Hey all,

How is everyone doing? Good, I hope. Hope everyone got some sleep. I slept ok, but was up for about 2 hours in the middle of the night.

H picked up DS from pre-school yesterday afternoon and hung out here for awhile after that. We talked for about an hour or so. He wanted to, so we did. We talked about his fears, our fears, my fears and all sorts of stuff. He wants to continue our convo on Thursday, while DS is in school so we can talk without him around.

I guess the old saying fits well here "it ain't over til the fat lady sings?" I suppose it's a positive thing that he wants to keep talking, right?

Talk to you all later.

Good morning Thankful. Glad to see you are having a better day today (you sound better anyway). I didn't sleep well at all.

It is positive that he wants to keep talking. BUT, don't let his "talk" make you weak. I have finally gotten to the point where I don't want to have those "talks" with my H anymore because I realized that that's all it was...just talk. He hasn't put any actions behind his talk. So it has become meaningless to me. Don't let your H do that to you. Is he making any effort to put actions behind his words?

The plan that you are in...is this plan A? I have read about the plans, but what is the time frame on these plans? Is one just supposed to set their own time frame or is there a guideline to follow? Just curious.

I don't want to sound negative in any way Thankful. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore. I feel like I need to protect you, and Tired and anyone else here on MB that has helped me. I don't know why that is. I know it's silly.

Well, as far as action behind his words, that is to be seen. I know that over the course of the past month his tune has changed quite a bit. Previously, he had NO doubt in his mind that D was the only way. Now he isn't so sure that is the "answer". He is making more of an effort w/DS and he is being alot more open and honest with me about everything. He seems to be opening up to me little by little - he is very afraid of what happened in our marriage, happening again. I know you all think that I am wrong in taking so much of blame, but it is true. I did alot of things wrong, didn't listen to him, was very (unintentionally) selfish and it was always "my way or the highway" pretty much, I always told him (verbatim) "if he didn't like the way I was, then go and find someone else", he ALWAYS gave in to me, ALWAYS tried to make me happy but my actions left alot to be desired. I was (and still am) always on edge, very impatient and seemed very unhappy alot of the time - even though he gave me the world.

I don't know what point I am trying to make or where I am going with all of this, I guess that I understand where his hurt comes from and why he is so afraid of it going back to the way it was.

Sorry I vented so much. I have to run for now, but will be back this afternoon.

Thanks for caring so much Soon. I hope you have as good of a day as possible.

PS: And as far as what "plan" I am in...I don't even know. It's a "take it one day at a time" plan, I guess-lol!

((HUGS))

Good morning ladies. I didn't sleep well either. Must have been something in the air last night.

Thankful, I think it's good to have these talks if, like Soon says, some good is accomplished. Talking about each others fears is a good start. Keep talking with him, but stay tough, and maintain your boundaries as to what you will accept or not. I'm glad you are feeling better today.

Soon, why couldn't we sleep last night? I kept remembering this old quote I read somewhere that said "The greatest pain in ******, is the loss of Heaven", and I couldn't get that out of my mind. I'm going crazy I suppose.

I don't think there is a time frame per se, on the plans. You do Plan A until you can no longer do it without losing your love, then go to plan B. Everyone will be different.

Soon, I, for one, feel warmed by your need to protect us. I feel the same way about you guys. We are good people, we believe in love, and we will make it.

My quote got bleeped. Here it is again. "The greatest pain in Hel!, is the loss of Heaven".

Not sure today will be better, just more of the same.

I think my STBXH has reached the beginning of his end. A friend stopped by last night to see how I was doing and casually mentioned the STBXH had wrecked his truck this past weekend. It seems while working, he accidently let his foot slip off the brake onto the accelerator and ran into an iron gate. Friend is loaning him a truck while it is being fixed.

This is exactly the same story STBXH told me 12 years ago when he wrecked my truck. Almost verbatim. Only difference was he later confessed to me that he was using drugs and that was the real cause of the accident. I am sick to my stomach when I think of the potential for damage to himself and others he is currently flirting with. I am so sad that all his years of fighting these same demons seem to have been abandoned. I feel so sorry for the friends that care about him and are soon to be as hurt and disappointed by him. I don't know how much more of this sadness I can stand to carry around with me. If there is no safety net now, it is only a matter of time until he reaches his rock bottom and I do not believe he has the will to climb out. I am grateful that I have been able to detach from this situation to the degree I have, but know that I will never be able to go back to who I was.

There must have been something in the air last night. I just couldn't sleep well at all. I had trouble getting to sleep and then once I finally did I kept waking up every hour.

It's so pretty outside here today. I wish I could be at home working in the yard. I do get to get off early today to take youngin to the dr., but that's no fun.

Tired, is your day going OK? I sure hope so. Received any mroe gifts lately?

Thankful, I hope that you and your H are making progress. That is good that you guys want to talk about your fears. I hope your H can see that you have changed and are willing to do what it takes to make it work. And I hope he puts actions behind his words.

Blue, does he get violent when he's using? Be careful for yourself and children.

