Hello everyone--

Like many of you, I did not want to get a divorce, but here I am. I got married in June 2005 and after 6 mos. of marriage to my husband, I filed for divorce because he is controlling and abusive. I had to escape and was in hiding for a while until it was safe. We have no children together (which is a blessing now) - our divorce will be finalized soon, I just received papers for a default decree to be entered and will be signing the papers Monday.

On the outside my husband was very loving, and caring. But our private life at home was a nightmare. He used "godly submission" to control me and physically & sexually abused me whenever he wanted to. Not to mention all the mind games, etc. He also used threats and intmidation to control me as well, and kept 2 rifles behind the bedroom door one of which was loaded for a time. He told me they were for "protection" should anyone break into the house where we lived with his mother.

I have been to a christian psychologist and he gave me some information about abusers, and out 0f 8 characteristics of an abuser, my husband matches 7 of them. My husband would make a good cult leader - very believeable. We went to marriage counseling, but it did not help. I feel so betrayed, hurt, and alone. He is destructive, and drove me to this. I wonder now if he purposely did all these things to me so I would leave...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I just could not take the control/abuse any longer.

There is no place for abuse in any relationship. It's unfortunate that your marriage and your husband did not turn out to be what you expected.

You may be very fortunate however, to have taken the initiative to remove yourself from an abusive relationship.

Sorry that you are here under these circumstances.

How long did you know him before you married him? Were there any warning signs at all?

We had a long distance relationship and dated for 7 months. I wanted to wait a year to get married but he pressured me to move the date up. As far as warning signs I did not see any because I was in love. I had outside influences who observed the relationship but they did not notice anything questionable until it was too late. It was when I got into the car to headoff for the honeymoon did I notice something and felt in my spirit something was not right about him, but it was too late by then. I just kept telling myself it was nervousness about first time intimacy since I was a virgin and he said he was too - but on our honeymoon he raped me. and repeatedly throughout the marriage. The rest of the abuse started shortly afterwards.