H came. He took his things. He was very apologetic for the way he acted the other day. I told him that I love him, handed him the letter and closed the door. I turned on my daughters ituned thing and just sat here (my chicken sh-t friends didn't show up). I heard a knock on the door a few mins later and it was H. He was crying, told me he understands and he's sorry he's hurting me. He hugged me and I said "ok no contact, be safe", closed the door and locked it. He sat outside for about 15 minutes. Ironically these are the lyrics to the song my daughter had looping. like a prophecy

Say Goodbye by Ashlee Simpson

You don't know me
Like you knew me
You stopped listening
The moment that I needed you the most
You can't see me
Like you saw me
Truth comes easy
But it's hard for you to pull me from the ground
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and
I'd still need to say goodbye
Maybe you don't
Love me
Like I love you baby
Cause the broken in you doesn't make me run
There is beauty
In the dark side
I'm not frightened
Without it I could never fell the sun
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and
I'd still need to say goodbye
Nothing will change no matter what you say
I'm still gonna be the same
The harder we try,
The harder that we fight,
Can't get it right
So I scream, scream cause it hurts
Your every word
Cuts me inside and leaves me worse
There's no way back
And what if there was
You'd still be you and
I'd still need to say goodbye

Excellent.

Good girl.

He apparently read it right away, huh?

I imagine you have mixed emotions right about now.

Please believe you're doing the best thing at your disposal to restore your family. It's a step backwards, of sorts, to be able to take many steps forward.

Stay strong.

"my daughters ituned thing"

Too funny!

WAT

Thanks WAT, yeah he read it right away. I feel sad but ok with everything, if that makes any sense. I know I did the right thing, probably the only thing that I could do right now. I'm glad I managed not to cry in front of him. I feel a bit empowered by this. It's like I've taken back control of my life that was lost when he began his affair.

And "ituned thing", yeah I'm technology challenged lol

IASL, good job! I know that was a very difficult thing to do! This took alot of courage, on your part.

I know it's sad that he responded with tears. It hurts to see someone you love in pain, even if they have caused that pain onto themselves and others. But it's still very sad.

Well hang in there, and I believe only the very best will come of this plan! It will strengthen the relationship between the two of you. And it shows you are reclaiming your self respect, and that you will settle for no less (respect) from others!

I'm confident that this WILL work for your marriage, and the rebuilding of it! Great Job!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Thanks Jennifer. Yeah. it's hard and even harder watching him cry, since he never does. I feel like I've been through ****** and I'm now trying to find a way to climb out. I know now that either way I can make it. It's just getting there that's the hard part.

He actually left a voice mail last night saying "I'm not seeing her any more, can we talk?" Uh hello, he works with her daily, I just hit delete

Ya did good,IAM! Now you can expect an onslaught of attempted contacts trying to get you to break your Plan B. He will HATE that you are taking back control of your life. Your absence threatens his affair and he senses this. Because now the OW is the only one meeting his needs and she won't be able to keep him happy. With you around, he was able to keep up his affair because you filled in the gaps. He won't like giving up having two women meeting his needs!

So, just brace yourself, keep deleting those messages and don't let him contact you no matter what!

Good job!

Thanks Melody. Your advice is always so helpful and believe me, I listen. I am adamant that there will be no contact unless she is completely gone and he is willing to go to counseling. I have explained this to both of my daughters and I have told them not to pass messages and not to relay any info about me to him. The only thing they are to say is "mom is fine".

My 15 year old is in a choir performance next weekend and we will both be there so I am arranging to sit with friends so that he can't sit near me - if he shows up. I'm just exhausted from the emotional turmoil I've been through the past several months and I am sticking by my plan B.

Excellent work. A+ so far.

How will you tell if one of his attempts is sincere and includes news that OW is gone?

At some point you will have to agree to talk with him to gauge whether he's actually meeting your Plan B conditions. I don't predict this real soon, but I suggest you plan ahead on how you'll determine when you should listen to him.

WAT

That's an easy one WAT. My daughters call him at work and OW answers the telephone. When she's replaced or he changes jobs I'll know an effort is being made. As long as she's answering the phone, he's ignoring my request for NO contact.

