Hello,

This is my first time here and I really need some advise. The story is very long but I'll make it short. I've been marriage for over 13years and I have a 2 year old. I really screwed up and had an affair for 1 1/2 years. When I was caught she filed for divorce. I then disconnected with my lover and tried to get my wife back. We were still living together and the tension was so thick in the house that in the matter of time I started to talk to the lover again and my wife had know idea. My wife moved out of the house. So at this point I was very confused. I ask her if we can go to marriage counseling and she didn't want to, she finally said yes. We went to counseling for a while and it really wasn't working out. I started to talk to the lover more and more because I felt my marriage is over. Well long story short I got caught again. My wife couldn't believe it and now for sure it's over. I stopped talking to the lover. I couldn't believe what I have done to my marriage. My wife completely stopped talking to me. I tried calling, emailing and nothing. We finally talked and I cried and said that I was very sorry and that I'll do what it takes to restore my marriage. I have been an open book to her. I gave my cell and email passwords and answered all of her questions regarding the affair and why I did it. Now everyday she asks the same questions about the affair and then she starts to remember other things about the affair and she says it's over between us she can't handle it. This has been happening every single day. My counselor told me to see her every other day to reduce the tension and for my health. My wife doesn't want that. She said that she’d disconnect if I do that. This has been hard on my health and job and now I'm on meds for anxiety. The wife still keeps asking me about the affair. I have no more to say. Then she wants it over because I tell her enough. I know what I did was absolutely wrong. I’ve asked for forgiveness I been remorseful. I have requested her to ask me questions every other day and on the days she shouldn’t to write it down and ask me on the day she should. She said no, this is her way to heal. This is killing me and I can’t take it anymore. Our son is seeing all of this and she is disrespecting me in front of him and he is always seeing me cry. He always grabs a tissue for my tears. This isn’t good; he shouldn’t have to see this. I’m now holding on because of my son. Don’t get me wrong I do love my wife but this constant pain has been enough

Glad you are here! Any chance your wife would post here?

Are you done, done DONE with your affair. How long have you been out of contact with OW?

I guess betrayed spouses all react differently. Does your wife want to heal the marriage? Does she know what it is she needs to feel safe with you again?

Again, welcome!

Happy you found your way over here. An affair is a horrible betrayal, but you won't ever know what it feels like unless it happens to you.

Your wife is going through excruciating pain, especially since you kept going back to the other woman. Let her ask all of the questions she wants, and answer them honestly, over and over again.

You also need to be an open book to her, and account for your time. This will go on for a couple of years, until she can trust you again.