Alphin, you are so lucky to have parents who are in a position to help you. My parents have been broke since my dad got made redundant at 58 (He's now 79). My siblings and I have always made sure they have everything they need.

If I knew I had a house to come home to near my family, a huge load would lift from my shoulders. As it is, we have a house in Spain that by the time we pay the capital gains tax on, will be useless. My parents live in Central London so no way can I afford anything there. I really see myself strugging in the not too distant future and it is scary.

The good thing about your STBX's behaviour is he continues to make your decision to go easier. TT

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> sorry, I can't have read the whole thread properly.

I saw you'd applied for a decree nisi....not knowing the ins and outs I guess that must be the first step and then the financials before the decree absolute? I hope your Rettweiler knows another Rottweiler to handle the case. Growl...

So it's him stalling the D that he wanted??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

How have your inlaws been recently? The last time I checked into your thread you were about to go and visit them or have I got that completely wrong...actually that could have been Christmas <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ....are they still supportive of you?

Alph,

Agree with tucktummy. I'd seriously consider moving closer to your parents, if I was you. Your parents sound so nice, supportive and loving. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think your girls would love having their grandparents nearby! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Your WH is a teacher, right? There should not be whole a lot he can "hide" by not disclosing his financials..., they can come up with the very accurate estimates how much he makes, and what his expenses are. Of course, unless he is spending WAY beyond his means on OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> (which is regretfully possible, based on the recent bank overdraft incident...).

Maybe he is reazling now how "pain" it is to get D! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Milk

Hi Milk.

I think he's just an utter incompetent. He's got no idea about how to deal with money, finances or real life. I don't think that the OW is much better, to be honest. When we lived together he used to tell me this ineptitude was because he was an 'artistic' type of person. Well, so am I, as it happens. I just don't think that getting drunk and living the high life is any way to deal with problems, as he seems to think.

I can just imagine him and OW, sitting at their dining room table, with a load of finances on the table before them, waiting to sorted out and sent to the court. As the enormity of the task overwhelms them, they open a bottle of wine, or decide to go out for the evening instead...

So nothing gets done! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Yup, exactly. And the ironic thing is that this is what HE wanted!! OW would not want to deal with this for too long, and WH would soon realize that OW is not solving the problem for him to make him happy... Sure, their A sounds like very fun and romantic.... lol.

I think that STBX and OW have entered the 'bunker' mentality now - they've got to stick with it because they can't admit that it was a mistake. I think that STBX will be more inclined to 'stick with it' than OW. He's given up everything for her - what has she given up? Nothing.

Alph.

Not really. MIL & FIL think I should move on and be friends with STBX for the sake of the children. They can't understand why I 'won't talk' to their son.

BIL & SIL understand better - BIL was a BS in his first marriage. We are visiting with them over Easter, and yes - we did spend Christmas with MIL & FIL. It was uncomfortable. MIL is obviously more 'on side' with STBX than she was before.

I really think that STBX has been putting a lot of pressure on his mother to accept the situation. I don't really blame her - she is his mother. But it means I will have to begin to distance myself from her, something I never wanted to do.

I've noticed that STBX is making much more of an effort with maintaining family ties recently. For example, today was our little nephew's birthday. I found out from DD12 that STBX had telephoned him to say happy birthday. He never did this before - never even remembered when it was.

I think that, between them, OW and MIL are forcing him to try to make himself 'look better' and not such a bast**d in the eyes of his family.

Frank Pittman says that although most affair marriages are doomed, the ones that tend to survive are those that make a real effort with the extended family to be accepted. STBX and OW are certainly doing that - with DD6 and DD12, and the rest of the family.

This being the case, I am looking at letting go slowly and gently, from this family. I am moving closer to BIL and SIL, but not too close. My own parents will be nearby too.

Alph.