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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions giving up

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giving up #1611981 03/14/06 01:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 39 Clear Spring, MD T terpsfan Member
terpsfan Member T Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 39 Clear Spring, MD	My FWW is not trying to reconnect with me. I think I would have some hope if I she would try to do the things she has read in "SAA". I am about to give up. She said she has been emotionally distanced from me for years. I don't remember her ever telling me this. I thought our relationship was good, above average. I think I am ready to give her the ultimatum, either follow SAA guidelines for recovery, or I can't continue. I think when I tell her she will say she doesn't care. That will have to be the end. I can't continue with the pain. I have difficulty doing my job. I need either closure or hope.

Re: giving up terpsfan #1611982 03/14/06 01:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 476 S sfjaj Member
sfjaj Member S Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 476	I am a FWW. You need to worry most about your individual healing and growth; if she doesn't want to meet you in recovery for your M, you need to outline whatever consequences you believe are necessary. I will say that, in essence, releasing the WS (from my perspective) helps them to question if they truly want to leave the M. If a WS feels suffocated or chased, he/she will flee. I'm sorry you are enduring this pain, but stand firm upon what YOU believe necessary to recover. You will be okay.

Re: giving up terpsfan #1611983 03/14/06 01:32 PM
Joined: Sep 2000 Posts: 10,060 No. Va. W worthatry Member
worthatry Member W Joined: Sep 2000 Posts: 10,060 No. Va.	Maybe they'll get in the tourney next year. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> How long have you been married? How long since your learned of the affair? Quote I need either closure or hope. "Closure" is baloney. Hope is a mindset only you can find - no one can give it to you. Quote I think I am ready to give her the ultimatum, either follow SAA guidelines for recovery, or I can't continue. OK, let's take these one at a time: Ultimatum - to do what? Love me or else? This won't work. Can't continue - always a choice to divorce. Yep, you can do this and start over. You'll never know if it was the right decision. Follow SAA guidelines for recovery - has worked for many, many couples. Which looks like the smartest idea? WAT WAT's Quick Start Guidelines For Betrayed Spouses Affair Exposure 101

Re: giving up terpsfan #1611984 03/14/06 04:18 PM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	Are you in plan A.. is she in withdrawal or is she in contact.. bullying someone in to working on a marriage..will get you straight in to a false recovery... you will be blamed for giving her no choice but to reconcile with you... that doesn't serve the big picture... are you in plan A.. Plan A gives you the freedom to charm and woo her and expect NOTHING.... are you in plan a with a date in mind for plan B show her hope and belief that YOU are worthy... ultimatums get you no where.. ARK Last edited by ark^^; 03/14/06 04:19 PM.

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