I discovered my WH was having a relationship in July 05. I had suspicions - late from work, lots of calls from his "buddy". I found that he was speaking with the OW by cellphone almost constantly. He travels all day and so has the ability to talk on the phone a lot. I found her name through reverse white pages and confronted him. He became angry and left after saying she was just a friend and that I was being ridiculous. Lots of anger from both of us but I calmed down and called him a day later and told him I loved him and that I wanted to make our marriage work. He came back and said he would not contact her again. He admitted that his friendship was getting out of hand and heading toward cheating but that he had not slept with her. I have discovered secret cell phones twice since, confronted him and received promises that he would stop contact. Then finally the third time last week along with sexy text messages from the OW. I confronted him again and he became angry and admitted nothing. I told him that he had to stop contact with her or move out. He came home that night and admitted the affair but said he didn't trust himself to live up to promise of no contact. He moved to a friend's house (I hope) on 3/2/06. I continue to communicate with him lovingly asking him to go to counseling and save our marriage. He is in contact with the OW. He says he loves me and misses me but he has feelings for her as well. She is 28 and we are both 48. He was coming over tonight for dinner and I planned to ask him to move back in and work on our marriage. I will offer him my forgiveness if he will end the relationship. He called this morning and said he would stop by but couldn't stay. I spoke with him for 45 minutes trying to convince him to try to save our marriage. He said he didn't think it would ever work because he could not forgive himself for cheating and he would be afraid it would happen again. I told him that we would get the counseling so that it wouldn't. He also said he couldn't promise that he would have no contact since she is a friend. He also admitted that he had stayed at her house the last two nights but that it was only until his friend could get a copy of his housekey made. (yeah, right) I told him that if he could not stop contact with her, he would have to stop contacting me. I told him to think about it today and call me back this afternoon to let me know if he is willing to come back and work on our marriage.

I am so SAD but don't want to lose him. Does anyone have advice?

What are your ages, how long married, and any children with him?

We are both 48 - OW is 28. We have no children together but I more or less raised his two youngest children from a previous marriage. Married 8 yrs, together 10. Only one child left at home (17) and he says he will stay with me as he feels I am his mother. He is very upset as he has already suffered from his biological mothers desertion. Other childrens ages are 28, 27, and 20 (not at home any longer)

I would read WAT's Quick Start guide (check WAT's signature), it's a great place to start. Your WH is still in the thick of his affair, so he is in no way ready to make any decisions about reconciliation. If you honestly believe that your marriage is worth saving, then you're going to have to hang in there until he ends the affair. I guess that makes you in Plan B, so you may want to read up on that, too.

I don't have much more to say as I'm relatively new at this whole thing, but I just wanted to wish you luck. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Wrong. Don't give forgiveness out of convenience or desperation. It shows weakness and could possibly give the impression that you will cave-in everytime. Forgiveness, depending on how deep the wounds are and how you are, will come in time but only when you both are truly on a path of rebuilding your marriage.

If you offer forgiveness too early then how would you explain some of your emotional outbreaks that may come. Those can be signs of unresolved issues that you feel have not been addressed. You'll always have negative emotions towards this problem, but in time you would learn to deal with them based on the success of your recovery.

Allowing him to come back is a step toward recovery, but what you both need is simple... no contact with OW, honesty, and counseling. If he won't agree to no contact then you will NEVER have the chance to a proper recovery.

If either of you break your honesty then you will ALWAYS live wondering if the other is worth trusting. The relationship will not be able to thrive with that on your shoulders.

Counseling is not a "must have", but let's face it... you both got yourselves into some trouble and outside help is something you will most likely benefit from. You need someone with experience and who is willing to work with you both in rebuilding your marriage.

Two words...Plan A...read WATs guidelines and everything else on this site...and post back for support...

Click on Affair Exposure 101 in WAT's signature. That's a brilliant place to start. You have to end the affair and exposure is the most powerful tool in your arsenal to do that.

Read everything you can on this site and keep posting here.