One of the things I most admired about my WH was how he took care of his children by himself. The kids mom is a drug addict, and continues to this day. She was no help at all. Also he was always in the lives of her 2 younger girls.

I used to feel bad for him too.

He always pushed to get married. After we were married, he let me take over most of the duties. I'm sure he would never have been interested in a woman like OW then, because he needed someone to help raise his kids.

We didn't even have a year together after the kids were on there own. We bought a new Harley, and planned to take lots of trips together. I rode on it once. After that he took off into the sunset with the OW on the back.

Geez, Believer, I'm sorry it all ended up like that. How painful that must have been. And still, most likely is.

My fiancee loves kids, too, (even if they do drive him crazy, at times). He also had step kids, that he still keeps in touch with. If it were up to him, we'd have ALL these kids, in one big house as one big happy family. (And he thinks he feels crazy, now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)

It was extremely painful for the first two years. Now I have a good life, and it doesn't bother me as much.

My WH still tells me that I was a good wife and mother, and that it is all his fault.

The thing that hurts still is the destruction to our family. Our kids are still close, like brothers and sisters. I am still close to my step son, and see him several times a week. My step-daughters are no longer in contact with me as a result of the fall out from the affair.

I'm glad your life is better now. I guess what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

Life is one BIG learning experience!! And never without lessons to be learned, along the way!

i was chatting with LT about your situation, and she thought i should post. which is not my typical response, but you've been helpful for us and i hope i could return the favor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

without knowing everything about your boyfriend, i do have some questions. how long has he been divorced, and how many other women has he dated? you mentioned you do not "play the field"... but did (does) he? is this your first serious relationship after your divorce? i don't want to infer rebound, especially in your case, but it's always a possibility. did you two live together before he moved away? and you said money was an issue, but what about your incomes combined, as they would be in a marriage? even by tightening the belts, he didn't want to stay with you to try to make it work? even knowing you wouldn't leave (or was that decided after the fact)?

i think you're making the right decision, and i can only imagine how difficult a decision it is to make. unless you're 100% sure, you put your children under hardship having to move, especially at this time in their lives. and you don't sound 100% sure... even though you seem to be second-guessing yourself.

anyway... just my measley two cents... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

- steve

My 2 cents are:

You don't uproot teenagers. It's just asking for trouble.

When he moved, did you talk about all of this then? If he was serious about you, why wasn't this discussed before he moved away from his support system? Were YOU his support system?

Does he want a wife and helpmate or a maid and babysitter?

What do you plan to do when your kids leave?

I don't think there's any easy answer but you seem to be true to yourself.

The blended family stuff is hard especially w/significant age differences. But, you have an advantage in that yours are essentially grown and will all be off to college w/in a year.

As for as that is concerned, how would you moving to where he is impact your children after they graduate HS? Are they all going away to college (dorm rooms)?

As for his kids, I just get a sinking feeling (my own - nothing to do w/your situation).

W/a blended family there's just so much you have to think about. So much that the two of you need to talk about well in advance of marriage. I blindly (as did my H) thought that b/c I loved him and he loved me all the pieces would fall into place and we would live happily ever after ... NOT.

What about his ex? Will she ever be in the picture?

You've gone through so much and sacrificed your personal life for the sake of your kids that I would hate to see you make a mistake. I cannot blame you for being careful. I wish I had been. But, I don't want to see you lose out on a great second chance b/c of your past hurts.

Have the two of you been able to talk about your reasons for hesitating? Is he trying to push you b/c he needs help around the house?

I really wish I had some great advice to give. You have helped me so much in the past few weeks. I can voice to you things that I have no one else to talk to about.

I will pray about this. God bless.

Wow, thank you ALL, for your responses!

First, to answer WL's questions. No we did not live together, while he was here. I have been with my parents since I divorced. I had already decided along time ago to remain alone, at least until the girls were raised. I felt that a 3 parent family was the next best thing to a 2 parent. They have been wonderful and very supportive.

When I met him, I had let him know, the my girls were my first responsiblity. He understood, but had always hoped that we would marry, and settle down, pretty much right away.

No, he wasn't playing the field, either, however, he seemed to want to find someone, and settle down. We had discussed his moving away, because he was concerned what it would do to us and the relationship. I understood and supported him. Because I know how difficult it is to make a living here. I told him I needed to get my girls thru school, and then I would eventually would join him. It was until now, that I am not a 100% sure, if this is what I want.

We had been thru alot of ups and downs while he was still here, and since he has left, I've had time to absorb and think about the reality of this situation, and only now, am questioning it.

GG, I think he wants the whole nine yards, a wife, someone to love and to be loved in return, a mother for his kids, and a domestic partner. He also wanted to be a father to my kids, but my kids didn't feel they needed to be fathered at this point in their lives. They have always looked to their grandfather, as their father figure. And they are only NOW beginning to rebuild a relationship with their own dad. (Another long story!!)

L2S...One of the twins plans to move to her father's area, and attend beauty school, and the other one does not wish to attend college, but does want to work with children. She's still undecided. The youngest wants to attend college, and become a teacher.

His ex is only in the picture, when it's convienient for her, and not usually for the right reasons. (Another long story!)

Anyway, this is SOOO complicated, not something I ever expected, should I ever meet someone, again. I really don't know what it was I was expecting! I should have known, that I would not have found someone, that wouldn't have kids and a past of their own.

Anyway, I have to get ready for church, and will check in when I get back. Again, thankyou all sooo much for your responses! I feel fortunate to have found support here, at this point in my life, as I didn't before, when I was married! God Bless...Jennifer

Forgot to answer, yes, this is the first serious relationship for me, since the divorce. Infact, this is only the 2nd one I've ever had.

Ok...now off to church! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />