hello, This is so weird that iam posting this but feels so desperate and confused. I would never think that i would do this. married with 2 kids going in 10 th year ,i had a relationship with married man . yep iam a cheater . No excuses fo me but it happened . mostly was a strong connection mentally and emotionally with a nice guy for alsmost 4 month. it was first time i feel what i felt with him.deeply connected and he was the same and felt all the way.we both knew are are insane doing the wrong thing but kept contacting and seein each other.until when came back from xmas vacation (but we were in contact daily almost 12 hrs through messages). he decided that we should stop for sake of our kids and since are not selfishwe have to be strong and stop seeing each other. I agreed with him bcs knowing the consequences that i would loose my kids if i go ahead with relationship. we said we will meet for last time before we split and kept contacing each other maybe 12 times instead of every single min(text messages) until i realized if i stopp messaging he wont contact me. anyway, since i stop contacting him i dont hear from him. but if i do he will answer.we did not meet each other for last time yet bcs he is busy(KNOWING HE USED TO FIND ALL THE TIME TO SEE EACH OTHE).ANYWAYS IAM NOT OVER HIM , I WANT TO MOVE ON ,MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND NOT GOOD, I DONT KNOW HOW TO MOVE ON AND TO LOOK WHAT I REALLY WANT. IAM SO CONFUSED OF EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW HAPPENING.WHATS RIGHT WHATS REAL WHATS WRONG.PLEASE HELP

hitide

Welcome to this site, I'm sure you will get help here.

First off, you made the right choice by stopping contact with OM. It will also be a good idea to write him a NC (no contact) letter but that should wait until your H knows about this and if you are repairing your marriage.

Second, go to counseling. Find someone you feel you can trust and you feel comfortable talking to. I found that a church pastor(free) is helping much more than a professional counselor ($70/hour. But choice is yours.

Third, I don't know the situation of your marriage but you mentioned it wasn't good. In that case, it might be better to wait and tell your H about your A until your counselor suggests that it's the right time. If you choose not to see a counselor, find a good friend you can trust and tell, tell someone. If your H has a temper or abusive, make sure there is someone there, i.e. counselor or friend when you tell him. They will be able to lighten your load and make it easier to tell him as well as help him if he freaks out or try and control him if he gets abusive. Basically be a safety barier.

It will be very tough for you to tell him about it but it needs to be done.

As for not being over OM, that is normal (withdrawal syndrome) eventually you will but I cannot say when, that depends on the individual. NC will help a lot.

Although it was very wrong what you did, I give you credit for ending it and trying to protect your kids from it.

Hope I was able to help.

Good luck

hi beatndown.
thanks for replying i really appreciate it. i WILL never ever try to tell my husband bcs for sure he will ask for divorce and take kids. thats 100% sure. I am not sure even if i want to stay in the marriage in the long run. Now i know iam so confused about everything so i can not make any unwise decision. I am not happy with my husband though he is a good person and i know he loves me. But I am not in love with him. iam ot sure of anyhting anymore even the OM. they say time will heal and give me answers and iam impatient. even if iam in love with the guy our relationship is impossible. i only want to know if he feels like me now and he is backing off or i was just a pass.i felt during relationship thats its not and iam sure otherwise iam so stupid. anyway, deep inside i still want to think and be with him and i dont want to forget him bcs i had the best time every with him.

You should tell your husband. You don't know if this guy has any STDs and I suspect your are putting your husband at risk. Your husband has a right to know regardless of what you feel. *************edit************

rick7355,
you are right i am so guilty and pathetic and my life might be so miserable. If i tell him i would loose my kids for sure. I know i want to stay in marraige for sake of my kids and maybe in future things will not work out between us but its too early now. i did not sleep with the Guy . we only had a mental and emotional connection but i know even though its bertayel. i felt for someone other than my husband. I know i dont love my husband but he is the father of my kids. I do not want to hurt him.

hitide - if you really want to make your M work, then you are at the right place. Don't pay much attention to what Rick7355 says. He is a very bitter person who is not interested in building marriages. I'm not really sure why he even posts here. Keep reading and posting and listen to the advice of the veterans here who will really be able to help you.

Rick7355,

Gosh...........where in the world did you come from???

bb