worked with my forgiving H, I basically treated him as I would like to be treated, and along with time and MC, we eventually reconnected.

I can't get into his head because I haven't been there.

But please keep putting forth those efforts, and doing so sincerely, and perhaps he will come around. But he has to put forth some efforts, too, number one being forgiveness, and treating you as he would like to be treated. It's a two-way street.

I want to apologize MrsEagle...

I very much want to respond to you, but I cannot allow myself to do that with your husband posting to your threads.

Still in my prayers,

LA

Nice, Eagle, you're a real class act. Taking every effort she makes and LBing her for it isn't going to get you any where. No wonder you two appear to be at a stalemate.

Mrs. Eagle: All you can do is the best you can. If it's not enough for your H then it's not enough, you can only do as much as you can the best way you know how. Just keep doing it and eventually he may feel safe again.

Mr. Eagle: I don't understand why you keep doing what you are doing (see your posts above if you are unclear about what I mean). Despite the really excellent advice you are getting on your own threads, you keep cutting her down and I don't understand that. You get good advice, you say "you're right, thanks for keeping me on track" or whatever, and then you turn around and do the LB'ing stuff all over again. She seems to be doing the best she can and you need to at least give her credit for that instead of wanting more from her and expecting her to live up to your expectations. Sorry dude but that NEVER happens. At least not in my experience.

Eagle2,

I am very happy to see you here. Many of the people posting to you are the same ones that have offered me excellent advice.

As a suggestion, why don't you and Eagle get together and block each others threads. See "My Home" and "Address Book/Ignore" to do this. God Bless and good luck.

Eagle,

Are you interested in reviewing what I posted to your thread regarding the consequences of posting to your wife's threads? You told me that you needed to hear that but you have not taken the advice. One moment, you are working very hard to save your marriage, then next you are looking to single handedly DESTROY it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

IMVHO, E2 needs the advice offered here. She needs this space and this time to learn and to heal. She cannot get this with you reading and posting to her threads. LovingAnyway is one of those who can really help and YOU are driving her away.

Okay, now for the blunt part: You are doing more damage than good right now. Certainly you know where this battle plan leads? It can only have ONE POSSIBLE OUTCOME! Back the h3ll off. Let her explore her self. You cannot change her, she has to do this herself.

Now I am done preaching and that is a bit strange because I do not like doing this. But I see good honest effort being wasted and frankly that makes me mad.

Sorry to anyone if I have insulted you but I had say something.

C-

Thank you all for your opinions. Have a good/blessed day.