Hi Mimi,

I haven't decided if I am going to invite him over for anything yet. I think that this weekend will be for me to let him think that I am doing OK and moving on with my life. When he picks the kids up, I will be dressed up and ready to go out. In truth, I am just going to the movies with my sister but he doesn't have to know that. If he asks, I will tell him I am going to the movies with a "friend". Let him wonder.

The point I am trying to get across is that I am above all of this lying, sneaking etc... Even if I don't feel it, I will put on the face of someone who is completely in control and ready to take on the next challenge. Confident, assured and friendly are the only things he will see in me unless he turn vicious, then he will see a confident, assured and strong woman who won't put up with being treated badly.

When I do decide to invite him over for "family time". I will be that woman. If he turns mean or starts with the WS fog babble, I will babble back and show him the door. My children need to see me be in charge of this sitch.

Plan A continues...
Loni

I am having a "I hate men" day. Sorry guys. I'm sure it's pretty normal to feel this way. And later, maybe even today, I will be crying because I want him home. This emotional roller coaster sucks. But, if I have to choose a mood, I prefer the angry times. At least I can get some work done when I am just really ticked off. It's the sad and hopeless times that do me in.

I am still praying for God to whisper in his ear during the day and come to his dreams every night. That prayer remains the same regardless of my emotions.

Still here, acting like a lighthouse,
Loni

Loni,

Maybe it would be a good day to do or start a "home improvement" project. You mentioned painting or tiling in an earlier post.

I always feel better after "getting my hands dirty" and working on some project thay needed doing. In fact, you could enlist the aid of the kids also.

If your WH used to do all the house maintenance his seeing this will give him something to really think about.

It seems that the BS becomes much more attractive to the WS when the WS starts to realize that they aren't "needed" by the BS. How that for some grass fertilizer? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I usually enlist the help of the family in various projects. Occasionally my W & I work on a project downstairs in our "family room" during our nightly hour together.

A few years ago I taught my eldest DD how to work my scroll saw. I showed her patterns for different projects she could work on. She still makes time to make these projects occasionally (When she's not working with the horses!).

This last weekend I showed DD9 how run the scroll saw (yes, completely supervised!). I showed her the patterns of all the different projects she could work on! Her eyes just gleamed with the possibilities! I'll probably give DD9 the "Christmas" project this year.

It was a beautiful day yesterday so I introduced DD1 to the backyard swingset and slide.

Still praying for you.

Stay Strong!

Great idea WTF,

You are absolutely right about "not needing" him. It seemed to be a huge LB whenever I would act like I NEEDED him. I hope he gets the idea that I want to be with him and not that I can't live without him.

I just really wish he would join me for counseling. He did agree to counseling for us to coparent the kids through this divorce.

Gotta go,
Loni

I saw him today....

My DD15 had a softball scrimmage. I went and was talking with a friend when he showed up. He waved and went to sit down in the stands. After a bit, I went and sat down on the stands about 4 feet away from him. As I was walking up, I pretended to be talking on my cell. As I got close to him I feigned having to go so I could watch my DD play and that I would call back later. True Plan A?

He told me that my dad had called him and asked for some things and he wanted to know if I could bring them instead of my WH. I told him that I would take care of it and that he could tell my dad that he doesn't need to do things anymore, afterall, we aren't going to be married anymore. WH said he didn't mind helping my dad. I said that's fine but he doesn't have to. I told WH that I had his bible in my car if he wanted it. I had asked him this morning when he called the kids if he wanted it and if he wanted his Cockatiel as well. WH asked me why I wanted to get rid of the bird. I told him that I actually don't mind the bird because he is the easiest to care for out of all the pets. WH then said, "I sure would hate to lose him." He would hate to lose a bird. What about his wife, his kids, his home, his self-respect, his church, his God? What an idiotic, self-serving, thing to say the the woman you just threw away. I sat for a second and let it sink in. Then I got up and said, "Yeah, make sure you don't lose him." as I was walking away.

