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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions I need advice from FBS's....

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I need advice from FBS's.... #1613376 03/15/06 06:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530 W Welderboy Member
Welderboy Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530	Hi Folks, I after a 2 year time....and hiring a lawyer last month etc...as a BS, now have FWW back at home and wanting to finally make a serious attempt at saving our marriage, now feel and have a hard time beleiving in her as she says "I love you". I never wanted to be done with our marriage...but after 6 or 7 of her false recoveries...coming back and forth etc... I do trust she isn;t fooling around on me...but just doubt her love? I've read the "be still" post a few times...please let me know what others have felt. Thanks.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Welderboy #1613377 03/15/06 07:01 PM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 428 S sundog Member
sundog Member S Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 428	How do you know she's serious this time? This is the question I ask myself sometimes. After I finally bailed on her, WW begged and pleaded for me back. I wouldn't even talk to her until she called the OM on the speakerphone and ended it with me listening. Is your WW willing to do the same? Has she called him or written a NC letter for you to give OM? I also wrote out a list of my boundaries and had her agree (sign) to follow them, thus giving me the protection and safety I needed. Love is action, my friend. Not words. You shouldn't believe her yet, if you did, you'd be naive. Let her show you she loves you with her actions from this day forward. Here's my thread from last week if you are interested. Some similar situations: Sundog's Thread

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... DELETED sundog #1613378 03/15/06 07:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2002 Posts: 3,474 C Cherished Member
Cherished Member C Joined: Apr 2002 Posts: 3,474	Post deleted by Cherished Last edited by Cherished; 03/15/06 07:46 PM.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Cherished #1613379 03/15/06 09:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530 W Welderboy Member
Welderboy Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530	I really just need to know if my thoughts are normal? How can I beleive she loves me?

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Welderboy #1613380 03/15/06 10:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County B believer Member
believer Member B Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County	I think your wife DOES love you. But I also think she needs some counseling.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... believer #1613381 03/15/06 10:48 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530 W Welderboy Member
Welderboy Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530	Tell me more....

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Welderboy #1613382 03/15/06 11:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 309 S sickofthis1961 Member
sickofthis1961 Member S Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 309	I stopped listening to his words....and started watching his actions. When he started actually DOING things that showed his love, it helped, a lot! I had/have hard time with this too. He hung onto his feelings with his HS girlfriend for over 20 years, when he told me it was over on D-day, I still have a hard time believeing it. He hung to her for so long, the EA ignited so quickly, and then he said it was over. I still have a lot of concern, and we still have problems over it, but I think we are on the way to recovery because he is sHOWING me that he loves me. I hope the best for you.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... sickofthis1961 #1613383 03/16/06 05:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530 W Welderboy Member
Welderboy Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530	Thanks all...Hey Cherished...I hope you didn't feel insulted by my reply after your post, I'm sorry if you felt I implied it that way....I just sometimes seem to get confused with "too much" or something. Thanks.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... DELETED Welderboy #1613384 03/16/06 05:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2002 Posts: 3,474 C Cherished Member
Cherished Member C Joined: Apr 2002 Posts: 3,474	Post deleted by Cherished

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Cherished #1613385 03/16/06 08:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530 W Welderboy Member
Welderboy Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 530	I don't know if you should stay off or not? That in it'self is a good question for someone with a bunch more insight than me. Maybe you should start a thread asking that. Later.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Welderboy #1613386 03/16/06 08:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,310 M mimi_here Member
mimi_here Member M Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,310	Welderboy: The key is to focus on yourself. Focus on acting loving towards her and she will begin to reciprocate. I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... sickofthis1961 #1613387 03/16/06 09:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 204 H hoopsie Member
hoopsie Member H Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 204	My H's affair is with his old hs girlfriend too, the only woman he was ever serious about before me. Unfortunately, she has divorced her H and he is intent on divorcing me so they can be together. We have three daughters under age 5, she has two kids under 8. He says she is the love of his life and vice versa.

Re: I need advice from FBS's.... Welderboy #1613388 03/17/06 10:03 AM
Joined: Dec 2004 Posts: 2,033 F frozen1229 Member
frozen1229 Member F Joined: Dec 2004 Posts: 2,033	Quote I really just need to know if my thoughts are normal? Of course, your thoughts are normal! Recovery is about so much more than the lack of an affair. It's about re-designing your marriage in a way that makes it virtually impossible for an affair to occur. What is she willing to do to accomplish this? What are YOU willing to do to accomplish this? I know whether or not she loves you seems important, but romantic love is a component that can be built. You might ask yourself instead if she is committed enough to work towards that goal and a "better than ever" marriage.

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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions I need advice from FBS's....

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