anyone remember that movie? that's the turn my life has taken.

After spending all day yesterday screaming at me on the telephone and calling me every filthy name he could think of and accusing me of cheating on him H decides to come over to see 15 year old daughter.

I explain to her, before he gets here, that I'm going out for a ride because I want her to enjoy her time with her dad. He comes around 8pm, I tell him I'm going out and will be back. I walk into the bedroom to get my coat and he followed me. He says, quietly so daughter won't hear, "yeah go ---- your boyfriend but this is the last time I'll babysit while you do". I just walked out and told them I'd be back and left.

I hit the car and started crying. Went for a ride to I don't even know where and ended up parked at this park area near home, where I just sat and though and cried. I really feel like I'm breaking.

I get home at 10 pm, notice my front door is open, it's winter and cold so that's kind of confusing. I get out of my car and before I can even shut the door H is in my face yelling at me. I start walking to the door, refusing to be dragged into a screaming match, especially outside for all the neighbors to hear, so I walk into the house and he said "don't go in there or I'll do this in front of daughter" and I just kept walking. I went to close the door and he pushed it open, screaming all the while. So with my daughter in the house, he starts yelling that I am a wh-re and a liar and a cheat and swearing up a storm. He was saying that I played him for 17 years and accused me of several ugly things. I said if he didn't leave I'd call the police. Just then the phone rings and I go to pick it up but he grabs it from me and says he'll talk to my boyfriend.It was crazy. On the phone was 22 year old daughter and he started screaming at her and threw the phone. 15 year old called 22 year old from her cell phone because she was afraid. When he realized that he said he was leaving and walked out the door and as I went to close it and lock it he pushed it back open and started in on another tirade. I said nothing at all. I didn't defend myself I just cried softly through all the swearing and name calling and accusations.

Finally he left. I went in to talk to my daughter, who is now afraid of him and thinks he's "crazy". Oldest daughter showed up here to see if we were ok and she talked to her sister telling her that what dad said about me wasn't true that dad is messed up right now and taking it out on me.

And so she left and we went to bed but I was awake all night, so upset. He called at 7:15 am and told 15 year old over and over how sorry he was for last night. She no longer believes him. She no longer trust him. I think her love bank is empty too.

My attorney says I can't get a restraining order as he has done nothing to warrant one. So I just wait for more madness I guess. I was looking at our wedding pics this morning and I can't even see this man in those pictures.

Wow, he could be crashing hard.

It's easy for us to say, but don't take any of his crap personally.

Does he have ANY history of violence?

I suggest you make sure your attorney is aware of these latest events. Make sure a restraining order is not yet available.

Have you changed the locks? Ask your attorney if you can.

You're doing very well not playing his game. Please consider sending a Plan B letter right away - don't wait on the separation document. Include his atrocious behavior as reason for your decision not to communicate or see him. Send a copy to your attorney.

And hug your daughters. Be their rock. This is affecting them as much as it affects you, I bet.

WAT

Thanks WAT. No,he's never been violent and I've never been afraid of him. I'm still not. I know this is affecting my daughters and I have been working hard at being together for their sakes and my own. I almost think that's what's wrong with him. I am seeing friends, going places with my girls and not sitting home waiting to see if he'll call. I no longer ask him to go for MC with me and I never mention him coming back, although I manage each and every time I see him to tell him I don't want to be divorced.

My attorney knows about this as I called him bright and early this morning. That's when he said no grounds for an RO. The locks aren't changed but hubby no longer has keys or a garage door opener.

It's hard not playing into it with him but when he screams at me I think about other things so that I really don't hear him. It infuriates him that I don't fight back.

I'm working on Plan B letter now and will post it when it's finished.

You are doing remarkably well.

It's almost certain his behavior is a result of your "non-behavior."

Stay strong and keep leaning on this forum.

WAT

my first instinct is to want to knock this bully on his [censored]. But I have a question for you... has he been checked out by a doctor???? I know that "fog" can make people do some nutty things... but I am getting a weird feeling that something else might be going on here. Not trying to give this boy (I refuse to call him a man until he earns the title) the benefit of the doubt... just trying to cover all bases.
As far as your attorney saying you cannot get a PFA... he's wrong. As most here know, I am an ex cop and have seen them handed out for less. You have two options... record his rants in front of the child or have your child testify... most judges will grant the petition based just on that information. If your attorney won't get involved... do it yourself.. the process is a simple one.
Good luck to you.

Thanks for the support WAT. I'm going to post my letter on a new thread. It was written off the top of my head and probably needs revised.

mkeverydaycnt, thanks for your advice on the restraining order. I'll check into it further. He was diagnosed with clinical depression by his doctor, more than 2 years ag, but refuses to accept the diagnosis because "men don't get that".

Good, I'm sure you'll get good comments. I probably won't be able to review it until tomorrow morning.

WAT

another thing you could try now that I know of his diagnosis and failure to treat his CD.... if he continues to act out in an irrational way... you could always attempt to have him 302'd... that is a temporary involuntary mental health committment.
Although his doctor will not be able to give you any information regarding his condition, you certainly can contact the doctor yourself and make him/her aware of recent events. I would suggest doing this via fax so that you have a record of the communication. I am worried that because your H is the type that fails to see the impact of his disease and most likely will not seek out help that he could become a danger to himself or others. I have seen it a million times and I would excercise caution if I were in your shoes.
Do NOT attribute all of this behavior to fog... it may be... but it is a dangerous assumption. Err on the side of caution here and seek out resources in his family, friends and professionals. You could be doing him a huge favor and will definitely be doing something for you and the kids by getting others involved.
I wish you continued good luck.