My story is quite long but I really need help . Help to understand why i left? and why I am longing to go back?
I met my husband back in highscool when we were 16 years old we had an on again off again relationship. My parents did not like him too much because they thought he was not the right guy for me. When he went off to college in the states we did not speak for a whole year and then I joined him a year later. When i arrived to the states he did not want to hook up with me because he did not want problems with my family anyhow i pursued him and kept calling and then we had an on again off again relationship for a couple of years after that. He never really truly apprecited me because he felt as though our relationship would never work out~ for many reasons
So we got married against our parents wishes ans then the drama begins
2 years we were livivng and wokring but not communicating porperly and i was always to blame for everything i tried to do everything for that man.
He said i chnaged i chnaged because i gave up everything for him my family, education everything to be with him and i got lonely at times because he said he could not support me 100% i was emotinally weak i was depressed and unhappy so we had ups and downs but i made sure to make up to him no matter what.
Here is when the bomb got dropped. I would call a highschool freind for support when iw as upset because he was not there fo r me he was a guy and a close freind. so my husband got pissed off and thought i had bad intentions no no no he got it all wrong so i explained ot him why i would call and i promised him it would stop i also chnaged me number and gave him the password to all my emails.......
So for 6 mtnhs he kept saying I DONT WANT YOU YOU ARE NOT MY WIFE
LEAVE DISAPPEAR . I tired so hard to chnage my attitude i became more loving and i took exxtttrraa care of him he kept saying dont get mad if i see other ppl
i am an american citizen he was going through thr green card process with me and he would say i feel i am using you for the green card and he would say i told you to leave and i am free to see and do whatever i want ur in the way of my freedom and he wouls say u pushed me to marry you
he said that he felt stuck with me and that we were only roommates and he started making me pay half rent and other stuff and i was not making a lot of money and i was aslone my parents would not speak to me. he said he did nto want to waste his time and money on me. it was a nightmareeeee and all idid was try and ask him to give me a second chnage and he saw a chnage he said u have to leave i had no where to goooooo. he started becoming physical saying i was suffocating him and that all i should do was leave. he said he did not love me for 6 mtnhs without chnaging his mind. he said iw ould have filed for divorce but that green card is pending.. so many nasty things and i gave up everything to be with him. girls phone numbers on his phone escprt girls phone numbers strippers cards in his back pockets.. al which he said he staged and none was true he wanted to piss me off on purpose so that iw ould leave.......
my dad has cancer.... so i thought this is all not worth it let me leave i have tried my best hes not changing his mind
so i left and 3 days later he calls crying come back.........
i gave he a billion chnaces during the 6 mtnsh if torture i lost 30 poundssss
i love him to death hes my first love but its toxic
i cant go back now i moved back home my parents greeted me with open armssss and so much support
and if i got back to him i dunno what the risk will be
he says he chnaged and he says ****** support me...
but i was there and he did not
everything i ever wanted hes offering me now
what should i do??????
my parents even hate him more for subjeacting me to all this time of torture because he claims that he fell out of love and now he loves me
and he wanted to teach me a lesson supposedly... i dunno i need help

He is sending me emails and pictures of him. It killsss me he was not like that when i was there begging him to give us a second chance for 6 mtnhsssss
I feel so alone i have been with him for yearsssss . he is uspoorting me when i cry on the phone now my parents dont want to hear it they want me ot move on and be happy and they say they will never accpet him and they told me its either him or us.
I have backstabbed my parents . Put a restraining order on my father because of this man. my father is veryyyy sick now. I feel as thought i have lost my "one" i have never dated before he was my one and only and i am so weak i feel he controls me. I felt like a servant during the six mnths all i said was yes and i accpeted everything he did to me because i gave up everything for him and he just said no no no ur dont always get what you want
and now hes crying, he cant live without me. During the six mnths he would nto touch me saying my skin was disgusting and i was pathtic for not leaving him alone i thoguth he was my husband? i thought i had the right to want him? no hes so sorry for mistreating me and he says u know how not to make me feel that way....
i feel my life is over
It seems like everytime I talk to him , he somehow gives a great explanation as to why he treated me the way he did for 6 mtnhs.
1- Because I pushed him away . Due to my disrespctful behavior and the fact that i begame agressive? i was only tired and needed emotional help and he was never helping me he got sick and tired of me. we were alone no family he was my everything my support system i sacraficed all for him.

