Jennifer,

Thanks for checking. I was doing OK but this morning had a long conversation with WH and it did not go well. He seemed angry and irritated and cold. He said some rather mean things and said he wanted nothing from the house. He said the house is mine and everything in it. He is angry with his mother for all the calls but as I told him, she's his Mother. My family is not calling him. I will go with Plan B now but I am concerned that it is too easy for him. I keep paying the bills even though his check is being used for this purpose as well as mine. It seems that this is no responsibility on his part. He plays house with OW and I take on all the responsibility. I will give this a couple of weeks and then will force the issue of separate finances. I already have the separate account and will have my check go there so he doesn't have access. He says he will sign the quit claim deed next weekend and I will have our Income Tax forms ready for his signature as well.

It seems so hopeless to consider he would ever return. He seems so adamant about the end of our marriage. He has taken full blame and says he feels so guilty but doesn't think there is anything to save.

Howz about sending his bills to her address?@!?!?! LOL!! I almost did that but mine came home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Got to channel your anger and energy into something BS constructive and A destructive. U up for some ideas? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Fire away. I am open to ideas. I was just saying today I am getting tired of myself moping around feeling sad. I need to do something. What have you got in mind?

Nkay

Well, the way I see it, is that Plan B would be the only last attempt in saving the M. It won't improve, the way things are now. This relationship is in need of a drastic measure of some kind. Just try to keep strong, and follow thru. Keep your head up, and show your self respect, and let it be known, that you are not to be toyed with. It will show that you can survive with or without him. And THAT will be attractive, in its self. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And I want to hear Orchid's ideas! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> She always has good ones! Are you up to that?

I will move forward with Plan B.

I would love to hear the ideas. I would love to know how to end the A and get rid of the OW. She is determined and WH is gullible.

Yes, he is defiantely in "fog" mode! This is why it's important to let him play this out, so the reality will return.

Ok, Orchid, we're waiting! Throw em' out there! (the ideas, that is! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)

How to cause LB's from afar.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

1. Do a complete background search on the OW....financial, criminal, etc.

2. Stick within the letter of the law and file charges if she has a criminal record, use it to keep your children and property out of her reach. If she appears clean.....go find another route. OPs leave a slimey trail.....just part of their anatomy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

3. Send WS' bills to her home (or where he resides). Give the creditor's his cell #.

4. Do less for the WS and only do more when your H shows up. Know the difference and don't placate the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Let the OW try and meet his 'real' needs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

5. Mine left a bag of his laundry at my home when he watched our son while I was out of town. Since I refused to meet his needs and do his laundry (he had moved out of the house), I took his bag of laundry and hung it on OW's front door. LOL!!! The story gets funnier but you get the gist.

6. Send an anonomyus e-mail to the WS posing as another GF. LOL!!! I know this has been done before. LOL!!! It sure stirs up a hornet's nest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

7. Ask wondering questions and plant seeds of doubt with the WS and OP's minds (or what's left of it). LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

That's for starters. Remember, plan A your spouse but plan B the WS.

L.

Nkay, this is coming from a true pro! And notice, she is able to keep her humor about it.

That laundry story was a good one, along with some others that had me rolling. (Personally, the "Emotional Divorce" story was my favorite. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Anyway, keep your head up, and let us know how things are moving along for you. Have you put your Plan B letter together, yet?

Nice work all around here, you all are motivating me!

This has been a very tough weekend. First, my WH calls me yesterday and acts so cold and distant. He seemed angry which makes me crazy because I haven't done anything! I told him that he should let me know when he takes money out because he had taken $100 out the day b4. He seemed like he hated me. This morning he calls me to say he is taking money out - going to the store to buy coffee, bacon, eggs. He spent $10 which he does not require my approval for but it just pointed out to me that he is getting breakfast stuff so he and the OW can have a nice Sunday breakfast. This is a normal Sunday ritual for us and hurt me so much. He was again very cold. It seems like he will never be back. Does reconciliation ever happen when it is so mean at the start of the separation? Yesterday, I did not do well on the phone and cried and got upset with him because of his attitude.

I don't want to give him a Plan B letter until next weekend when I get our taxes done and hopefully, get him to sign a quick claim deed.

