Since there appears to be a major discussion about whether to expose or not I did a bit of reading on the website. This is what I found:

"There are three parts to the way affairs should end. The first part is revealing the affair to one's spouse, the second part is never seeing or communicating with the lover again, and the third part is getting through symptoms of withdrawal after a permanent separation takes place."

I see where it says reveal to the spouse. But I do not see where it says expose to everyone you know.

Can someone show me where on the MB website that Harley says exposure means to tell anyone and everyone about the affair?

I totally agree that affairs kept secret never die, but I wanted some Harley documentation about exposure.

I am not looking for a debate about whether to expose or not, I am looking for where it says to do this.

Thanks!

This link will send you to the page I found the quote below. Remember revealing and exposure are the same thing. You can also do a search on revealing and you will find more answers.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

As it turns out, most affairs end within six months of their seeing the light of day [color:"red"](being revealed to their family and friends)[/color], and almost all affairs end without leading to marriage.

I hope this answers your question.

From Penalty Kill

My first thought upon seeing the subject matter: "Oh nooo, Mr. Bill".


Well I don't agree, because it wasn't true for me. Secret A's DO die if you END them because you WANT to. I can't believe I'm the only person on this earth for whom this was the case. And in the many years since it ended I was never tempted in the least to have another A. Enough was enough, for me anyway.

That is all. Have a nice day.

Thank you Eagle.

Like I said, not looking for a debate or an argument. I was simply looking for where on the Marriage builders website does it say expose to anyone and everyone.

I will check the link you sent. Thanks!

pk - nope, you're not the only one. Far from it I propose.

Coincidently, see my long response on the To: 2B thread near the end.

lost - I can't explain why this topic has suddenly become so controversial. Continue your research and please include a read thru ALL the posts on ALL the sub-threads in the link about exposure below in my sig line.

Thanks for the link WAT. I will read through it. I am looking to educate myself on exposure and when and to whom to expose. Thanks!

Lost:

I think EXPOSURE was a key element in the ending of my H's A. After his LTA of 2 plus years, our REAL RECOVERY began less than 9 months after EXPOSURE... bringing the A into the light of day...

I TRIED to be careful about whom I EXPOSED to..I think the info. CAN be dangerous in the wrong hands, particularly after Recovery. My H continues to feel SHAMED and unfortunately has chosen to end relationships with former friends because of that. His choice..his cross to bear, though...

I was encouraged by Steve H. to EXPOSE especially to people whom my H RESPECTED and who would have some effect on him...

I CALLED HIS BESTFRIEND at the HOTEL when I found him there with her...

I really regret that I did not EXPOSE to the OW's boss..my H talked me out of that...

Sharing my personal experience with this...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

From PK

WAT, you have much wisdom - I read *everything* you post. You're quite right; shame *is* powerful motivator for the WS, at least it was for me - it motivated me right out of my A, no exposure necessary. When I confessed to my dr, months (a year?) after I ended it, he told me not to say anything to my H, but to take steps to make sure it never happened again. I did, and it didn't. Gynecologists take an oath of patient privacy, but they don't go to MB seminars. (There was no STD, just my guilty messed-up head. I've gone to my dr for 20 years, he delivered my kids, etc)

So, on this site I am branded a liar by some, a traitor to MB principles, even though I came clean to my H, children, friends, family, etc., as soon as the first droplets of $h!t hit the fan. I could have gotten away with saying it had happened only once....but I just wanted the truth out there.

In hindsight, the former friend who let the rumor out of the bag would have done me a huge favor if she had done it years earlier when the A had just begun, and I came to her, totally messed up because of what I had done. It would have been the right thing to do, and I and my H would have been better for it.

Take care.

PK - I wish you well in your recovery. In hindsight I would have done a lot of things differently in my marriage. Who can't identify things they couldv'e/shouldv'e done differently? Answer: someone not willing to look, really look, in the mirror.


Yep. Probably well intentioned. And this was the easiest advice you could follow.

I frequently advise posters here that they shouldn't take legal advice from a marriage counselor nor marriage advice from a lawyer. Of course, being NEITHER counselors or attorneys, who are we? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> But you get the point, I bet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I encourage you to read all the pertinent advice available here - even advice that you may not agree with. I believe that when we want to tender a disagreement, if we do it respectfully - tenderly - we'll get more communicated. A drop of oil on the hinge frequently works better than kicking the door in. When our respect isn't reciprocated, we should retire.

As always, JMHO

WAT