Help, I am reposting in this area as instructed.

After intense "interrogation" tactics, my husband admitted to 3 other discrections. 1 was with his ex-wife, right after we got together, which I totally understand, as they had a long marriage, I even told him to really sit back and think about making a commitment to me, if there was any chance they could make their marriage work. He assured me it was over between them. Silly me, I thought when a relationship is over, that really meant OVER!!!!! Let me assure everyone,right off, they were totally and legally DIVORCED before I ever went out with him. I would have backed off though if they thought they had any chance to make it work again,I really would have been understanding, but he lied to me.
That's what I am having a hard time with, he swore on his Mother's life, that he only "strayed" the one time, I mean do they have an OSCAR for the most convincing/believable WS' lie catagory? to top it off he informs me that he "PAID" two different woman on his route to have sex with him. One of the "ladies" was also married, he went back for seconds with her. What kind of sick monster is he???
He doesn't do drugs nor drinks, so what is his excuse? I am so angry, that I want to tell everyone what he is and what he has done. I am so sick.
Please tell me why people do this to each other?

naivewife - can you provide some more background?

If he's been boinking prostitutes, please do not have sex with him until you know he's free of STDs.

naivewife,

Ditto worthatry, please provide more information like age, length of marriage, how many marriages each, any children etc.

This is a good place to get some moral support and good solid advice. I didn't find it until 15 months after D-day and MB proved to be the lifeline I needed just when I was ready to throw in the towel on my marriage.

I completely understand your misery with the added informaiton. After D-day, I found out more about my FWH than I would have imagined in my worst nightmares. He was never the person I had given him credit for being.

He too swore on his life several things that were out and out lies. I also learned that for years he had been prowling bars and the internet looking for opportunities to cheat. Although he "swears" that he only had one affair, I will never really know for sure.

That, more than the affair, haunts me and probably always will. I understand that in the beginning, he was terribly afraid that more honesty and information would push me over the edge to end our marriage. And now, too much time has passed for him to come clean without our having to start the recovery period all over again.

Given that I am 99% certain that knowing how hard this recovery business has been, if I could go back, I would have ended my marriage following D-day rather than try to save it. So learning more information at this point about the past would be a dealbreaker for us. This is inspite of the fact that we are today, happily married.

So now I have to live each day with the knowledge that there is probably more stuff that I will never know. Although I love my husband, I still do not admire or respect him, and I certainly will never again trust him.

Who

Naivewife
I agree with worthatry you need to get tested and he needs to do the same. Even if it wasnt with "paid for" sex but especially so.

I dont understand the WH either. Its something I struggle with every day since dday. My H says he loves me and always has but honestly I dont know what to believe he is no longer who I thought he was. I do think that cheating becomes like an addiction. He cheated once and was looking for that thrill again thing. My H turned to internet porn. I found an escort site too. He swears he didnt use it just gave him a thrill to know girls were out there doing that. I will never know if that is true. In my heart I believe him but I have been wrong before.

Who me I love your last line about loving but not respecting or admiring. This is such a grieving process for the life you thought you had and the man you thought you married. I do think there is recovery but the innocence and the blind trust will never be there again.

HopingFor,

Thanks. That realization comes with a profound sadness. It is hard enough dealing with the pain of infidelity, but the more difficult part of it is the realization that I never even had the husband or marriage I thought.

Makes me feel like a real fool in so many ways.

But the price my FWH is paying is probably more difficult, because he realizes that his own actions and his failure to be the kind of person he wanted to be has cost him my respect, admiration and trust, probably forever.

I think that he will forever be just a little afraid that the absence of those important feelings for him will ultimately lead me away from a life with him.

It is important to remember that only the Lord offers unconditional love.

Who

Who-
You are right sometimes I forget about the actual act of what he did because I am so obseesed with who he is and what he is capable of. Everyone is flawed but its a pretty big flaw one that I never thought I would know from him. Still I am trying to be a better person and forgive him but it is hard. I do feel like a fool and I certainly do not want to be fooled again.

I agree my H is pained also about who he thought he was but I have little sympathy since there was no gun to his head. I think it may actually be worse to know that YOU were the one to cause all the pain this causes. I do think he will worry too about what this will do to us but I will always worry about whether he will do it again.

I think you are right about unconditional love only coming from God. I am trying to be more Christ-like in my actions towards him but its hard not to be angry. We cant change the past I know that but I am not ready to accept it yet. I hope someday I will be a better person too.