When my youngest child went off to college, I started working full time. Around that same time, my husband's job changed requiring foreign travel. He was gone 3 weeks per month. We grew apart. Even when he was home I was alone. My new job was a big boost to my self image and self respect. I was no longer identified as someone's mother or wife.
I became friends with a co-worker and after two years of a very close friendship we became lovers. It was the best time of my life. The first time I did anything selfish. The first time I got that kind of attention from a man, both emotional and physical.
However, after almost a year, a 2o something made her move and I was out of the picture but still thrown together at work. That was three years ago and I still mourn the loss of that special friend as if it was yesterday.
I recently discovered that my husband had several girlfriends, long term in three different countries and numerous casual affairs.
You know, the loss of my friend has been more devastating than the loss of my husband.
I decided to attempt the reconcilliation with the husband. We did not formally separate because he still travels. I think that was a mistake.
What I think has been a bigger mistake is staying at my same employment and seeing this man who still makes me stutter and hear about how happy he is now and how outstanding it is to have sex with a young, moist, well you know the rest of the story.
this man, who made me feel more like a natural woman than I ever had in my life now treats me with utter contempt when he is not ignoring me. Oh he assured me that our friendship was the most important thing, more important than the physical part. And silly me, I believed him. Now he tells me that his girlfriend is jealous of me and he is "[censored] whipped". So I am out.
I am just so sad. and I have been this sad for three years now. My spirit is dead. and that lively, wonderful woman I was a couple years ago is buried. My husband never made me feel like that. I know I had all that energy and fun loving nature in me all the while, but this special friend brought it out of me.
I know it takes time to get over a loss. I'm afraid to confront him and say all things on my mind. I've tried to close my eyes and wish it was my husband of 25 hears that I loved that much, but it's just gone. Just how much time does it take....does anyone ever feel happy again?

WOW.

Start with the infidelity FAQ's in my signature.

Have a look at Dr Harley's basic concepts.

Especially radical honesty.

Get "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

WOW.

I'm sorry for your pain. I know how much this must hurt, but you also must get ready for some brutal honesty if you are posting in this forum.

The OM showed you his true colors. The real him only cared about you while you were the best he could get. Once something better came along, you were yesterday's newspaper. The friendship, the love, everything was a fantasy and a lie. You are not grieving over him, he is worthless and he has proven it. You are grieving over the loss of the fantasy you were living out with him. It was something that could never truly materialize.

You need to find the place where you are lively and happy because of who you are, not because of the feelings someone else inspires in you. You will always be at the mercy of your relationships if you live this way.

What do you want? Do you want to fix your marriage with your husband? Do you want to divorce him and start anew? Tell us and we can help you.

You won't begin to love your husband again until you both reconnect and work together on this. Get the book, His Needs Her Needs and study it together. The fact that your husband is gone so much won't make things easy. An essential part of marriage (according to Harley) is spending time together. Can he change his schedule to be home more often?

Why do you think you are still grieving over the OM after all this time? Perhaps it's time to change jobs, so you never have contact with him again. As long as you are lusting/loving him and what you had, you'll never regain your love for your husband.

You still around Franciej?

Francie..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

sundog has some good questions for you. These are tough questions and they need to be asked and adressed. Sometimes it helps to say these things outloud and put your feelings out on paper, to examine them fully! THis is where this place helps.

I am not a FWW, so I don't have much insight to your situation, but stick around, there are FWW, and they can be of great help to you.....

Best,
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />