This is something I would worry about too - I activaly anazlyzed EVERYTHING my husband did to see if he was cheating too - to actually make what I was doing okay....

And when my H had his affair later on....he was CONVINCED without a doubt I was in an affair as well.....people in affairs sometimes try to convince themselves the other is too in order to feel better....

is he acting like HE may be in one? As is this behavior NEW for him? or has he always been like this

notcheating,
Work is work, you make money, it's better for the family. I had a hard time with my wife (girlfriend at the time) at a job she once had. One of her managers asked her to be his personal secretary, to travel around the world with him. I was insulted by that and I made her quit the job. That was a big mistake. It's not the other man, it should be a compliment that other men find you attractive. That is one of the things that needs to be understood.It's not what these men "try" to do with you, it's what YOU do with them. Remind him the he is the only man for you.

Seems that he may not converate with you as much as you want. As well, maybe the two of you need time for yourselves, or with other couples. Find a babysitter!

This is the husband.

I found this site last night from the email address that my wife used when she signed up for it. She didn't want to tell me at first but eventually I got what she was up to out of her. Those of you who said I should read what she wrote were 100% right on because now I know what a sneaky lying little ****** she is and I can't believe any of you fell for her little song and dance about how shes so innocent and blah blah blah blah.

To those of you who wonder how I know she is cheating well look at her behavior on this site. She couldn't wait to go around my back and find some way to talk ****** about me. I bet she tells these stupid lies to all of her new "friends" behind my back to and especially the men hoping that they will come in and rescue her from this big mean ogre of a husband she has. Shes always yapping about this and yapping about that. Who the ****** knows what she's talking about half the time I don't even think she knows what the ****** shes going on about and the other half I can't figure why anyone would even care.

But, the thing is that she is very very attractive. She takes good care of herself and even after our two boys she looks great. Motherhood even enhanced certain attributes if you know what I mean. She sits up front in her office and her "job" is to say hello to people as they come in the door and find out what they want blah blah blah. I wouldn't have a problem with that except the way she says hello. It's not just "hello" when she says it. It's said in a way that might as well be "free ****** here"

I see she told you a bunch of complete ****** strangers that she had sex with other men before we were married. That just goes to show you what a stupid ****** she is. She tells a bunch of strangers on the internet that shes had sexual experience. Shes always been one to like sex and don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about that but I think that women who like sex put off these vibes and other men can spot them a mile away and come sniffing around to get some. Like that little ****** whos wife just had a baby. He probably knows he's cut off from sex for a while and there goes my wife writing little extra notes to him so that he can think maybe shes going to be the one to pick up the slack.

She needs to quit her job and come home and take care of her family and thats all there is to it. No more arguments. Since she took that damn job all shes been doing is asking for this and asking for that yap yap yap yap. It never ends. And now shes here asking for advice on how to cover her sorry [censored]. Oh boo hoo she was all by herself that's a crock of [censored]. Every other day I'd come home and she'd have her sister or some cousin over and they'd be sitting there yapping away about whatever. She needs to get her [censored] home and keep it home instead of wiggling it around a bunch of horny ****** until one of them decides to take a piece of it.

I ain't having an affair. I'm not going to put up with having my wife ****** other men.

So, husband, tell us the evidence you think shows she's having an affair.

Just describe it. Include what she says.

We can tell. Guaranteed.

WAT

I already told you shes always flirting with men it's like everyone she talks to. It's not what she says it's how she says it she can say hello and make it sound like come ****** me now. If shes not getting poked now its only a matter of time before some guy takes her up on it. I told her she had to change her ways but she looks me right in the eye and tells me she ain't doing nothing then the next minute some ****** walks in the door and theres the come ****** me hello again.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough.

It IS what she says to you that will indicate to us whether she's having an affair or not.


So, you're not sure she's having an affair right now, huh?

You just think she will in the future, right?

WAT

Let me put it this way: people having affairs all say the SAME THINGS to their spouses.

They deny the affairs ALL THE SAME WAYS!

So, the dialogue between you and your spouse is a sure fire indicator.

Others things - is she gone for unexplained periods?

Does she have secret e-mail accounts you've discovered?

Does she have unexplained cell phone numbers on the bill?

In other words, what are your indicators of a possible affair other than just your suspicions with how she greets people?

WAT

So this is exactly how you interpret her actions.
What if you're totally wrong? Did you ever consider that at all?
I have all sorts of doubts about my FWW, but my IC said to me , "How does a person prove a negative? It's impossible!!!"
It seems you have lost your faith and trust in your wife. How do you explain this? Is there some evidence to the contrary, or are you letting your imagination get the best of you?
You need to be more explicit if any here are to be of any help to you. You both sound like you need to be in counselling as well. Would you consider that?
All I hear from your post is extreme anger over something that you are not really sure of, nor can you prove this.
There is a big problem here. It needs to be addressed!!
All Blessings,
Jerry

She denies it of course. She says she ain't having an affair and that I'm crazy and making a big deal out of nothing but ever since she went to work suddenly she wants to make all these stupid changes. She says you never do this or we never go here or so and so did blah blah blah for his wife blah blah blah blah. Suddenly I'm all wrong and everyone else is right and I'm not going to ****** put up with it anymore. I told her today shed better screw her ****** head on straight and get her [censored] back home where it belongs or I'm going to make sure shes really sorry.

