The affair is over. The OM has to resign or he will be fired.


Now I'm getting backlash from WS. She is telling me that she is frustraded that I told my family (including my sisters). That it will be impossible for her to go to any family function ever again--- thanks to me telling everyone. Was I wrong to tell my sisters? Will time change WS's attitude twards going to family events? How do I respond to her frustrations twards the exposure I did without doing LB's?

It's like she doesn't see my point of view as a BS? Should I try to get her to see my side of things? or will that happen over time?

thanks!
PD

Me (BS): 30
WS: 29
Married:6 years (12/20/99)
D-day: 01/09/06
DD: 5
DD: 10 months

Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy.



OF COURSE she doesn't!!!

She can't see past the end of her nose!

No different than any other alien abductee.



"I did the best thing I could do to try to keep our family together."

WAT

Oh, by the way, this doesn't mean the affair is over.

WAT

Confuciuous say: NEVER TRY TO REASON WITH AN INSANE PERSON!

Pat her on the little cute head and tell her you are "so sorry she is upset." Give her a kiss and a hug. Don't fight, defend, explain or try to reason. Just sympathize with her pain and don't let her rantings bother you. She will get over it soon.

Good job on exposure!

Fog, fog, triple fog. It'll take a long period of NC before she can come out of it. It sounds like your exposure worked like a charm. No CS ever likes exposure. It interferes with their fun.

I think you're in a position where being as ark would call "still" might work well. Search for her posts on that and the one on being a lighthouse. Your relationship is at a crucial point. Your CW needs a little time to withdraw from OM and be delivered from the clutches of the aliens.

Good job. Stay strong. Watch the LBs.

Smile and be happy. You have just dealt a death blow to the affair. Now your marriage has a chance.

Please consider changing the title of this thread to something like, "exposure---again, just as predicted" to parallel JadedJennifer's similar thread.

WAT

Maybe he was expecting roses, though? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good job...glad to see the school took the appropriate actions necessary to bust up this affair. You will feel so empowered someday that you took that opportunity and got OM fired. You could have sat back and done nothing...courage my friend. As we discussed...you, da man.

Read the "Be Still" thread...not much you can do right now other than take the anger, tend to agree, and inspect what you expect by snooping and/or getting WW to be an open book.

I'm sure your family will be completely accepting of her once she becomes a truly repentent recommited wife. Your family just wants you to be happy and if you are they should be fine with her.

Mr. Wondering

Can someone help me find the "Be still thread"? I'm retarded...


ohh btw.. WS said she loved me last night... First time in 6 weeks.. Is this a good sign or should I not make anything out of it?

As an FWW, I can understand your W's discomfort with your exposure to your family. Fortunately, my H did not see the need to do so as I ended the A and committed to recovery fairly quickly. I can't imagine what would have happened if he exposed to them. They're very pro-gun (bumper stickers on the truck and everything) who take pride in the fact that they carry concealed weapons and I wouldn't put it past them to use them if the urge struck.

To ensure that your family will accept her, and as a peace gesture to your wife, you might consider speaking to your family members, explaining to them that you and your wife have committed to rebuilding, and that you would appreciate their support in your efforts. To have your family members act vindictive and hold this over your W's head will NOT aid in rebuilding (no matter what certain BSs here might think).

Just my VHO.

***ohh btw.. WS said she loved me last night... First time in 6 weeks.. Is this a good sign or should I not make anything out of it?***

I'd say it's a very good sign. Women do not love men they do not respect. You stood up and fought for her and believe me, this made an impression.

This is another reason why exposure is so effective. It not only lets everyone know so the affairees can no longer have their fantasy in secret, it also shows the WS that the BS is willing to fight back in order to keep the marriage. This can make a big impression on some WS, especially if they thought the BS just didn't care anymore.

***To have your family members act vindictive and hold this over your W's head will NOT aid in rebuilding (no matter what certain BSs here might think).***

No one here has ever believed such a thing. I'm sorry you got that idea. But keeping an affair a secret does nothing but enable it, and nobody can save a marriage by hiding and enabling an affair.

Disapproval from friends and family is a Natural Consequence of cheating in a marriage. The disapproval is caused by the cheating. It is not caused by a BS *exposing* the cheating.

If there was nothing to expose, there would be no disapproval, now, would there?

It really does amaze me that some WS think exposure isn't fair because it makes the BS "unattractive" to the WS. Excuse me? Just how "attractive" do you think screwing an OP is??? And the BS is STILL trying to save your relationship!

Expecting the BS to cover up the affair so the WS and the OP can feel good about themselves is NOT the answer. I'm sorry you think it is. When people get caught doing something dead wrong, it's painful and embarrassing for them. Getting caught cheating in a marriage is painful and embarrassing. So - tell me again how this is the fault of the BS, and not the fault of the WS and the OP who *chose* to have an affair?

Exposure is not vindictive. It's about fighting for and protecting the marriage, not protecting the affair. What else would you expect from a site called "MarriageBuilders?"
Mulan

Like Mulan stated, women don't love men they don't respect and I bet she respects you for standing up for your marriage. You did great!

Secondly, when the affair is finally ended and y'all do get into the recovery phase, it would be helpful if she would apologize to your family, too. Our family members are also effected by the affair so this would be a good first step in restoring her relationship with your family. Don't ask the family to hide their feelings or try to help her avoid the consequences, but explain to them that you are working on repairing the damage in your marriage and would appreciate it if they would also forgive her.

So, hang in there, pd, the work has just begun!