My WS and I have been in plan A for 2 months now. I noticed she had been accessing a Hotmail account in her web browser, so I installed a keystroke logger app. This morning I discovered her e-mail address and password and found 41 e-mails between her and OM, spanning the length of the A. He has been e-mailing her since we started NC, she did too initially, but I can't tell if she has been e-mailing back lately. She has however, been checking the account. Last night I asked her if he has been trying to contact her, and she said NO to my face.

Should I send her an e-mail to this account telling her that she needs to be honest and delete it? Should I call the OM to tell him to respect her decision? I am totally devastated at this point...

If you click on the start button and hit search you will likely be able to find temporary internet files which indicate this other address and maybe even find copies of emails sent and received. It will show enough that you could act like that is how you got your information so you don't have to disclose that you place a keylogger on the computer.

The affair is not over, so try not to give up your source of information, yet.

Have you exposed this affair....now would be the perfect time to do it...before you confront her on the continued contact. Is OM married...his wife MUST be exposed to first, then his parents, her parents, etc. Exposure is your best weapon to bust up this affair. Do not delay.

Mr. Wondering

Don't do ANYTHING. Just watch and wait. Now you know that there is still contact, and while there is contact, there is no hope for recovery.

I would watch what happens, and save copies to show the OM's wife when you finally get around to exposing the affair.

where do you get this keystroke loger and how do you keep ws from finding out about it? what other "surveillance" tools are available?

Keylogger....go on the internet and search for trial versions of keylogger programs as many will give you 30 day trials. Often you must disable the anti-spyware programs or you will get caught.

Other sources: I believe the easiest and best source of information can be obtained by getting one or two voice activated digital voice recorders and hiding it where the Wayward spouse carry's out there conversations in the house and/or in their car up under the passenger or drivers seat. Even if they don't talk to OP, you'll get to hear conversations with their friends in the know. Don't get caught as the car recorder may not be legal in your state. Never admit the recorder is yours...if they report you, you just act like WS is trying to set you up.

Mr. Wondering

also..pay in cash...that way the ws does not know WHO purchased the voice recorders....nor will the law.

what I'd do:

I would within one hour of each deed do the following...
1)place note and call to om's wife..have email copies in envelope on her front door
2)have same emails on the fridge..hanging by a magnet when ww walks in.

and I'd wait until I have IRREFUTABLE proof the affair is on.

no warnings...nothing...have it drop outta the sky just like hiroshima. atom bomb my friend...atom bomb.

no spin for deflection..nothing.

keep them unaware and TOTALLY UNPREPARED so that exposure has GREATEST EFFECT ON BREAKING UP AND DIFFUSING THE AFFAIR.

First think you should do is login to that account when she is not around and forward all the emails to your own private email account. Clear out the evidence of this action from her email account if it tracks sent email.

You don't need to check the email account to know if she has been emailing him, because you already installed a keylogger. Just look through the keylogger history to see if you find the log of an email she wrote to him. If not, wait a while until you see what she is writing him.

Find out who the OM is, and if he is married, where he works, etc.

She won't give a damn. If she's into the A like it seems she is, your words will only annoy her. She'll find another way to hide her affair from you and you'll be left wondering again.

What decision? You might have been under the impression that her decision was to not contact him, but she lied to you. No one is forcing her to look at that email account, she is choosing to allow contact to continue. He is not the problem, your wife is.

Gather your evidence. Are you monitoring the telephone? Consider going to Radio Shack and getting a voice activated recorder hooked up to the phone line, it's very easy to setup and it'll record all phone calls from home.

Plan A is for you, it's not something she participates in. Read up on it again and hold on.

Have you exposed at all to this point? Does family, friends, coworkers know about her affair? Once you have gathered some proof of continued contact you'll want to get a plan for exposure if you haven't already done so.

Good luck.