I just dropped my DD off at driver's ed. On the way, I mentioned that I really miss WH. She got mad and told me that she doesn't want to hear it. She said that I act like I am the only one who misses him. I told her that I don't think that at all. I just know my feelings and didn't want to put words in her mouth about how she feels. She was still mad and told me that she doesn't need to hear how I feel.

I feel like I am losing my DD as well as my H. I hate that he is doing this to me and my kids. I hope he wakes up in a cold sweat tonight and realizes that he has thrown away all the wonderful gifts that God gave him.

Oh God, I am so sad I could just crawl into a hole and stay there. If it weren't for my kids, I don't think I would even get out of bed in the morning, and I feel like I am losing them too. Hasn't he taken enough from me? That selfish SOB. I hope he realizes that his "happiness" is at the expense of mine and our kids.

I just want to cry. Why can't he see what he is doing? Why can't he see that the OW will only throw him away. Why can't he see that I really loved him and why wouldn't he do everything he could to save this family? Oh God,,, I am going to be divorced. I don't want this at all. That selfish ****** is throwing away my dreams too. Damn him.

Loni

Loni - Calm down. It is amazing that he said he hated to lose the bird. YIKES! But that is how these folks think. You need to hang in there and keep thinking about making a better life for your family.

Hi believer,

I'm sorry for the anger I was just venting. I get so frustrated with his screwed up thinking. And, I miss my H so much. Not the Wh. That guy is horrible and a liar and a cheat. My H was a wonderful guy. He treated me really well. I miss the sound of his voice and his laugh. Most of all, I miss how he held me and kissed me. I am so afraid that my H is gone forever. It's like he died but only to me. Everyone else can be with him and talk to him but he's nowhere to be found for me. I hope I don't always feel this way. If I love him like this and he never comes back, how will I heal?

Loni

Hey Loni - this is the place to vent. No need to apologize here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> The aliens have him. It is spiritual warfare so don't expect it to be easy. Stay strong, trust, it is so hard, I know. You are not alone.

Thanks Intention

I am a pretty stubborn girl. I have never just given up in my entire life. To "be still" like Ark says is so against my natural tendencies. I want to actively stop the destruction but I can't. I want to convince him that our marriage is sacred and special but I can't. I want to show him that I care enough to work harder then I ever have but I can't. He knows that I believe all these things but he doesn't believe. I don't want my marriage to be over. I want my children to grow up in a solid home with both parents.

All of these things mean so much to me and it hurts so much that he can take them all away and not even care. You are right... the aliens have him and I don't have enough ammo to win him back.

Loni

OH..YES YOU DO!

I remember when I felt exactly as you do.

I had to learn that I had control over myself and that I could follow a plan to FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE...

It's best to view this a BATTLE AGAINST THE FORCES OF EVIL. Don't feel like you have to give up and hand him over to her. You have loads and loads of ammunition. You have a history with him that no one can ever replace. He is lost now. You are right. There is nothing you do with him. However, there's lots YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE YOURSELF!!!!

Start to READING about PLAN A in SURVIVING AN AFFAIR...and also on this site...

IT'S A BATTLE and the FIRST STEP IS BELIEVING THAT YOU CAN WIN!!!

But you have the power of faith and prayer. If you pray for enough faith to sustain you through this trial, it will be given to you. I think God is trying to help you learn something about relying totally on him.

Not being able to act in a situation like this is so hard. You will feel like exploding with frustration. You will want to scream. Then you will remember that you will never be tested beyond what you can bear and you will be still and know that He is God. You will not understand, but you will know, and perhaps later you will understand.

Oh Mimi,

thank you. I hate when I get like this. You know. All weepy and sentimental. Thank heavens he isn't here to see all of these mood swings. They are driving me crazy. Can you imagine how a WS would see them?

