I can't believe I am back here. Came here frequently 5 years ago after my husband told me of an affair he had had 4 years before ( now total of 9 years ago). We went through recovery and had the best marriage we had ever had although admittedly I did still had resentment deep down, but really the hurt had actually healed... SO TO YOU THAT ARE JUST EXPERIENCING YOUR FIRST : YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WITH TIME!!

My husband now has been having an emotional affair with office receptionist going on about a year. From what I know (there could be more) but the affair consisted of: talking at work, text messaging, phone calls. MANY, many text messages. I found out initiall last October, threw him out, he cries and cries and threatens suicide, begs to come back promising to do anything to have our marriage stay intact. I called the OW and told her to stop, she said: she was sorry and that she knew he really loved me and wanted to work things out, that they were both going through marriage difficulties( she was going through a divorce - how typical). I also made husband call her on speaker phone with me there and tell her that their "friendship" had to stop that it wasn't appropriate or respectful to me. This was all October of last year.

WELL...fast forward to two weeks ago: found some text messages from her the last couple of weeks WS's cell. With further questioning WS admits to also calling this same person from our home phone( which I didn't have records of) while I was out of town several weekends caring for my ill parents. All while continuing to deny this because I had repeatedly asked him if he was still contacting him because my inuition told me he was. I was right. But WS has been acting as if I were crazy, and he yells and becomes abusive with me until I had the proof of the cell bill.

I threw my husband out yet again. He threatens suicide and The next day breaks down and was taken to the psychiatric hospital in town and admitted. This was ten days ago and now he is an outpatient on intense therapy basis ( all day long).

*** WS now saying he just was using this person and the phonecalls to help him out of the hole of depression becuase he felt he could not talk to me.

I have loved my husband and stuck by him for 14 years even through the affairs. I have given him my all. I have spoken to WS's therapist now whoconfirmed what I have felt all along: my husband is severely depressed with issues stemming from childhood and never feeling loved by parents, and he is wanting me to fill that void, which I can never do.

I could go on and on (can't we all). But I feel for my husband and try to understand his "reasons", but I still hurt so badly and should I, CAN I, take him back? There is a 9 year old son as well. Because the end result is I keep getting hurt so deeply.

Am I a terrible person for not yet again trying to stick by my husband with depression? When is enough enough?

dorri: Sorry your back - glad you came back.
Does that make sense ? You came to a good place.

IMHO it is a good thing WH is getting help.

My feeling:
In sickness and in health -

Did your husband read the material for MB ?

Is he in line with the philosophy of HNHN.

I imagine others will respond to your thread shortly

I'd say hang in there and good luck.

Upon his admission of the first affair my WS was wholeheartedly in line with everything in the "surviving an affair" book and HNHN. We both wrote lists of our most important needs, and he carried my list in his wallet for four years and did everything he could to be the perfect husband ... until last year out of the blue when this receptionist was transferred to his office. Then all of a sudden I am someone he cannot talk to?

His depression has been an ongoing problem to deal with. I am so desperate to know if am I a fool to go through this again? I am so confused.

dorri - recidivism compounded by depression argues for a conclusion that MB methods - very well suited for garden variety infidelity - may not be useful for you and your husband. But I could be very wrong.

Perhaps right off the bat you should consider gaining the perspective of one of the MB counselors before you devote yourself to "standard" MB again.

JMHO

Dorri - WAT is more than likely correct. MB methods require a relatively healthy spouse to succeed in both preventing A's and improving your general M.

Dr H writes that addictions, depression, mental issues of most types must be treated first before MB will work well, if at all.

Call the MB counseling center. They will advise you one way or the other.

It really bites when “in sickness and health” comes with a side helping of infidelity.

With prayers,

Thank you to those who replied. I guess I do need to contact therapist/counselor.

Please do so, GOD has the answers

Hi, Dorri.

Quote:
====================
When is enough enough?
====================

When you say that it is.

All the best,
Gimble