2- He felt as is my intentions were bad. How the ****** could he think that i gave up everything for him i treated him like a king i chnaged my ways for him and still he did nt give me a second chnace

3- he said all uhad to do was leave so i could clear my head. he was working all the tiem and out wqith freinds while iw ould be crying at home isnt that enough space and when he would come home at 5 am i would make hima meal to please him and massage him to relax him and tell him eevrything will be ok and still he would nto chnage his mind

i am so lost without him i revolved my whole life around this man an dnow on the phone he sounds so beautiful hes giving me all the support because he says that his feelings are back and i did not deserve this support when his feelings were gone for the 6 mtnhs
You see when I talk to him he blames my family for not loving me enough to accpet him. I dont think hes after the green card but he says if i were after the green card there are mnay american womean out there that tell me they want to marry me cause i am so nice hes like i could gooff and marry on of them.
Whenever i mention what he has done to me he says it was my fault for not leaving when he first told me to leave and then he said if my feelings come back then ill ask u to come home i was a million miles away from home my parents lived in the middle east andi had no family or freinds in the states.

He barely touched me in 6 mnths and would push me away when iw ould come near him. i would understand 1 or 2 mnths but 6 mnths?
Ok i admit i was an emotinal mess and the phone calls to my highschool freind
was wrong but i fixed it all and i surrendered to him.. and still no chnage...
he thought i would never leave i guess becaus ehe thought my family did not want me and financially i could not live alone but i did
before i left i went to him and said i am leaving and he said GOODBY AND GOODLUCK and i called on the place it was an expensive phone call sn he said its toolate now ur on the plane we were both unhappy.... bu ti thought he wanted me to leave!?!?!?!? and then he says i might be away with my freinds dont come??!!?!?!?!?! he said my feelings did not come back then
and i was like what ? and then now he says i am back to loving u and trusting u for ever i will never do you wrong ur my princess

feel as thought the way he feels right now for me no man will ever feel the same. I have worked hard on building the relationship. I have worked hard in making him love the way he does. I am too tired to go through the same thing again with someone else.
he said :

to be clear on what would you come back to if you make the right decision. This is my plane of action in how we will proceed with our life once we’re reunited:



I will make sure to love you and will crave for your love every minute and cherish every minute we spend together

You will continue you college education because we can afford it. I will lay off our financial plan later on.

I will schedule for activities for us to do on weekends and for other times to take a vacation and spend time just the two of us away from everything we now or see every day.