I'm in a dangerous frame of mind and a man, who has been a friend for years, is sending me a different kind of vibe and the piece of me that is so love starved is wanting to respond. I won't but now I know why men and women can't be JUST friends.

Can't get much better intel than that!!


Yea, stay out of trouble. You got enough as it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

WAT, if you don't want to answer, it's ok but how long have your been divorced and do you now date and if your W came back would you consider it?

H, never called ME since he left just my daughter. This morning he just called and left a voice mail again. He said we need to talk about him seeing daughter tomorrow night. I called his mother and asked her to make the arrangements and she said she would. Maybe he'll get the point.

Just wanted to let you know you were on my mind today. I hope you are doing okay. To it sounds like you have things heading in the right direction.

I don't mind at all. (A fuller time line can be seen in my bio - click on my MB name.)

Her divorce - I call it "hers" because it was all her doing - was final 4 years ago this month.

OM's divorce was final one month later in April 02 and she married him (the guy she wasn't having an affair with) 4 months later in August 02.

I met the love of my life in Sept. 02. I couldn't be happier with her. She's a rare gem.

I have absolutly zero interest in anything having to do with my XW. Her family abandoned me as well. If not for necessary contact once in a while associated with my son, I would be very content to never see her again.

That said, I plan to attend OM's funeral - my former friend and pallbearer for my other son - just so I can make sure he's dead. Afterwards, I will spit on his grave - or worse.

Aren't you glad you asked? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

mkeverydaycnt thanks so much. I think I look better in typing than I actually feel. This is hard and quite actually it sucks, but I'm tough (or I'm good at pretending I am). I know I'm not the first to go through this and I won't be the last but sometimes I feel so absolutely alone in this. Thanks for caring.

IASL,

Welcome to the PLAN B Club.....

..and ML is right....

quote:---------------------------------------------------
Now you can expect an onslaught of attempted contacts trying to get you to break your Plan B.
---------------------------------------------------------

also...PLAN B is for you, too, because when you will start missing your S, not WS, don't be surprised if you might see yourself coming up with 'excuses' to contact WS.... just keep busy!

thanks WAT. Yes I am glad I asked because it's good to see that people can move on and be happy again. Spitting on his grave is kind compared to what he did to you. I totally understand your feelings. No matter how far you've moved past it, I'm sure the pain doesn't go away.

lunamare thanks. I am keeping busy with my kids and thoroughly cleaning my house, the basement, the attic, everything. Today I'm washing walls, anything to keep me busy. What's really hard is thinking about all the things we may never do together again so I'm working on finding new things to do. Not us things, ME things.

IASL,

quote:-------------------------------------------------
I'm working on finding new things to do. Not us things, ME things.
-------------------------------------------------------

Good...that will keep you out of trouble...also....do things that you enjoy...and spoil yourself a bit...you deserve it!

quote:-------------------------------------------------
What's really hard is thinking about all the things we may never do together again
-------------------------------------------------------

....I wouldn't try to avoid these thoughts....doing so may actually make it worse.... I would just give them a timeframe...like, I will think about it for 10 minutes... than move on.... or write them down.....come and tell us about it....

...be careful with the 'never' part.... don't think you can really say that...as you know now...we really don't know what can happen from one minute to the next sometimes!

(((((((((((((((IAMSOLOST)))))))))))))))

Lunamare thanks for your support. It means so much when I'm here sometimes feeling all alone. I know there are no definites in life, found that one out the hard way. I'm hanging on though and that's what matters right now.

Iam,

I know your in a tough place right now and its hard no doubt.

We are here for you and will not let you down.

I agree with Luna never say never because things can change with a blink of an eye. This is never over until You say it is.... Ultimatley you are the one in control and it will be you who decides when its over for you.

WS'S just don't see that they don't have all of the control they think they do. For now it may seem like it because they chose to leave and have an affair but it will be you who will decide if you want to take them back when they fall. They just don't get this, as they think they can come and go at their pleasure.

Continue doing for you and getting stronger..... Let the WS wallow in his own misery and when the time comes you will be the strong one......

Take Care,

Hurting