Ok so I will be divorced well four years in September - I was married for 15 years together for like 18 years a little more actually... Now I just cannot seem to date - I don't know how - I don't know where to meet people - How to go about it??? Trust anyone - anything - Does anyone have any advice to go about it??? How - where and when do you date????

How old are you?
Kids?
What are you interested in?
Start out easy with no expectation other than meeting new people.

Lets see I am 41 - two girls - ages 13 and almost 16 - I am not sure what the heck my interests are I am working two jobs and carting kids around - I need to make time.. and I have no expectations really - I just dont' even know where or how to begin.. I mean I am thinking a bar is not a good place and well everyone I know is married....

[color:"green"]MAW,

I found internet dating to be the best for me. Dating is a numbers game and you have to in my opinion sort through a bunch of potentials before you find the one that suits you.

I met my BF on Match after 9 months of screening potentials. The best way I found was to exchange one or two emails after initial contact, then I would ask for his number and block my number while calling him. I didn't have any really bad dates because a couple of e-mails and a couple of phone convo's tends to let you figure out which ones are whacked and which are ok. (OH and don't forget which ones are MARRIED)

V.[/color]

I am on the internet site a little but I find that people email you then you start talking to them a little bit but then they go away - I haven't really had very many hits at all... but not actively using it - I guess....

It is better for your children for you not to date until they are grown.

maw, Do you want to be dating?

Nellie2 - so I should wait until my children are 18 and out of the house before I date...
Letstry - I think that yes I would like to date - I don't think that I am ready for any serious relationship - but some sort of dating and meeting new people is something that I think that I need... I haven't done any real kind of dating or anything because my kids were young when I got divorced - 8 and 11 but now they are 13 and 16 and well they have their own lives I have none - and I know sooner or later it is just gonna be me.... And while I understand what Nellie2 is saying - why is ok for my exhusband to have been dating while we were married and not ok for me to be dating four years later???

[color:"green"]MAW,

The reason I moved from one or two emails, then a couple of phone calls, then a date (usually just for coffee), was because of the disappearing potential act.

I assumed that either they disappeared because I was not appealing or that they disappeared when they found someone else and started seeing someone regularly.

I didn't feel comfortable at first pushing a meeting face to face, but after experiencing the drop-out thing a few times I concluded that it was best to meet quickly with a potential.

I see a problem in your schedule. You may be so busy as to be "unavailable". I have a guy friend who is intensly frustrated by women that are so busy that a face to face meeting takes "too" long to arrange, or that a second date is impossible to schedule.

Maybe your oldest should get a license and drive him/herself sometimes, or find car pools...

V.[/color]

My daughter turns 16 on April 16th and she will get her permit then but she cannot get her license until 6 months after that... And that is probably my problem I am to busy.. which actually bites... but then in lies the problem that when I am available I end up being the 5th, 7th, 3rd wheel which was ok for awhile but now is starting to drag ... but I really if I put myself on line and actively follow it - which sites did you find the most receptive???

[color:"green"]I used match.com. I think e-harmony is more likely to have serious folks, however it is very expensive. I've looked at other sites and they seem more like "meat markets".

Frankly, I believe it might depend on your area. Just check out a few of them and post a profile.

V. [/color]

I have checked out match.com but never actualy posted anything on it....... I will have to seriously check it out ...

I don't agree about the not dating until the kids are grown. My kids will all tell you that their step-dad has been a much better and loving father then their own father. My step-son will tell you I have been a good step-mom who has loved him for the last 4 years as one of my own. We go on family vacations together, we all spend alot of time together as a family. My H has always made it clear to the kids that he loves them but they need to try to keep their relationship with their dad.

Jill

Hi Maw -

I had good luck with Match as well. A friend of mine's sister lives in CT and did well with it too.

I also started just letting my friends know I was interested, although there were no "match-ups" my hairdresser's had a brother she wanted to introduce me too, my aunt had a co-worker she thought I might like, etc.

goodluck

There is no SHOULD factor in dating. It's not that you SHOULD or SHOULDN'T date at this time. Nothing is WRONG if you aren't.

It is true that you have had time to heal emotionally and that you shouldn't date before that. But, there is nothing WRONG with not dating.

Of course it is not ok for your husband to have been dating while you were married. While it is not immoral for you to date now, four years later, I firmly believe it is unwise. It is very difficult to concentrate both on your children and on a developing relationship. From what I have read on this board alone, not to mention in real life, it is very rare for kids to benefit from remarriage of their parents - the results of a recent large survey found that, for instance, children in blended families had more problems in school than children of single parents, even though on average their income was higher.

Nellie2 - just curious - how long have you been divorced and how old are your children???

My H left seven years ago, and I have been divorced for five years. My six kids' ages are 10-25 - four of them are in school/college.

Oh ok - just wondering - now you do not date at all and don't plan to date for another 8 years??? I mean do your kids ever tell you - Mom go out and date?? anything like that??? Don't you get lonely??? Don't you feel like something is missing?? And is your ex in a relationship???

No, I haven't dated at all, and I don't plan to date for at least another 8 years. No, they never tell me to go out and date. The adult ones wouldn't care if I did; the younger ones have said they would not want me to remarry. Why would I get lonely? What is missing is my husband, and my intact family - and that can not be replaced. The last thing I need would be someone else trying to tell me how to raise my kids. It is bad enough that my H does, when he barely knows them anymore, but I certainly would hate having someone with no biological relationship to them interfering. Yes, my H married the OW.