Ditto - Thanks

I've been trying to keep my mouth shut on the mean/not mean comment thing, but as usual it looks like I'll run my mouth one more time.

I have absolutely no issue with a properly aimed 2x4. I've employed them many times myself, and undoubtedly will do so many times again.

The only issue I have with anything here are character assessments/judgements that I've seen happen here. It's one thing to tell someone that you feel that they need to take action...that they need to do this or do that. It's another thing entirely to judge their character or to make comments about their character because they're not in agreement with you. Bluntly...it's one thing to tell someone that you feel they should to take action to tell someone that YOU FEEL (or even that SH SAYS) that you should tell the OPS what's going on...that's great. It's another thing...IT'S ENTIRELY WRONG to call someone a moral coward for not doing so.

Telling someone that you feel that what they're saying may be incorrect, or that you completely disagree with them is one thing. Telling them that you feel they're doing something very wrong is one thing. Even trying to let them know that you're frustrated with repeating advice to them when they're not taking it is completely acceptable...telling someone something like this:

...has absolutely no place on a forum designed to help people and marriages heal from infidelity.

I feel that THIS kind of posting (and perhaps even my poor little vent here) is where this site is getting away from what it once was.

You used to be able to come here and seek help, ask questions, and even post your point of view here without fear of attack, ridicule, or otherwise being made to feel like your a horrible person. You would have been told that 'what you did' was wrong...but that didn't mean you were an evil person. NOT the message I see on this board today.

/rant off

OK owl..\

what is it exactly you want to occur from your post...

10
100
1000 people to post story after story of people that were mean to them...???

what do you want to gain from your post..

10
100
1000 people to post that this board is ALL about calling people evil...

what is it you want to gain from your post....

I'll bet your quote came knee deep in some multi responded to post in which that was not the first cut taken or given...

so what is it you want to gain from your post..
if you truly believe that this board is ALL about calling people evil which is how you sumarize your beliefs...

I can not and do not agree with that opinion...
and it is the exact type of comment that has me ready to quit posting at all...why not..it's all seen as being mean and whatever else....no matter what is said...

and let me say that
if you do believe this board is that BAD....
then change the tone of that with your posts of compassion and kindness...

thats really all you or anyone else can do. is it not?...

ARK

Owl - well said.

I detect a certain edginess and quick draw reaction whenever someone strays from the 4.0 MB straight and "normal".

Let me say right now that I do not advocate MB fundamentalism. I believe there's a lot of gray between the black and white. These are principles, not dogma.

I'd rather take the hand of a new poster and allow them to take their time absorbing all this new stuff. Will they be perfect? No. Will they make mistakes? You bet. Will they give questionable advice? Absolutely - just like I do! This doesn't mean 2X4s don't have their usefulness. I just think the board as a whole has gotten impatient.

JMHO

WAT

From Penalty Kill

Mimi, I find you to be inspirational. I think that you have helped many posters, eav among them. I always look forward to reading what you have to say.

Now, goddess, that makes me think of Roseann Barr and her domestic goddess shtick, and I don't picture you that way!

Owl, since it is MY POST which you have quoted, I wanted to point out how very selective and phony your outrage is. In the quote you cherry picked above, I was responding to a hateful judgement made about MY OWN level of compassion, but you conveniently ignored that and posted my response. [which was to point out how really UNcompassionate the accuser was by her actions and therefore quite hypocritical] Owl, if you are going to be OUTRAGED at "judgements" don't expect folks to take you seriously if you cherry pick your outrage.

Further, there is nothing wrong with telling someone they are a moral coward. There is something very wrong with being a moral coward. It is warped set of standards to imagine that it is somehow worse to BE BAD than it is to SAY something is bad. That is warped, Owl, and is not rational.

Further, Owl, as I have told you before, you are not the forum behavior cop and cannot dictate your personal standards of behavior. Folks are not obliged to live up to your personal standards and it is arrogant to believe they are. If you have an issue, take it to the mods.

p.s. and Owl, I am sad that you chose to bring that over here in order to pick a fight on this thread! Shame on you! Hasn't the forum had enough for one day?

MelodyLane,
YES there is something very wrong with calling someone a moral coward. You stated in a previous post to me that this is stating the TRUTH. Well, that TRUTH (you think you are imparting) is YOUR OPINION. Your opinion does not equal TRUTH.

There are many names I could choose for you for not deleting my name off of that thread, but I choose not to insult you with names. I kindly asked you to remove my name, but you did not.

These are the things that are wrong. These are the low blows that make posters angry.

If only one could practice what they preach.

But that is just YOUR OPINION and not the TRUTH. I think common sense dictates that BEING a moral coward is bad, saying one is a moral coward IS NOT. I would assert that is quite warped. That would be like believing that saying someone is a MURDERER is bad, but its ok to BE a murderer. Doesn't make too much sense, does it now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

There is a huge difference between a disagreement over ISSUES and telling someone HOW TO BEHAVE. Somehow you don't seem to grasp that.

NO MelodyLane, you certainly don't make much sense to me. You feel you have full entitlement to go around telling people they are moral cowards because you believe it's OK to do so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

End of discussion with me.

Yes, I do believe everyone is entitled to say the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OK MelodyLane...whatever... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ML-

I feel no shame for bringing this up here...it's exactly what this thread was in reference too. How this forum has gone from being a place where people come for help and assistance to a place where people are directly attacked and verbally abused at will.

It's fine if you believe someone is a moral coward. Not one thing wrong with forming that opinion of someone...but it's a whole world of difference when you CALL someone a moral coward. I can look at a heavyset woman and think "Wow...she's fat." It's a whole world of difference if I walk up to her and and say "Wow...you're fat!". Get the picture? Now...if she asked me for help and feedback, I MIGHT say "Well, since you're worried about your weight, you might try....". I'm hoping maybe that this analogy could show how one is constructive, and attempt to help. The other is a simple attack intended to hurt.

I DID cherry pick that comment from where someone was calling you out on the same thing I am...I freely admit that. If you'd like, I'll gladly go back and compile a list of examples of the exact same kind of thing that we're discussing. Just say the word. Feel free to do the same thing in my case too...I'd be interested to see what you find.

Finally, on the moderator comment. I've got to agree with Eldente...

"Judge not, lest ye be judged"?

Owl - Very good post and analogy. Well said.

Owl, you seem to feel its OK to judge me but it is not ok for others to do it. So you are not even following your own advice.

But as I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with POINTING OUT that someone is being a moral coward. What is wrong is BEING a moral coward. Any rational person can and should be able to make that "judgement."

Decent people are supposed to JUDGE right from wrong; our prisons are full of people who cannot.

Further, you took the scripture you quoted OUT OF CONTEXT in order to bastardize its meaning to suit your taste. Nowhere in the bible does say DO NOT JUDGE. It tells us HOW to judge in scripture, it doesn't say DON'T do it. You are EXPECTED to judge right from wrong and if you can't, you should be in prison.

Matthew 7:1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

See, it doesn't tell us not to judge, otherwise you would be in trouble for judging me, it tells us not to judge hypocritically.

Penaltykill you said:



I want to know how you picture me!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Gibby...

I feel like I'm part of a BLESSING to you...

I will PRAY that your wife reads that book...

It really was HELPFUL to me in UNDERSTANDING my H..

Her reading of that book will profit your marriage greatly..I can guarantee you of that....

WOW, THAT'S WONDERFUL!!!! Thanks so much for sharing this with me...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Actually you don't seem to have too tight a grasp on your own statement...