I am miserable. I feel so lost.

Nkay -

Sorry you are having a bad day.....



All the more reason to quickly get your finacial sitch in order. You don't need to hear about that kind of stuff. And you won't be when you go into Plan B.

You said you have opened your own account, right?



Oh yes. Just stick around and read some of the stories here..... My WH was awful too. Plan B is a haven for me(after I adjusted to it). Prepare yoruself ahead of time if you are considering going to Plan B...

Kim

Yes, I have my own account and hope that I can get into a firm Plan B next weekend. I have to see him to file our taxes and get him to sign the quick claim deed. Then it is plan B all the way. I don't want to hear any hurtful details of his A.

I hope that there is hope. I want to believe it.

Jennifer, The fog may be clearing! After the weekend conversations went so wrong, I called him today to say that I felt he had been cold and mean and wanted to talk about it. I poured my heart out and told him that I was trying to understand why this had happened and what I think may have enabled it to happen. I told him that I truly felt that we could save our marriage and that I was willing to try if he could meet me halfway. I told him that I could see now that I should have insisted on counseling after the first D Day and I didn't because I thought he was done with the OW. I told him I understood that he tried to end it but that she kept calling him, saying "let's just be friends" and that he would succomb thinking he could handle it and it would get away from him. I reiterated that he must end all contact in order for us to try to rebuild our marriage. I told him I still loved him and missed him and that I understood that he had feelings for her but that we had a 10 year history that should outweigh this feeling. I told him that we could recapture our love if we tried and that, with time, he would forget about her. I told him I was willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage but he had to end it and end it completely.

He listened and said he missed me and loved me. He was like his old self. We talked for 1 1/2 hours.

Am I fooling myself to be optimistic?

Don't listen to his words. Stop hoping things will get better. Sheesh, the lovers had a nice Sunday breakfast yesterday!!!

Get your quit claim deed signed, and your financial stuff in order. After that, get your Plan B letter written.

Nkay, without trying to crush your hopes with this conversation you just had with him, I just want to warn you, that it's still too soon, to put any trust into his words. He has had no time or distance, yet, to experience life without you. I'm sure he is very well aware that he can walk right back into your heart, at any given time, with a few kind and soft words. Words that we have wanted and craved to hear for SOOO long, and only now, do they come out, when we are at our MOST vulnerable.

I hate to say this, but I don't believe he is "finished", just yet, on the "other side". Not this soon.

I'm not saying there isn't any hope for your marriage. There most certainly IS hope. But this all has to be taken in steps, without skipping any. Otherwise, this "mistake" will happen again and again. This is your chance to show that you will not settle for anything less than acceptable and respectful behavior. Plan B will add strength to your marriage, where the weaknesses were (are) currently present.

I wish there were a quick fix for this type of thing, but unfortunately, it has to go in phases, and run its coarse, or else, it will crumble, again.

Hang in there, and keep your strength! Head held up high, and stand FIRM!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

JMHO, don't talk too much to the Ws. They can't handle the traffic. Notice how he can't even engage in a convo w/you? Especially when the WS is the H, it takes 'em much longer to digest info. So choose your words wisely. Figure that he will only hear 10% and do even less.

Read His Needs/Her Needs, learn how to communicate with the other gender. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Nkay, how are you holding up? Hope all is well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I guess. The last two days my WH sounded so ready to come home and work on our marriage and now this AM he needs some time. He said he needs time to break it off with OW. "He has grown quite attached to her and her child." I mentioned to him that I would have thought he was fairly attached to me and his own son. I don't know what to think. He is obviously confused. And now I may have a job offer out of state. I will see what the weekend brings. Apparently, the OW is putting up a fuss about his coming home. He doesn't seem to be terribly concerned about me.
Just her.

Yeah, he's confused - he doesn't know which piece of cake to eat next.

I'm sorry, Nkay. It's just too hard to believe anything they are saying or doing at this point.

Well, I'll pray about this, and that God will answer your questions. You never know, this job offer out of state might just be more than you think. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Maybe it's a door about to open for you. Whether it's to open your H's eyes, or to offer you a new opportunity.

Well, keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take care...Jennifer