MB seems a lot different than when I first came here...

I experienced this forum as a place where I could come for SUPPORT...

I experienced this forum as a place where I could count on finding folks to encourage me to have HOPE and NOT TO GIVE UP ON MY MARRIAGE OR MYSELF...

The MB FORUM espoused a DIFFERENT MESSAGE than what I HEARD OUT HERE IN THE WORLD...

The message out here was GIVE UP..MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE..DIVORCE IS OK....

I came here to hear something different so that I WOULD NOT GIVE UP..so that I would continue with THE MB PLANS....

I am not saying or never will say that those that end up DIVORCING HAVE FAILED....

However, what is WRONG or CRUEL about encouraging people to FIGHT FOR THEIR MARRIAGES and to NOT GIVE UP HOPE...

Isn't the HARLEY'S latest book on TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE and its VALUES and MERITS...

I am feeling sort of beat up about having this viewpoint and I am feeling like I am more of a minority...

I don't want to move on from the FORUM but I may have too...

Because this has become MORE of a ANGRY, PESSIMISTIC, HOPELESS PLACE...IMO....

I just had to say this....

IS IT ME OR WHAT?

It's not you, mimi.

WAT

Hummmm...

but yet on another thread I read:



Will the REAL GODDESS please stand up?

It's all in the delivery.

JMHO

Mimi,

I do not post much at all but lurk (pretty much) daily. Eav's thread is one I keep up with. You have been so helpful to her and I'm sure she still needs that. You may not know this, but, I value your opinions. Please don't let one (or two, perhaps) posters who "attack" those who need help chase you off of the board. Those type posters obviously do not realize that their approach is not conducive to being helpful. You have a way of getting your point across with respect.

Don't go - too many of us appreciate your help (even if you're not posting directly to us)!

Thank you!

I don't think its you at all. I was talking about the same thing with some other MB members last night. There seems to be a general hostility to even basic Marriage Builders principles.

I am with you, Mimi, while I do believe that every marriage can't be saved, many can. You and I are both examples of that. That doesn't mean that others whose marriages ended in D are not successes; sometimes the definition of success IS divorce.

Exactly, WAT!

It's not you.

I do not post very much because people tend to discredit everything anyone says on this forum.

There are a lot of very helpful people here and you are one of them Mimi. You give me hope for my marriage.

I don't post my life here because I feel there are a lot of people who get bent out of shape if you don't do what they say. Then comes the name calling and arguing...just like kids.

Everyone has an opinion and everyone can give their advice without all the name calling and mud slinging.

I will go back to lurking and reading because I have learned a lot here and hopefully one day I will post what is happening in my life because I could use some advice, but don't need the negativity.

Keep up the good work Mimi and please don't leave because you are one of the few who actually help people.

Mimi
I don't post much either but believe me when I read your advice to other posters you give me hope for my marriage. Please don't leave you have given me strength to keep going and fighting for my marriage!!!!

wotl

OOPS..one of my OLD "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" comments snuck out...

Really, really..a FREUDIAN SLIP..from my OLD SELF..

You see, I'm still LEARNING AND GROWING...

I was VENTING but I still standby everything else that I said in that post...

I'm not going anywhere..

I will continue to VOICE what I BELIEVE IN ...I AM WHAT I AM!!

THE EMANCIPATED GODDESS MIMI..SURVIVES!! (Georgia, are you listening?)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think we are just missing some members whose contributions and writing skills many of us have valued on the forum but have chosen to take a break or leave indefinitely. We all know which ones are missing or posting infrequently. There is more of a somber note without as much of the balance of humor or cleverness that we've had here at time past.

For example, I lack the skill and ability to express myself very well using a clever sense of humor along with great advice like 2Oak used to when I was first here. I also would be floored at how frequently Pep could so precisely cut through all the crap and succinctly express what really needed to be said at a given moment to a poster.

There have always been some that would misunderstand, misread, or be offended by some of the posts that I have found to be right on target, clear, and completely fair or unoffensive.

I was also one who appreciated the encouragement I read here that gave me hope that our marriage could survive and was worth fighting for and rebuilding from the ravages of affairs.

Most people with whom we come in contact in 'real life' and are unfamiliar with MB are quick to tell us to dump the bums...and can't conceive of forgiveness. Many of us found a validation here.

We all have our place here to contribute from our own strengths and experiences. Some may appreciate our contributions or not. I am very frequently surprised that people think others are name calling when they are just stating a truth or their opinion. I just don't usually read things the same way. Maybe it is because I believe I know where the more experienced is coming and understand their intentions better than a newbie.

