Is it considered a LB to demand such a thing??
Is it unreasonable??
Thank you.

Well, you shouldn't DEMAND, but you should ask and he will give them over if he is interested in rebuilding trust. If he won't then you will know he probably has something to hide.

Not unreasonable at all, any sane person would offer them up if they had nothing to hide.

I agree. That was one of my first signs that something was not right.

I demanded and was told she was entitled to her privacy. I used a key-logger to find it out and found she had been emailing him for months.

Do not worry about his privacy. If he is innocent, he will forgive you long before you will forgive if he's cheating.

My wife played me for a fool for over a year. He is using your sense of fair play and love for him as a shield for his behavior.

Do it as soon as you can.

We always had eachother paswords.

I found out something was wrong when he changed his password. Twice.

Last time he was just very careful deleting al mails and hiding her from contact list.

I am with the others... only if he has anything to hide.

Not knowing why you want to ask him for the password... maybe you should try the keyloger first.

As soon as you have the password he might just get another e-mail account or something.

Couldn't agree more with the above.

Anyone who doesn't want to give up an e-mail password to their S has something to hide. If they want email privacy that says a lot already.

If you want privacy, go read a book in the bath tub.

As for me, I'm in charge of our internet and emails, the other day made a email account for my FWW, I asked for a password and she wanted to know why I wanted to know, I told her I had a right to know, she knew what I meant by that.
Also she knows that I basically know a computer inside out so that's my advantage and she knows it would be tough to hide anything from me on the computer.

If WS wants email privacy that means they are hiding something or they are planning on hiding something.

Emma,

Get a hardware based keylogger. This link is an example. Just google "hardware keylogger". Unless he is actively looking for this device, he should not see it in the mass of wiring behind any computer. Of course, if it is a laptop, then this will not work.

Just an idea.

C-

I do not agree with the the opinions offered here that a spouse is always entitled to know your passwords or that you do not have the right to expect some semblance of privacy. I get emails from my friends sometimes where they are confiding in me. Their confidence in me does not extend to my husband. I will tell him they are going through a rough time but he has no right to know what the gory details are. I also work for a police agency and receive confidential emails that he has absolutely no business seeing.

I think all this snooping does more damage than good unless there is a very concrete reason for you to believe his conduct is amiss. More than just a hunch would have to exist for me to violate another person's privacy in this way. It's one thing to watch for signs of infidelity, but quite another to go on an all-out offensive trying to catch them. If he's innocent and you're doing all this snooping then you will have become the untrustworthy spouse.

How would you feel if someone turned on a tape recorder every time you received a phone call? Offended? Outraged? Hurt? Violated? Keylogging is essentially the same thing.

Just because you are married does not mean you cease to exist as an individual. I believe we all need a little space within our homes and marriages (besides the bathroom) where we can retreat for some quiet time without fear of someone being intrusive.

So CHTK, u r the W but you are not a BS or WS? Think about your answer because the sitch here is about passwords when a WS who is claiming NOT t/b a WS.

L.

Nobody has the right to the privacy to carry on an affair behind anothers' back. With suspicion, a BS is always justified in snooping on a spouse. It is an OBLIGATION.

If I had violated trust in my marriage I would EXPECT to open up my life to my spouse by providing passwords, etc. I would WANT to prove my trustworthiness and this is exactly how a sincere FWS will conduct himself. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

I am the wife and not a WS (assuming that means wayward spouse?). What does BS mean?

Again, unless she has some other reason to believe he's cheating, simply demanding his passwords "just because" is disrespectful. Adult married people should not have their spouse constantly scrutinizing their every move. If her husband is innocent she will drive him to hide things from her because of her noziness. The quickest way to make someone untrustworthy is to constantly accuse them of it.

If she has other reasons to suspect infidelity, then it's a whole different ballgame.

We have been married 20 years, 3 kids and no infidelity on my part nor do I suspect any on his. We don't have a perfect marriage but we do have a monogomous one.

Oh yeah, I think it's interesting that I'm the only one that noticed that Emmawtrs does not state that her husband is cheating or that she even suspects it. All the responses posted just assumed that he is.

Her question was whether or not it's unreasonable to demand his email passwords. She does not state why she wants to know. That is the position I took when I posted my response. If she's snooping just for snooping's sake, that's bad.

There's a big difference between suspecting and trying to prove infidelity and just be nozy wanting to read his email.

If she reposts and says she suspects infidelity, then yes, she should snoop and catch the sorry SOB. (provided Homeland Security is not at stake!)

CantHurt, an "innocent" person does not hide things from their spouse. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

Secondly did you notice that you are on the INFIDELITY forum? [BIG CLUE!] What is interesting is that you didn't notice that or bother to read her other posts which indicate there is a huge trust problem leading her to believe there is infidelity.

Might help to read her other posts before you comment on her situation.

I must agree with most on this forum that if you have nothing to hide then there is no reason to keep your password secret. I found out three weeks ago after downloading a keylogger that my suspicions about my wife were correct(EA).After months of asking for her password and not getting it I took direct action and as a result of this the EA is over( or so I think!!)Reason goes out of the window when suspicion is aroused. You need to be able to reassure yourself or know the truth. That is your right. Good luck.

I wouldn't demand either. In my opinion and experience with WS it is a bad idea to demand. May turn into arguing and frustration and you still not get what you want.

I don't know your story, but if you suspect an A, I wouldn't even ask. I would put a keylogger on the PC which will provide PWs.

If your WS is in an A and you ask he may suspect that you suspect and try to hide evidence. With whichever choice you make, I've learned that it helps to be calm and if you find evidence decide how you will handle it and if you will confront WS and how.

It is absoloutely NOT unreasonable for you to ask for passwords. As soon as I found out about my WH's A he IMMEDIATELY offered up his pw's for everything, in a huge effort to regain my trust. We have both agreed going forward that I will continue to have his pw's until he gains the respect & trust he deserves to have privacy. I would get the pw's immediately.

CantHurtTheKids,

This discussion has occurred many times here. The general consensus is that privacy is a privilege that is extended to one's spouse...not a right.

Here's a good discussion for you to read:

Privacy in marriage

Low

This was something my husband and I used to argue over. Now I have his password and he has mine and we share the emails but this is how I found out he was starting an EA. He wasn't too careful but to gain back my trust he hasn't changed anything. He is now giving me access to his cell when I ask. If he is refusing to give it to you then more than likely he is hiding something. I would let him know that this would be one step in gaining back your trust. Everyone is entitled to privacy but it must be earned and not used in a way to hurt either partner in the marriage! Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

Read it and still believe that privacy and secrecy are too different things. Privacy to me not hiding, but things I just generally don't talk about unless asked. Secrecy is hiding. There's a difference. I'm not advocating secrecy.