Asking both BSs and WSs; When I am intimate with my wife, everytime since D-Day, at one point or another, "OM" intrudes into my mind. Does this ever end??? For WSs, do you think of OM/OW when you are intimate with your BS? Does this ever end? Does affair pregnancy effect this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I pray every day that one day that those thoughts go away. In the beginning even tho I was wanting my H to touch me to reassure me that he did love me, but the minute he would start those awful thoughts would pop onto my head and right away I froze up. The very first time, I even got sick to my stomach tossed my cookies. I froze up for and then I would cry cause the images hurt me so bad. It has gotten better and dont happen all the time anymore but it still does every once in while right in the middle of something wonderful a imagine of them will just pop into my head and I will momentary freeze up and try to push it out of my head, but no matter how hard I try it is just not the same as it was before the imagine came to mine.

I dont tell my hubby about it anymore, and I try to hide it from him, sometimes I wonder if he knows because it does seem like he will slow down and just kiss me and hold me for a few minutes after I freeze, just concidence or he has picked up on it I dont know.

Our sex life has taken on a whole new meaning it is really good, and if I could just get them awful imagines to stop popping into my head once in while..... they drive me crazy.

It dont have to be just during sex, once in while I will start thinking did he kiss her that way, did they do this that way, and just thinking of it gets my stomach into knots and makes me sick. Heck even a romantic love scene on tv gets me uncomfortable wondering while we are watching it, who is thinking of while that is scene is playing, is it reminding him of their night? And I get so mad at myself for thinking these thoughts, that I am just glutton for punishment, but I cant control it.

I dont know if they will go away forever I pray for it but it has gotten farther apart in between :-(

[color:"blue"] YES, they do eventually go away. It does take time.

One 'trick' that worked for me...was hearing my H voice over the thoughts. I would just tell him, talk to me because I am getting distracted.

It helped ALOT.

Of course making new memories does too...so the more you are intimate....the farther away you will be from the times "they" were intimate.

FWIW. [/color]

Thanks gang, any more input on this would be appreciated. Do you have any experice in this ?

Bluejayed,

I am a BS and I am still working very hard on this topic myself....it is not easy but the frequency does not occur as often as it used to. My D-Day was August 21.

At one point in a heated discussion, I told my husband how I get these aweful pictures instantaneously pop into my head of the two of them together and how it makes me sick. He did not realize back then or even now how much this affair has impacted me.

I made the mistake of asking for every detail about this affair and what the two of them did in private. He said he was never going to lie to me again and told me everything I wanted to know. Every last disgusting detail of it all. Now I visualize them.....

We told our counselor about this and she recommended that anytime I have a flash pop into my head that I should not "block" the picture (the more you try to block the thoughts the more you actually focus on them) but to think about other positive, current memories. Replace the hurtful memories with new, good memories. This take a lot of concisous effort.

I hope this helps.... Hang in there

I have had these same issues, I am the BS. While we are being intimate, I just do my best to concentrate on US, as opposed to having mental flashbacks of what H did with OW. It is not easy, but I do try hard. I haven't told H that this happens, as I do not want to make him uncomfortable while we are being intimate. Maybe I should tell him. I think the thing that has helped the most for me is to think about a very intimate or passionate moment WH & I have had together in the past, and focus on that instead of focusing on the A. It does get easier with time. For me, the first few weeks were just awful, and I thought those mental images would NEVER go away, but it has been 7 weeks since d-day for me, and they honestly have gotten better. It just takes time. good luck!

Some have talked about affairs as being a type of "post-traumatic stress syndrome". These most definitely involve flashbacks. Are you seeing anyone for indiv. counseling? It can sometimes be helpful to have a neutral party listen to your "story".

It does get better, but it takes a while. I, too, can remember watching TV shows and start to wonder if he did that with the OW, and what did the OW look like, and.......I did leave the room crying one night because my imagination was going wild. He did follow me and ask what was the matter. I told him how it triggered all my doubts and fears, and insecurities. He tried to reassure me that the OW "Wasn't all that". The fact that she was 26 years younger than my WS and myself..didn't help! He then just held me while i cried.

Sometimes i'd like to turn off parts of my memory like in that one movie. But, would i want to turn off the good parts of the relationship????

My ex WS and i didn't end up reconciling. I was willing to accept the OC, but my ex didn't leave the OW in spite of saying he was going to multiple times. He talked about how awful their relationship was. How they were always screaming at each other. How self-centered and lazy she was. But, I guess that's what he wanted in the long run.

I did ask for lots of details. I think that my fantasies of what might have happened were probably worse than the realities. Plus, to be honest, I wanted him to have to be accountable ....to suffer...for all the pain he caused me. And it still was never enough......And I'm certain he still never told me the whole truth.

I hope that you find some peace of mind.