WH and I need to live separately - I feel we both are not living to our fullist ability. He goes his way, I go mine. Yet, neither of us have moved out - we both have our reasons. My attorney is telling me NOT to file for D, just find a house and move out, continue to work at our business and basically let the chips fall IF they fall. I believe his attorney is saying let her go, just do what you want. It's cheaper and easier on our business if we don't file and just separate. WH was ranting for me to find a house and get out - but, I think he found out if I leave he'll have to pay spousal support - something he CAN afford, but won't be happy to pay.

So, I told WH we need to stop yelling, fighting, and start to look at our lives in an adult way. We need to look at our options and to do what's best for both us financially.

I need the following:

Additional funds to buy/build a home comparable to our home (ours is paid off and I have about 75% of what I need to buy/build and pay cash)I would prefer NOT to have to have a mortgage.
Retain my position/salary/car/insurance/expenses at our company.
Some of our household goods/furniture

This list may sound greedy to some - but, this is the lifestyle that I am accustomed to and he is accustomed to the same lifestyle. Hey, he can keep our beautiful new, completely finished home, his 4 cars, his $$$$ three times as big paycheck, and his many MOW. We need to do something soon and divorce isn't a good route for either of us.

HELP me make a list that is fair to both of us..

HUGS

Like in any negotiation ... you look at your bottom line and your best scenario w/o regard on what he would/would not agree on. Start negotiating from your best scenario, not you bottom line list above. I would consult with Dv lawyer to figure out what the law would say if both of you Dv'ed. Do your research. Find a mediator to mediate this process.

Dv is not a good route for anyone if you could work it out. Why not spend $ to go to Harley's weekend seminar ?. Does he realize that Dv'ed is not a good route either ?

-rh-

RH is right, start at your best case scenario (but have in the back of your mind the minimum of all assets you'd settle for). Don't start with the bottom line. Doing this type of negotiation will take more than one conversation but can be done if you both act like mature adults. I would also suggest doing this in a neutral place, like a coffee shop or restaurant. This will help keep emotions in check (hopefully).

I can't recall your story - but depending on what state you live in, a separation agreement probably does not HAVE to include "living in a similar lifestyle" (if so, there would be fewer bitter people around here!). Part of that MAY have to do with your H's state of mind (sorry!). It's also quite possible that if you move out you'll be giving up some "rights". Traditionally (but not always) the one who moves out is the one who has to "give" more (emotions, $$, custody, etc.) during a settlement. Have you checked other websites for laws where you live?

Regardless, since you have a business together, I definitely think you want legal, filed paperwork about financial responsibilities during a separation before either of you move out. It would be best if a lawyer did it, but you can draw up your own and have it notarized and (in some cases) filed at the courthouse.