My WWH has gone from "lets work things out, I will do whatever it takes!" to "I'm confused, I'm not sure what's going to happen to us...our marriage!" He has gone from wanting to spend time with me to I need space from you. Gosh, I feel like I've been around this block before and all the same painful hurt feelings are back to haunt me. I am feeling rejected for the millionth time! Short story - my husband had an affair (Oct. 2004), got caught, told me that it was over between him and the OW, wanted to work things out with me, but continued seeing the OW behind my back....and this cycle repeats itself 7 times! So he's been caught lying to me repeatedly in the past year and a half. This last time he got caught he told me that it was over...honestly I can't help to think that this is just another lie of his. One behavior that changed and has helped me a little is he gave me access to his cell phone bill and email. He told me that he would do WHATEVER it takes to get me back. He was willing to let me ask questions and now he say's he can't handle the questions everyday (because my recovery started all over again Feb.06 - I had plenty of questions to ask, and I did daily). My husband started taking anti-depressant meds a few weeks ago because he said that he couldn't take the pressure. Of course now I feel pressured to keep all my feelings/questions bottled in. He told me once when I asked him a question that "he didn't want to go through this anymore....enough!" which basically meant that he didn't want to deal with the aftermath of the affair. I don't feel like this is right. Am I wrong to want to ask questions, do I just keep quite so that he doesn't have anxiety? I don't want the fact that he's taking meds to be leverage as to when I can ask or if I can ask questions about the affair. I feel VERY alone in this healing process and I am convinced he will not want any part of helping me get through it...I feel like it's all about him. I am also scared to admit that this "on again - off again" attitude from him will continue to repeat...

hurt

I know how you feel, my fww traeted me the same, she had A and told me when it was done that she wanted to make our marriage work but when ever I would bring up the topic, I got lies, yelled at, tried to pin it all on me, she even told me one time to leave and not come back until I got over it, get over what? her lies and betrayal by myself? Months would go by without us talking about it and she could see every day what it was doing to me.

I decided to do IC and she eventually started too and her eyes were finally opend and for the first time she could see what damage she had done. I think it shocked her but I do believe that she will never know how much she hurt me.

MC is going good and I thank God that he allowed it to happen. Our counselor (also a pastor at the church we started going to) is very good, he knows what to say, what to do to help us.

He is on the fog right now and eventually he will come out and he will be very hurt when he sees how much pain he caused you.

Hang in there and try to be patient, I know it's tough.

Try IC if you haven't yet, it will not solve your mariage problems but it will give you strength to go on and a back drop incase things get worse.

Stay strong.