my question is why now why when i left why not when i was there?
its tortureeee
hes answer is i feell out of love sorry
my god.... i dont know howw to deal....
this is really messes up
i feel my life is over
i am so broken and hurt and weak
how could someone fall out of love and then all of a sudden fall in love? i think i am missing something?
am a little concerned as of right now. He is sending me pictures of himself and he has lost a lot of weight. I did walk out on him because he asked me to!! He is now saying that I left him alone to suffer in the apartment and i responded well you left me alone when I had no one for 6 mtnhs and did not even come near me. He at least was in contact with his family and he had an aunt in NY. I was all alone in the states and my family refused to talk to me in result of my "secret" marriage to him. I have sacraficed a lot to be with this man.
He says my personality chnaged well it did a little i was complaning of being tired i worked and came home and cooked and cleaned and prepared his lunch for the next day did his laundry. And he would watch t.v. and not want to be near me when i was done.
Our sex life was horrible- He would never approach me for anything it was always me..... it made me feel horrible... can anyone exaplin that? and then froma horrible sex life to a non-existent one where he would refused to come near me and even hold my hand .
He thought my intentions were bad because of phonecalls to a highschool freind... when he made it clear it bothered him I stoped contact with the guy and chnaged my number and everything.
After he told me that he did not want to be with me/did not love me I started to change and i worked so hard for 6 mtnhs to proove to him that I will not upset him. I would still cook clean for him and give him massages etc and get nothing back.... I would rub his feet when he would come back from work and just make him feel relaxed.
If he wanted space to think he would have said honey i think we have problems and i want space ot think.... okay that would be understanble
BUT-- he was like I am not your husband, you are not my wife. This all is a big mistake just go away and make time heal. He would not wear his ring and tell me dont get mad if u know i am seeing other people because I said i dont want to be with you. I was like what about the life we built together -- hes like thats all gone now. It was torture seeing him shower,shave and get dressed on a Saturday night and not take me with him and come home with sparkles on his face and strippers buisness card in his back pocket not to mention girls phone numbers from bars.... my god i was all alone for 6 mtnhs suffering and putting up with it. I WOULD GO TO WORK SO DEPRESSED IW OULD BE UP ALL NIGHT HE WOULD ARRIVE AT 5 AM !! and i would have 2 hrs of sleep.. and he would not hug me or comfort me i was all alone....
I was sorry i pushed him away but it was unnessary for him to do what he did to me.
Now hes crying and saying that i was the best thing that ever happened to him after what? its so sad that he did not just give me a hug and say thats it we will work on things .....
the guilt trip i feel for leaving him alone is making me severly depressed he was my baby the man i took care of.... and the pictures thats hes sending all i want to do is feed him and care for him.....
he said he might loose his status in the u.s. and have to go back to his home country... and he might loose his job and i feel i am to blame.
he was like if i wanted to marry you just for the green card i could have married any other american girl whos family approves of me and does not hate me like urs.. he was also like if we get divorced there are many american girls here who said they would marry me so that i could stay in the country..... beucase they thought he was a nice guy.... i mean where did he meet thoese girls?
He is telling me now that he wears his ring all the time.... and why not when i was there?
This is all a mess.....
can anyone offer some more advice?

Thank you all for the support.
I think I am on my way to understanding why I left. Sometimes I wishes i went to a hotel for a week and waited for him to call me instead of going back to my family. Juts to give hima chnace to fix things.
I just need y'alls support I am scard i might end up back with him.
As you all know he was my first love in which i pursued him not him to me.
I feel alone without him I am just not use to life without him.
Here with my family my life is great i have a car a great job ( thanks to my dad) they will pay for my tution when i go to college anything i need they do provide me because they have the finacial ability to do so.
But i feel it is selfish in my part to choose i comfortable life over him. Also i am scared i might never love they way I loved him it so scary i want to be able to love again but its so hard.
Its hard to let go but i do love him.
I feel if I were less co-dependant on him he would have been more at ease with me.
its just that i was alone and lonely there.. and did nto make an effort to have freinds because all i ever wanted to do was be a good wife and i worked to help out as well.
he will always be in my heart.. I just want to know how do i know if i really love him or not?
Will I ever feel better? My days are so long thinking of him i cry all the time its horrible
i cant enjoy anything all i do is reach out for help
his freind told me you shold have not made the desiocn when u were angry...
ur support is appreciated

I'm really sorry for what your having to go through. How long have you been with your parents now? You said at one time you had a restraining order on your father, was this while you were in your parents country or the states? You stated that he was becoming physically abusive, if that is the case DO NOT go back! Apparently he thought he could do anything he wanted and you had to put up with it because you were so far away from your family and friends.

You also said that "Life is Great" with your parents. Give it time. Right now take it one day at a time and quit worrying about if you will find another one to love you the way you think he does right now.

Others on here will be able to give you some good advice.

I think your husband wants a maid, door mat, and that green card! And with you he had all three!