Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
Hi Folks, I after a 2 year time....and hiring a lawyer last month etc...as a BS, now have FWW back at home and wanting to finally make a serious attempt at saving our marriage, now feel and have a hard time beleiving in her as she says "I love you".
I never wanted to be done with our marriage...but after 6 or 7 of her false recoveries...coming back and forth etc...
I do trust she isn;t fooling around on me...but just doubt her love? I've read the "be still" post a few times...please let me know what others have felt. Thanks.

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
How do you know she's serious this time? This is the question I ask myself sometimes.

After I finally bailed on her, WW begged and pleaded for me back. I wouldn't even talk to her until she called the OM on the speakerphone and ended it with me listening.

Is your WW willing to do the same? Has she called him or written a NC letter for you to give OM?

I also wrote out a list of my boundaries and had her agree (sign) to follow them, thus giving me the protection and safety I needed.

Love is action, my friend. Not words. You shouldn't believe her yet, if you did, you'd be naive. Let her show you she loves you with her actions from this day forward.

Here's my thread from last week if you are interested. Some similar situations: Sundog's Thread

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
Post deleted by Cherished

Last edited by Cherished; 03/15/06 07:46 PM.
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
I really just need to know if my thoughts are normal? How can I beleive she loves me?

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
I think your wife DOES love you. But I also think she needs some counseling.

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
Tell me more....

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 309
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 309
I stopped listening to his words....and started watching his actions. When he started actually DOING things that showed his love, it helped, a lot!

I had/have hard time with this too. He hung onto his feelings with his HS girlfriend for over 20 years, when he told me it was over on D-day, I still have a hard time believeing it. He hung to her for so long, the EA ignited so quickly, and then he said it was over. I still have a lot of concern, and we still have problems over it, but I think we are on the way to recovery because he is sHOWING me that he loves me.

I hope the best for you.

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
Thanks all...Hey Cherished...I hope you didn't feel insulted by my reply after your post, I'm sorry if you felt I implied it that way....I just sometimes seem to get confused with "too much" or something. Thanks.

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
Post deleted by Cherished

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
I don't know if you should stay off or not? That in it'self is a good question for someone with a bunch more insight than me. Maybe you should start a thread asking that. Later.

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Welderboy:

The key is to focus on yourself. Focus on acting loving towards her and she will begin to reciprocate.


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 204
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 204
My H's affair is with his old hs girlfriend too, the only woman he was ever serious about before me. Unfortunately, she has divorced her H and he is intent on divorcing me so they can be together. We have three daughters under age 5, she has two kids under 8. He says she is the love of his life and vice versa.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033
Quote
I really just need to know if my thoughts are normal?


Of course, your thoughts are normal!

Recovery is about so much more than the lack of an affair.

It's about re-designing your marriage in a way that makes it virtually impossible for an affair to occur.

What is she willing to do to accomplish this? What are YOU willing to do to accomplish this?

I know whether or not she loves you seems important, but romantic love is a component that can be built. You might ask yourself instead if she is committed enough to work towards that goal and a "better than ever" marriage.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Armenia), 526 guests, and 82 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
ameliamartin, Nicholas Jason, daisyden878, Oren Velasquez, Kerniol
71,999 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members72,000
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0