As for evidence women are sneaky and they hide evidence of being with other men I'm sure shes learned some tricks from some of the office sluts she hangs out with. I don't let her get to far but how long does it take for some horny guy to rut and run.

We don't need no ****** [censored] counselor all we need is her to remember that shes a wife and a mother and do her real job. What the ****** is a counselor going to do anyway just tell her to yap yap yap some more. If shed stop yapping so much and listen to whats good for her then she wouldnt need a ****** counselor. You people drive me nuts with all this lets talk about it crap. All that leads to is more yap yap yap yap a bunch of pussies sitting around wringing there hands and nothing gets done.

You people are ****** worthless. Yap yap yap I got stuff to do.

One thing is for sure - assuming you have described accurately your behavior.

You are probably right - she will have an affair unless she leaves you first.

You are your own worst enemy.

To her - get an attorney and get you and your children away from this guy instead of having an affair. Stay clean until he's gone so you don't play into his arguments.

WAT

Mr.Notcheating.....

If your wife is not cheating and YOU refuse to hear her IT IS ONLY NATURAL that she would want help from others. Nothing wrong with that! Notice, she is at a MARRIAGE BUILDERS website. Believe me, there are other websites she could have gone to that are not about building marriages at all!


Her coming to a marriage building website IS hardly a sign that she is cheating on you! Wake up man, she may or may not be, but this is not the sign to look for! It is perfectly possible she is HONESTLY looking for help.
Face it, based on your comments and based on her comments YOUR MARRIAGE is in trouble.


What lies exactly? She came here saying YOU suspect her of cheating.....and YOU DO.

She clames she is not cheating and you have no SOLID proof that she is. SO you don't know if she is leing at all.



THis is so desrespectful. How can you say "she is yapping". That is not a way to your wife's heart.


This is such a bias statement. All sort of people have affairs. And not all attractive woman have affairs.



As WAT says, you have to go on more then the way she says hello.


Why are you calling your wife bad names? You need to understand that sometimes it is much easier to tell total strangers some personal information precisely because they are total strangers and your wife does not have to face us.



This is so sexist. I am a woman who likes sex! Nothing wrong with it and I never cheated on my H. And if other man want to sleep with me, it makes no difference because 2 people have to agree to have consensual sex.



Wow, your imagination is really working over time. I don't mean to be giving you a hard time, but come on! There are plenty of man that don't run to OW for sex just because their wifes are pregnant or just gave birth. You have children, did you run to have sex with OW? Were you not getting it at home?


What exactly has she been asking for and "yapping" about? This could help WAT to see if she is talking according to the "cheating" wife scripts.


The other man in her office will get nothign IF your wife doesn't choose to give it. Don't you see that? It is up to her, not just up to them. She can quit her job, but your problems will not go away. WIll you be able to keep your wife from all men in this world? You cannot keep her locked up at home. She will resent you and resentment is one ingredient that works well for a person to justify and AFFAIR. So you see, getting her to quit her job is not the sollution. It may be part of the solution, but it is not a done deal.


Best,
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mr. Cheating.
Just saw your last post. I can see my words or anyone elses are wasted on you.

WAT said it right, you are your worst enemy.

If the way you have expressed yourself here is the way you do on a continuous basis at home then your marriage is over. Just because you two are still living together does not mean it is not over.

It is a matter of time before your wife does have an A, beause the envirement that she find herself in IS breading grownd for Affairs.

And if she is one of the people that does not have Affairs, then SHE WILL LEAVE YOU, sooner or later.


MRS. cheating....

IF you are still out there and you do have a chance to read this post, please take care of yourself. I don't know if you are cheating or not. Let me tell you that we have witnessed here over adn over again that people cheat when they are not happy at home.

It is not a solution to the problems at home. It aplifies the problems and turns the cheater's life into a living nightmare! Don't do that to yourself. Life is already complicated enough, and jumping from one relationship into another will not fix the problems. Why do I say this to you? Because, as I told your Huband, even if you are not cheating, if your situation is as bad as you say, and as it frankly sounds to me, and your H is very controlling, then you are a prime candidate for an AFFAIR If your situation does not improve.


Best to you.....

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by Cherished

Mr. cheating....

Never before have I been compelled to write this to anybody here before.

YOU NEED TO GET HELP...

You are emotionally abusive to your wife, and abuse is abuse.

reading your comments was like going back in time, say fifty years maybe? such derogatory (look that one up) and asinine (this one too)comments about your wife and mother of your children made me literally shudder in my boots...BECAUSE I FEAR OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR WIFE AND KIDS IN THAT HOME.

You need help man.

and you need to realize that you live in the year 2006. hello? did you hear that? 2006.

Not only that...BUT THERE ARE LAWS THAT PROTECT WOMEN FROM ABUSIVE HUSBANDS THESE DAYS...AND EVEN VICE VERSA...abusers find that out the hard way.

so? women at work are all about yapping and [censored] swinging? wow. remind me to think about that when i am helping save lives each day in the workplace. just guess i forgot dude that we women are all brainless blobs who provide hours and hours of entertainment at work for the men...? how about men like my xh? men who DO SLEEP AROUND AT WORK? not all people do you see.

You exhibit very serious behavioral signs that you need to get help for...the controlling behavior, the verbal abuse, the demanding..the disrespectful behavior. Please do so for your sake...and secondarily for your wife and children's sake.

if you don't change, she will wake up, realize WHO SHE IS SLEEPING NEXT TO AND WHAT HE IS...and walk out anyway. I just pray she is ok in the interim.



Mrs.Notcheating,

I am sorry for your situation. You probably need the money and that is why you are working. Plus it is nice to have other friends. I work in a primarily male profession. and there is NOT a chance in ****** I'd ever or my coworkers would ever have an affair...it is boundaries you place within workplace friendships that keep it so.

i understand what it's like to be home with a baby...i had moved to a strange state and that time, my xh was then my H. he was one having affairs...and wanna know what he did after I found out?

HE ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING TOO. me? was ludicrous. he even had pi follow me.

I never did...but my counselor I saw told me this "when you point a finger accusing somebody else of something, many times what you gotta know is there's four other fingers pointing right back at themselves"...meaning with this rage, disrespect, and abusive comments made by your H, then he could be having one himself.

other advice?

PLEASE GET SAFE. I think this man is emotionally abusive, controlling and needs to get help. but he is his own RESPONSIBILITY. You need to remain safe. You and the children need a safe home. I just hope there is not any other kind of abuse going on there.

nobody deserves to live a life where they are ridiculed for being an attractive person or wanting to work outside of the home. nobody. that is abuse dear. please think hard and ask yourself if this is somebody you think is healthy?

PRIMARY GOAL...GET YOURSELF HEALTHY...go to counseling/get help immediately. make sure you and kids are safe. I just have a bad feeling about this situation.

and I've never posted this back to anybody before.

Post deleted by Cherished

i hope these posters are indeed authentic...got another one below that I feel wierd about too.

Post deleted by Cherished

I just see very negative behaviors going on here...again, if authentic...and am scared for his wife and kids.

he's controlling, very very abusive emotionally, and that these kids are hearing this in the home.

do we need stats on violence? when my xh, then H thought I was cheating and he was totally outta control during that time, I also was on receiving end of some bad stuff...i packed my suv, took ds and all i could fit in it, pets too...and left him finally. drove home to tn...and my family was mortified. my bro in law, a doc, saw my bruises and he took me to police station. yea, when the affairs were at the highest point, when my xh was at his craziest during that time and EXHIBITING THE SAME KINDA ABUSE THAT THIS GUY IS GIVING....it was not long before my h went totally over the edge and had a few incidents of abuse with regards to me...only happened at the end and during that time btw...he was so horrible.

i see same patterns beginning to happen here. he's disrespectful. wants wifey at home all the time. accusing her of cheating. he's verbally abusive. makes her feel bad about herself. why? all of it to keep her controlled at home. even only one vehicle. he drops her off and picks her up. he is one in charge. he is one who has the time to have an affair...he is the one who is controlling...scary scary stuff.

Mrs.NotCheating....

realize that at any time of the day at work, you can call for help. abused spouses can get help. nobody has to live in danger. nobody has to live and be ok with being abused. we have laws in this society, this country that will protect you and your children. this kinda stuff happens to strong women even...at the end of my M, when my H was cheating, he did similar things to me. but I got out...was lucky I guess...and i had done all prior to help save us.

he has to this day NOT SAVED HIMSELF. deeper and deeper in to that proverbial fog we talk about here...he almost broke his present wife's jaw this summer incidentally. he is disrespectful now to her, multiple affairs, and has magnified his behavior he showed with me (again, only during the time of his affairs and at end of marriage) by 1000 percent imho. before his metamorphisis into the WS, whom I now refer to as DARTH...., he was warm, kind, loving, respectful, truthful, doting husband and dad, and very very supportive of me. now he is just a picture I have tucked away b/c that man is long gone...sad but it happens. he is somebody else now. just someone who walks and yaps (yea Mr. not a cheater, I SAID A MAN IS A YAPPER!) and just looks like the wonderful man I used to know. all that's missing now is the heavy breathing, black cape, and mask...he's darth all right!

please just be healthy and safe. and keep the kids healthy and safe.

From his and her posts I get the feeling that he is crossing a line with her and being emotionally abusive. Of course we have very little information to go on.

I hope we are wrong, but his response here is a troubling sign that at least emotional abuse is going on.

And as peachy pointed out it can escalate and I doubt she thought her H was capable of that......

Mrs.Notcheating....please take care of yourself......I hope we are wrong .......and I hope that you are being treated well....