This is not really what I wanted, but I have to come to the realization he does not want me or our marriage, our family and I think I need to work on me and as hard as it will be move on.

He came to me a couple weeks ago and wanted to work on it, but would not quit talking to her until it was working with me, wanted to move back in and all.

Well I got our bank statement and found out he sent her flowers on Valentine's Day - that hurt so much - I got nothing.

I think he did not get the reaction he wanted from her so he came to me???? I am so tired of being second and that is all I am right now. I deserve better and so do my children.

I really do not want this, but I cannot fix it anymore and I need so much more than he can give. So as hard as it is I think I really need to walk away. Maybe someday he will realize what walked out his door...maybe not.

I just need to find it in me I think to stop the hurt and hopefully one day the happiness I derserve will find me.

And the reason you have not gone to Plan B is............??

So dean - how long have you been married and how long have you known of the affair?

Also, how many dog eared pages are there in your copy of SAA?

I have been married for 15 years and two children. My husband has had a ongoing relationship with another woman for the past year and a half. He moved out about a year ago and has been involved with her on and off every since. He has said he wants to work things out and then I find out he has sent her flowers or something. Just tired of the hurt.

If he really cared about me he would give her up, but he won't. I think he comes back when she does not want him. I mean he sent her flowers for Valentine's Day. My husband keeps telling me she is just a friend. Flowers on Valentine's Day - just a friend. Does he really think I am that stupid?

My plan B unfortunately will probably be a divorce we are almost there.

Maybe he will realize what he is missing when it is gone. I do not know, just hurt all over again.

((((( deannek )))))

I'm so sorry it's come to this.

I'm sure he's going to regret this very much.

It's very sad that some people don't realize what they have until they've thrown it away.

Take your children and get yourself to a safe place where your family can help out.

Try to keep a little ember of love for your H alive. I suspect that once he wakes up and actually realizes what he's done he may try to come back.

How much longer until the Judges final decree?

Let us know how you're doing.

Good Luck and God Speed.

Deannek-

I'm so sorry--you are right. You and your children DO deserve so much more. Take care of yourself and your kids first and foremost. Take the measures you need to to make sure you are financially secure. There is strength in knowing that you can make it on your own.

But before you get there, have you tried a Plan B letter? Have you exposed to the OW's family/spouse, etc? Just make sure your bases are covered. If for no other reason, you deserve peace of mind from knowing that you did everything you could for your family.

God Bless.
-CSJ

He is probably going back and forth because he needs you. I would do a Plan B.

I wrote a Plan B letter tonight and I am planning on giving it to him.

Everyone knows about "his friend" and his parents are just staying out of it - no help there at all. I seem to be the reason why he needed someonelse and they are just going along with it so they do not upset their son.


When he came back and said he wanted to work on things I honestly believed him...until...I found out about the flowers..yet again...this is not the first time I heard this. He wanted to move back in the house and make everything work. I said no that I needed time and counseling to know that he was sincere and her out. He would not get her out until we were working, so I said no then. Of course it is my fault that we are not working on our marriage.

I just feel like the 2nd choice and she would not have him...so I guess I will go back to my family. I just never felt like he was sincere and that I was he was truly missing. Obviously I was not he just cannot maybe have what he wants so I will do.

I guess I am going to go through with the D and start my own life...without him...I really do not know what else to do. It breaks my heart, but I do deserve someone who truly loves me and so do the children. I am just waiting on a settlement letter and finishing up stuff and we will be done. It just hurts so much.

I have been living this for a year and a half and he just keeps wandering.

I mean I am sorry, but how can you send flowers to a person one day and five days later tell your spouse you miss her and you miss your family and all. I just cannot think he is telling me the truth.

Sorry today ia a really hard day. I am hoping one day soon is much brighter.

Hope you will post your Plan B letter here.

The way your husband is behaving is very normal. Lots and lots of WS's are the same way. I did it for 3 years, and got tired of it. But very often a Plan B letter will bring them home.

Sounds like someone that wants the cake, and eats it too. This society, I wish was educated how easy it is for someone to emotionally rob the one you love. Such a terrible thing, it's funny how this is all so accepted and nobody is surprised by anything anymore. I guess I was living in my own fantasy world. So, to you, I say divorce! If he see's what he has after the fact, so be it! He had the affair, he pushed it to the end! Carry on!