Hey Soon, no more gifts. STBX surely knows by now and has shown nothing. I've got to face the fact that this is over. I'm getting there. I'm still mad that she told me all along that we were doing fine, and then just left without even trying to get help or fix the problems. I hurt because I gave her my best and she threw it away, like trash. I'm scared that I will never find another that I love like her. I thought that she walked on water. I feel stupid now, for believing in her and loving her that deeply. And the thing that bothers me the most is that I still love her. Is it love or something else that allows someone who is treated like sh** to keep caring?

Sorry about the rant, just in a pissy mood right now.

Don't apologize Tired, piss away! That's what we're here for! I think that you are doing a fine job facing all this crap. And things will get better for us someday, they have to. I don't think the Lord intends for us to be in misery for the rest of our lives.

My H did the same to me. I mean, because of my A we had our problems. He told me he would never put me throught that much pain like I did him. And then I started checking his voice mail...all those sweet little messages from OW that I heard. I knew he was meeting her in the evening during work. But I let it happen. I was in denial. All along he was telling me that we were ok, that we were going to make our marriage work. I had no idea he had filed for D. His whole family knew before me. Then one day, after I had gotten throught mowing the yard, I was four and a half months pregnant with our second child, a police officer knocks on the door. When I looked through the window to see who it was it scared me. I thought something had happened to him. But he was serving me with papers. I had no idea. He told me we were going to make it. He lied to me for months, planning the D with his family.

OK, now I'm whining. I'm sorry. It's just the fact that I told him several months back that if he wanted a D i'd give him one. He said no. And then he went and done it behind my back.

As you told me, piss away. Why do these people lie? I've always thought that there is nothing wrong with becoming unhappy, but there is in lying about it, and not trying to fix it. We didn't make them unhappy and we can't make them happy. We da** sure could have helped them though if only they would have told the truth.

After my wife moved out, a couple called me and said that they were worried about me and wanted to talk. I went and talked with them, telling them I wanted to work it out with my STBX. They claimed to be my friends. They said they understood and just give it some time. Today, I found out that they were trying to fix up my STBX with someone. Another knife in the back. I tell you, there's not much left back there to stab.

Hello everyone. To tired: my husband treated me like crap and manipulated me into thinking that everything wrong w/ our marriage was my fault-it was my fault he cheated- it was my fault he has a criminal record now b/c he hit me, its my fault. And yet I still love him and want him back very much. I feel like the guilty party and have been the one begging him to give our marriage a 2nd chance. I wish I could just be so mad at him that I could convince myself that I'm better off w/o him. ofcourse that is not how things always feel. You don't sit at home and cry thinking about all the bad times, you think about every good moment yall shared and for me anyways, that is enough to gnaw at me thinking what if I could've did this or that? But you can't change the past-you can only learn from it and hope God has something great planned for your life ahead.

Hi Beaux. They will always try to say it is someone else's fault. Mine did the same thing. If only you had done this or not done that. I agree, that we sit home thinking about the good times, and they tend to think of the bad. I guess it eases the guilt to think of the bad stuff.

In my mind, I can acknowledge that I am better off without someone like my STBX. My heart sometimes gives way to the memories and good things that we did (There were many good times and very few bad). When something triggers it, I get so sad because I though we would last forever.

Beaux, don't feel bad about loving him. I think people like us have a gift in being able to love so deeply. The trick is to find someone who can reciprocate that love. God surely has a plan for all of us, because we are the ones carrying on through the pain and still trying to do what's right.

Amen.

I don't know why he lied to me. I would have given him a D a long time ago. I don't know why he felt the need to hide it. Pretend we were ok. I will always remember that day, looking out the door. i was thinking my H was dead and he was here to tell me. When he told me what he was there for I first was very confused, thought he had made a mistake...he even asked..."did you not know?" like I was crazy. Hel! no I didn't know. The fact that he waited till I was so far along in the pregnancy, he did that to not only me, but our unborn child. I spent that night in the hospital, he doesn't even know that. He was with OW and brother out partying.

I do tend to think of the good times, and we had many. But when I think of those times like above I get so mad and sick to my stomach.

Time to go for now. I have to go take baby to the dr. I hope everyone has a great evening. Let's continue to pray for one another and lean on eachother as we go. We have a long road ahead of us.

Soon, where I'm from there's a saying that goes "That man needs an a$$ whoopin", and I think that applies here. Any man that would cheat on his W while she was pregnant needs it really bad. And to make you mow the lawn? I'm having bad thoughts now.

I'm so sad about what happened to you. Like you said earlier, we are all like family now. We will continue to pray, lean on, cry to, and support each other. I can't wait until the day when we can post happy things in our lives. That day is coming?

OK, I said I was leaving. But I had to ask a question that I forgot to ask yesterday...I think. Do ya'll think I should try to get H to fill out the EN questionaire? Or would it be a waste of time? I know I know, it's really up to me but I have a hard time sometimes making a decision on my own now without getting advice first.

I don't know if it would do any good. But it wouldn't hurt anything either.

Talk to you guys tomorrow!

I would definately get him to fill it out if he will. I don't see anything but good coming from that. It shows him that you are wanting to actually do something to help, and it allows you more insight into him and his needs. You should fill one out too.

I hope your baby is doing ok and the doctor's visit goes good.

Talk to you tomorrow Soon. Have a great evening.