Hi folks,

Well, my plan to "do nothing" seems to have worked well, perhaps to well.

I recently started dating a lady whom I had meet a few weeks ago. We met at a get-together at a friend's home. We shared a lot of common interests such as gardening. Well, about 10 days ago, she called me (!!) and asked if I would be interested in accompaning her to the local garden show. I did, and we had a good time together. Since she drove and had purchased the tickets, I offered to pay for dinner afterwards.

As you might expect, that ended up being our first date.

We have seen each other several more times and get along well. The problem is this. I want to get to know her better, and we both agree that is important. I have had my share of dissapointments and I don't need another broken heart.

She is gently and firmly pushing to be intimate. Soon. I would like to wait and have told her that. She agrees, but, when we are together, she can't seem to control herself (am I nuts for complaining about this???) She says I am one of the few guys who sees her as a whole person, she is very comfortable with me, and that has allowed normal inhibitions to melt away.

I like her a lot. I can restrain myself, but I am not sure I can do it alone. What do I do??

[color:"green"]Buy a chastity belt? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Avoid being totally alone with her if you don't trust yourself.

If you've explained that you want to wait and she is not respecting your boundary, maybe you should work on solutions like not being alone together to enforce the boundary.

V. [/color]

Well whaddya know---here I was thinking MOST men would jump at the chance to get gals in the sack and if they don't they just aren't that into you. Man, stereotype much? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

This is so refreshing Justin! Ok, onto the issue at hand....

What's her past dating history? As in, is she relatively fresh off a break-up? I ask b/c (I could be stereotyping again)when most women push for intimacy fairly early on is b/c there is some sort of unresolved hurt or need and she maybe looking to get that need filled quickly, er, no pun intended <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

What was her response when you told her you wanted to take things slow?

DW

I guess what is interesting about this situation is that it seems to be an extension of my "do nothing" policy. Or at least do very little! Outside of holding her hand while we walked and a few very nice kisses goodnight, I have not aggressively pursued any other physical contact. I show her affection, but I also treat her as though we were teeneagers and our parents might appear anytime!

I really don't expect much from this discussion. I KNOW what I have to do and I will do that, or not do it as the case may be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe I should write a book called "How to seduce a woman by doing nothing". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

[color:"green"] JE,

I'm curious what your meyer's briggs profile is... And your IQ.

I knew two ISFJs that had a similar way of "picking up" women. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

V. [/color]

I am an ISFJ. I don't know what my IQ is but I am probably in the upper 10% of the population, but certainly not in the upper 2 or 3%.

Well, she ended up seducing me. So you see, it's her fault not mine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hmm, So you let her run over your boundaries of getting to know each other better.

Many women I know who push like she is so early on, are really testing the man's boundaries, testing his ability to stick to his own NO to test his self control! "No, This is not how I want our relationship to be, I want it to be different!"

It's also about testing his respect for her and himself, if he continues to show respect for his own boundaries, she will learn to really trust that he will also respect HER boundaries in other areas.

Yeah, it may be wrong, but is it really her responsiblity to make sure YOU stick to your own NO?? Where is your own responsibility in that equation?

Thorned, I appreciate your comments, but I don't think you picked up that I was using a bit of humor. It goes a long way.

Now hold on just a minute Justin. Is this an update or a tease?

Surely you can provide more details without disclosing information better left unsaid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

To make a long story short, we were sitting on the couch talking and snuggled against each other. I was marveling at how much we had in common, how many values and interests we shared. I was struck by how soft she was, how smooth and melodic her voice was, how right she seemed for me. Then she looked at me with eyes that said "you are the one an only man for me" and kissed me.

I'm only human.

That sounds very nice. Why is there discussion of boundry crossing?