I see a lot of posts stating that since recovery began their marriage is "better than ever". I wonder if that's an exaggeration similar to "I have a million things to do".

I will agree that our marriage is better since she has started being honest. I will agree that our marriage is better now that we have started to identify the problems and have worked on them rather than her sweeping them under the rug, but I cannot say that our marriage is better than ever .

Days after our wedding I remember being in a state of bliss knowing that it was just her and I... true happiness that had no measurement or after-thoughts. I can no longer say the same thing or feel the same way just as I cannot say that a vase that was broken and glued back together is better than ever .

Yes, we have greatly improved our marriage since the problems began and I'm thrilled that we are still together, but I remember a day when there were no problems. I can't think of anything better than that.

Well, the statistics are somewhere - of the marriages that are recovered, only around 20% are "better than ever". Of course, that doesn't include those who know all of the MB stuff.

That is why they say recovery is the hardest part of all.

Our marriage is definitely BETTER THAN EVER....definitely NOT AN EXAGGERATION...



We do have lots of problems..life problems..relationship problems..work problems..

BUT WE WORK ON THEM TOGETHER...

I LOVE MY HUSBAND..I LOVE MY LIFE NOW...

I hate it that I had to go through the pits of HE//to get here though..YUCK...

Just wanted to say that today....

Thanks for giving that opportunity...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Our marriage is getting better, but it's also harder because we are not taking any short cuts (or burying our heads in the sand, or turning to other people for support).

We are turning towards each other and at the same time facing ourself. Oh, growing pains.....

Hopeful4future,

I know what you mean about people saying 'better than ever'. I can't tell you how many times I have overheard my FWH on the phone, telling someone that our marriage is stronger than ever...I think to myself, what is he talking about??

His opinion is that our marriage is stronger because now we are working on it and communicating better than before the A. He is grateful for the second chance to make our marriage the best it can be.

I'm glad that Mimi chimed in because I don't believe that there is such a thing as a marriage WITHOUT problems...It's good to hear that a marriage can survive an A and really truly be BETTER THAN EVER.

I dunno...better than ever...

better than the past 4 years or so..........SPADES better.....chasms better.......galaxies better

- Kimmy

As Eddie Murphy once said - "If you feed a starving man crackers they will be the best darn crackers that he has ever tasted". A marriage where both spouses are once again contributing to it will feel better than it did when only one spouse was contributing to it. Does that really make it a marriage that is better than ever? Not in my opinion, but I never felt that my marriage was that horrible to begin with..............

Believer makes a GREAT POINT...

We strongly follow the MB Principles daily...

Also we are two plus years into Recovery...

H4F...I'll bite.

Days after our wedding I remember being in a state of bliss knowing that it was just her and I... true happiness that had no measurement or after-thoughts. I can no longer say the same thing or feel the same way just as I cannot say that a vase that was broken and glued back together is better than ever .


The vase is NEW.

Those first moments of maritial bliss aren't really what we should judge our marriage by. Honestly, we all probly knew it was going to go a little downhill after the honeymoon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> The marriage you had prior led you guys to the sich you have now....Don't try and recover that one, make a new one.


I'm one of the ones that will say "better than ever." It's been three years since we got back together after our separation. Yes, there have been problems but the majority of them predate our A's and are probably present in other's marriages.

We never addressed issues or problems so they just festered and grew into distance and complacency. We are actually working at it now and it's a little harder than coasting.

I didn't want to have the marriage we had before our A's or the even the marriage we had a year after we were married. We didn't know what we were doing and really never bothered to try and make it better. I think allot of people fall into this category.

God Bless,

Doug

EXACTLY...My new marriage is NOTHING like my first one (to the same woman by the way). The way we feel and act with each other is like we were when we first met. We appreciate each other....

Yes, recovery is brutal and LONG....and for me...something that is in perpetuity....we're recovering but focusing on different things, not just recovery....

So ABSOLUTELY, it IS better than ever....

There have been times that were better than ever, compared to what our M was like prior to d-day.

If we can both keep working at it, I have reason to believe that our M as a whole, will be better than ever.

That does not mean that the A was good - but I think God had a way to bring good out of a situation that resulted from selfish and sinful decisions made by both me and FWW.

It should have been possible for my M to be this great without the A. Maybe I needed the wakeup call.

We are only 10 months into R so not long enough I guess. This is the single most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. With a traumatic child hood, rape, abuse, etc. This A mess has been the worst. This emotional rollercoaster has my head spinning most of the time. Would not say "better than ever".
I thought our M prior to the A was good most of the times, and great the other times. But I am the BS so it is onesided. I do know however that I am forever a changed person because of this.
JE