Spring is around the corner and a new season is upon us. For a lot of us, former wedding anniversaries will soon be here as well.

With all the changes, I seem to be in a funk. I do enjoy my single life and have gotten use to being alone. I have new friends, workout regularly, and a new life. Even though I have dated in the past couple of months I still seem to still relish some hope that my EX will contact me in some way and offer reconcillation.

Reading some of these threads I guess that’s to be expected. I just wonder if there’s anything I can do to kill the hope of us getting back together. I stopped dating in February because it seemed to hinder rather then help my progress. It made me think of my EX even more!

Perhaps this enduring hope of reconciliation with my EX is just something that is part of the process? I would have thought that ideas of reconciliation would be something that would have ended soon after the divorce. I currently don’t have contact with my EX and even though she wants to be friends I’m afraid that would hinder me.

Even if you are the one who pursues a divorce, it's a horrible blow, and you should give yourself a few months to get over the grief. Even if you don't want to be with the person anymore, you grieve the marriage in its better times. That's natural.

it is a process...mourning takes time. I was married for eight years legally...and dated my xh for two before marriage. so I am getting finally thru much of grieving process now...but still have flashbacks sometimes.

i swear...sometimes I have blocked alot of it out...just too painful...and he did far too much.

timn, you're just behaving naturally. that's how we are wired. you're grieving. give it time.

my xh helped me get along faster by doing the stuuuuupid thing and marrying the ow...who was very pregnant at the time. i carried NO false hopes of reconciliation after I found out she was preggers. i am not a home wrecker, even if the home is the one built on lies and the wife is the one who committed adultery and consciously stole my former H from his family in the first place. just know they will end...affair relationships are finite.

It looks like you're approaching the one year anniversary of your D-day: 5-21-05. Those triggers have a way of sneaking up on us.

I have been divorced from my WS for not quite four years now. We attempted reconciliation for the first year after our divorce. In spite of what he told me over and over...that he wanted to be with me....that she was such a self-centered little B., that they fought all the time.....he is still living with the OW and their child who was conceived during their affair. He was 47 at the time and she was 21.

I still miss my exWS. I was very much in love with him. I want all those feelings to disappear. I couldn't trust him if we were to reconcile. My head knows this, but my heart still hurts. I think part of it for me is that I love being married. I like belonging with someone. Someone to come home to, cuddle in bed with at night, share hugs, kisses, making love. My exWS was also my best friend, my companion. His extended family is very warm and caring. This is unlike my own. So, I lost those relationships, too.

I think that part of the problem is that I got very ill during this time(stress was a very large factor) and have been on medical disability for two years. No job to occupy myself, very tight finances, etc. No energy to start much of a "new" life.

I have felt less and less attachment over time. But, in the past two weeks I have had obsessive thoughts about how enraged I am with my exWS and the OWs behaviors. This is probably the angriest I've ever been about the whole situation! I've had all sorts of fantasies about what I'd say and do to both of them if I ever saw them again. It has been driving me nuts. I try to go with it, fight it, neutralize it.

I finally figured out what some of the triggers might be. My ex's birthday and our wedding anniversary was in April. It was two weeks after our 2nd anniversary that my husband came out of nowhere saying he was moving out. He had rented a house, etc. He claims the OW wasn't involved at that time. I think she was. He asked to move back in with me a month later. We were in counseling so I agreed.

The following year around our third anniversary, it was finally confimed that he was having an affair, and that the OW was 7 months pregnant with his child.

I think the biggest trigger, however, is that his son, my "ex" stepson is getting married in June of this year. I have stayed in casual contact with my two stpchildren. My stp son was extremely upset about his dad's affair. He can hardly stand the OW. But she will be at the wedding since his dad and their son will be participating.

I don't know if I'll get invited or not. If I'm not, I can understand it because the OW might act out if I showed up. If I am, I'm not sure I'm up to handling seeing my ex and the OW together. I've never seen them together as a couple.

That's when I get so angry. I'm still paying a price for my ex's and his OW's choices. I love my step-son and his fiancee. I really want to be there for their special day. But, either way, I'm going to have to deal with a painful situation. It's not fair!!! And I know...whoever said life was fair? I wasn't the one in the wrong, but I still pay a price...4 years later.

I guess I look at the desire for reconciliation as part of who I am as a person. I am a passionate person. I put my all into things that I value. When I love, I love deeply. I can't just turn it on and off. We were together for 8 years. My memories of my life for the past 8 years are tied into him. So, how do I think about my life, and not think about us?

Instead of HOPING for reconciliation with ex...why not HOPE that the next guy u date could be your real soulmate?