My wife and I are having serious issues. I don't truly know the root cause or even what most of the issues are. We have discussed marriage counseling for years and everytime it comes to me making an appointment she says that it won't help and not to make it.

Now she has suggested that separation will help give her the space that she needs to work things out. Does separation lead to anything but divorce?

Welcome. Check out the emotional needs section on the home page here, so you can start figuring out what some of the issues are.

Wanting "space" is often a sign of having an affair. Is there any possibility of that?

My wife swears that she is not cheating. She goes out four or five nights a week to go to bars and sometime doesn't come home until the morning. She is always out with other married women.

She is stressed because I lost my job and she doesn't seem to want to deal with reality so she pretends that I am not there.

She has also been religous and doesn't seem to want to go to church no which leads to me believe that she might feel too guilty to go. On the few occasions when we are both home she either hides in the bedroom or gives me dirty looks if I sit on the couch with her.

She has also suffered with an eating disorder for most of her life and it is back in full force. She thinks that the best way to deal with stress is to "cut it out of her life". She has already done this with my parents and has started doing it me as well as her own parents.

What I really don't understand and what I have asked her is how would separating reduce stress. She would have more stress due to fiannces, taking care of the house and family by herself while working full-time, no time or money to do anything to relieve stress.

Not only do I consider myself a kind and generous person but all of my wife's friends and co-workers comment to her how lucky she is to have a guy like me. This really drives her crazy when other people comment on how much I do because she only notices what I don't do.

Too much complaining on this forum. I was only looking to see if anyone has ever heard of anything good coming out of a separation?

-Feeling Alone

It is extremely hard to work on a marriage while separated. The Harley's advise against it, accept in cases of abuse.

It sounds like she is enjoying a single lifestyle. Check out Plan A, and start there.

What is Plan A?

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


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Feeling alone - This is for folks whose spouse is cheating, but will help any marriage. I hope you will post on general questions - I don't think you are ready for divorce.