I was also helped to learn that I could survive if my marriage didn't. That I could still recover...even if alone. But, I am glad that isn't the route my recovery has taken.

mimi1254

I am with you on the idea marriages should be saved.

It seems to me too many are throwing in the towel too soon.

I feel you are an asset to this board and to me personnally.

Please stay.
Hope2

Hi mimi...we need you around here. I think there has been an influx of new members in crisis and not enough seasoned members around to mentor. I think I read somewhere that shortly after the major winter "family" holidays and then Valentines Day a lot WS act up....hence crisis.

I've not been posting too much advice...although it looks like I'm recovering...sadly my M is not.

Hey what ever happen to the GODDESS roll call thread? That thread made me smile even in the midst of tears. Maybe we just need to address the inner goddess more! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />...where is my tiara?? I think I missed placed it.

well trix...

there's alot of finger pointing going on at people that lets see...

cause I barely liked any of the words that were used for lack of better term..(minions was a new one....)

"old timers"....

see those "old timers" are just plain callous and not supportive.....

cause it's only important to support every and any stance...no matter the damage done....to the poster or the marriage....

makes ya not want to post so much...
keep that number low so as not to be accused of such things... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />ARKIE

Yep, I'm here.

I know (as we all do) that the GODDESS sometimes has a short fuse on that flight thing. But..you know very well that you've got a loyal fan club here that respects what you say and even how you say it. And....you know that folks here need you.

I've been thinking about cc's post to me to start some sort of recovery thread for those of us who have "failed" (in the more traditional sense of the word). I suppose that if I do that...there will be folks who will disagree with me.

You know that in many, many cases your words have been the gold standard of MB principles. Some folks may not like what you say, some may not like how you say it, but like it or not, the designation of GODDESS is a lifetime appointment, you can't just decided you want to relinquish your tiara. Think of MB as kind of like an on-line mafia....you're in for life like it or not.

I'm glad we've been here to see...

...THE EMANCIPATION OF MIMI (pun, pun, pun)

Georgia

Mimi -

Let me tell you the impact you have without knowing it...

You recently read a book - "For Women Only..." and shared some excerpts here. I read what you postsd and thought to myself, wow - I wish my wife would read that book. Maybe she would have a better understanding of who I am, what I need, and why I need it. So I ordered the book and told my W that it was coming and perhaps she would find it interesting...

The book came 2 weeks ago and it has sat in the same place (untouched) since it's arrival. I awoke this morning and found the book on W's bedside table! I have to admit, I am excited but worried, because I have no idea what's in that book other than the things you posted.

I've been reading some people's post for years now, and I feel a certain 'trust' in considering their opinions. I just don't post much because I'm a poor typist and often times don't express my true feelings and thoughts via written words...

As a salesman, my communication skills have been sharpened mostly through face to face contact. Thus the few number of posts over 4.5 years.

So, while the forum may change, just remember that some people (like me) read daily and gleen what we feel will be useful in our own lives...

Hope that book makes my beautiful wife of 25 years think...

Thanks for being here Mimi.

Gib

Well, now that's a good thing, Mimi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

((( Mimi )))


I treasure you.



Sincerely,
Carnation

I haven't been here that long, but I agree things have changed.

When I came it seemed that those that were here wanted to learn about MB and the MB principles set up by Dr. Harley.

Now, believing in the principles is not important at all. In fact, it seems that contradicting them is the norm.

Very interesting that those that try to bring the threads back to a support of MB and the principles are considered the bad guy.

It is very sad when we have large groups of people on here who continually support one another's avoidance of MB principles and support their justification of their actions or inactions as the case may be.

What is even more sad is the fact that people who do want to follow the prinicples and are here actively seeking help are passed over in favor of the debates on high traffic threads. Those that would normally be helping them are spending a great deal of time and effort supporting and the MB principles against those that don't believe them.

Why do they do that? So those that are new here will see the truth - not just threads of justification.

For those of you that think that some posters are mean spirited and cruel and are selective with who they bash (ie:WS or FWS) let me say that I have never been a WS, however when I first came here, I thought some of them were extremely mean to me- heck, I was hurting. I wanted someone to pat me on the head and take my side. That was not what I got. Instead, I got quite a few comments that hurt my feelings. I was in the BS fog. However, their 'mean' comments made me get out of my pity party and get my rear in gear on helping my marriage recovery.

Maybe some folks ought to look at the mean comments made toward you. Are they really mean? Or are they designed to motivate you or steer you in the right direction - the marriage building way.

Just my opinion

MF,

You are so right. Thank you for this post. You have captured my sentiments exactly.