I'm looking for some input on experiences that anyone has had with Counseling.
I'm not certain what I should be expecting from my Counselor? He is attending his own seperate sessions with another Counselor.
Should I be expecting advise, tools to use to deal with the hurt? I'm not feeling any of this---I leave my sessions feeling the same as I did when I went. I feel that I am getting more solid advise from this MB, friends, family and reading my material.
Is it necessary to continue therapy when I'm not getting any solid advise or tools to use to get through this time?
Any advise/experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Kim,
Have you told your IC this? What issues are you and your IC talking about. In IC they focus on you. Are you in MC also?
I guess I need some background, what are your issues, are you codependant? Are you thinking the A was all about you? Where are you mentally and what is your goal with IC?
JE

IC, individual counseling, is designed to "help" the individual, not the marriage.

MC, marriage counseling, is designed to help the marriage, with both of you being participants IN the marriage. It puts the "needs" of the marriage ahead of individual needs, especially when those individual needs are "selfish" and "self-serving" and NOT "surrendered in love."

Beyond that are issues of Faith and Standards. Both are "individual," but they affect how one "relates" to others and deals with issues of what one allows themselves to DO to others.

Hope that helps a little.

kim - counseling is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.

Forrest Gump

Seriously, as justempty said, we need to know more details in order to understand your situation.

I have asked my IC what expectations I should have and she comments about me "doing things for me", ok, but at this point in finding out about the A, I don't really feel like going out with friends. I asked her to recommend books for me to read, and her suggestion was for me to go to a bookstore and find the book that best fits where I'm at in my relationship. At this point I'm in limbo because my WS is in Counseling to find out why he can't be faithful to anyone. He did move into an apartment on 02/20/06, and we have not gotten to the point of MC because "he is confused, doesn't know what he wants", poor thing....
I am totally not blaming myself for his actions, but I am attempting to get stronger due to the damage of the A.
Mentally I am somwhat stable, thanks to medication, and attempting to function on an everyday level. I am attempting to lay back and let my WS to "figure" things out, but he is still continuing his A.
The majority of my sessions are spent discussing what transpired the previous week with WS. Not concentrating on my issues. When I asked my IC how to deal with the continuing affair, I was told "I needed to do things". I am attempting to keep busy painting, reading and the occasional outing (grocery store, Walmart Etc..), I'm not sitting in the house in the dark concentrating on the A.
Maybe my expectations are too high, or maybe I need to take a break from my IC until something changes with WS?

kim - I've located and read some of your other posts and I think you're not yet up to speed on all the MB information.

How many dog eared pages are in your copy of SAA?

If the answer is none, or "What's SAA?" please do some more reading to get better grounded in what we (the folks on this forum) have to offer. (SAA = "Surviving An Affair")

Back to the counseling.

Any counseling for your WS while he's involved with the affair is very likely a waste of $$. An exception could be for counseling that addresses some personality issue or other psychoanalysis. If it's counseling to work on your marriage, it's definitely a waste of $$ until the affair is ended.

As for your counselor, the statement, "When I asked my IC how to deal with the continuing affair, I was told "I needed to do things" " isn't bad advice - once you learn some more about affairs and how they develop.

In his book "Private Lies" Frank Pittman says that finding a way to bide your time while the affair runs its course is all many BSs need to do. This is in recognition that almost ALL affairs end in time. The MB approach takes this further by having the BS identify and remedy the bad juju he/she brought to the marriage such that future affairs can be avoided - along with taking steps to help end an active affair such as exposure.

Before you spend too much more $$ on these counselors, get knowledgable on what you can learn here. Ask your counselor what he/she thinks of MB as well as the approach spelled out in SAA. Report back to us.

worthatry-
thank you for the advise-I just ordered my copy of SAA.
My WS is in counseling to determine why he continues to have affairs, it's happened to me twice that I know of, and to his first wife. WS definately has personality issues that he needs to address.
We have not even talked about MC, the relationship is still in limbo. I will read the SAA book and am attempting to gain more knowledge on this craziness.
thank you again

kim - if your H is a serial cheater, MB may not meet all your/his needs with his wanderings. We are not quacks and even if we were (unlike Bill Frist) we cannot diagnose from a distance. Continuing the IC for him may be the best that can be done for now.

In the meantime you can learn to become a better and stronger person and acquire the knowledge to make your marriage the best it can be.

WAT