Plan A. Plan A. Plan A.
TEN HUT!!! I'm locked, loaded and ready.
You do realize that if my H comes back, he might have to take me on a world cruise so I can recuperate. lol.

Seriously, I am a pathetic soldier but I am one heck of a mean and stubborn chick. My ancestors were Cree indians. We used to scalp people. My H was mad because I threw a glass at him for cheating on me. He just didn't know how lucky he was.

I will pray long and hard tonight. This is one fight that I will not give up. This is my family and they mean the world to me.

Loni

Read Ephesians...the part about putting on the armor against evil forces..don't have my Bible handy right now...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Intention,

My post must have crossed with yours and I didn't see it till just now.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about what God must want from me. I think that the idea of relying only on Him is probably it. I have always had a hard time just letting things be. Believing that God is in control and hasn't forgotten me. I am reminding myself daily that His truth is THe truth.

Mimi,
Thanks for the verse. I will read it. I have been reading alot of psalms and Corinthians. I gave my H his bible back and I put the bookmark on Proverbs. Last night I encouraged him to please not turn away from God. I told him that I care very much about him even if we aren't together. My biggest fear is that he will lose that wonderful relationship that he had with God. I hope he opens his bible and reads some of Solomon's words.

God is good and I am hanging onto Him with all my might. I can't give up on this life or my M without giving up on God and His grace and wisdom. I have to rely on His love to see me through and trust that He has something wonderful for me just around the corner. Of course, God's timing is not my timing so it could be years before I see it.

Thanks everyone,
Loni

I just want to post real quick. I have the best counselor. She is a christian and is actually leading me in the way that God is directing. What a blessing. She is even encouraging me to do all the things that MB says. I am being still and a lighthouse and letting God's light shine through me.

Thank God for sending this woman into my life right when I needed her most. God is GOOD.

(((((((all my friends here))))))))
Loni

Hi everyone.

I just wanted to share with everyone, especially the newly betrayed, that they can get through this and that they will be OK.

The key to surviving when the one you love the most hurts you the most, is to lean on the one who will never leave us. God is the key. Hold on tight and trust in Him. I am holding on with both hands and He is the only reason that I am, not only, standing but doing well.

I miss my H very much. I hate that this is happening and I am not happy. But, I am relaxed, sure and confident only because I know that God is with me. My counselor says that I am living my testimony. By doing well, I am showing my children and my friends and unbelievers, that God is GOOD. I am also showing my WH and the OW that they were wrong. I am not the psycho, erratic, hateful witch that they portrayed me as. Every time that my WH encounters me, I am the Lighthouse. I am strong, secure, steady and silent with God's light shining brightly through the windows into the fog. The bible says that the ways of an adulteress are chaotic. As the wife, I am calm. When my WH falls and his eyes open to the chaos around him and he fully realizes what he has done to me and his children, he will see me. If God wishes for this marriage to continue, or to start again, I will be a better woman and he will be a better husband. Pride and bitterness will be put aside for love to grow. The more I lean on Him, the more I will be able to forgive all of the hurts and meanness that I have experienced.

Follow the wise Ark and be the lighthouse to you Spouse. And, BE STILL. When you have done all that you can do, let God do his miracles in your life. When you are at your lowest, God blesses you most. When all the doors are closed and locked, be still and let Him open the way for you. That way may not be with you WH, but you dont want the wayward spouse, you want you spouse.

Thanks for letting me get on the pulpit,
Loni

Hey Loni - you are an inspiration to me. Stay faithful! This was so encouraging to read this morning. Thank you.

I'm glad. I hope you continue to do well.

Loni

Loni:

Beautifully stated.

You have taken MY APPROACH and I sit here today as HAPPY AS I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE...

I ask myself: "Can a person truly be this happy?"

I am happy not because I am reconciled with my H ...who is wonderful and who I love tremendously...

I am thankful for my PERSONAL GROWTH and my PERSONAL TESTIMONY...GOD IS SO GOOD...

I trust in the Lord and continue to trust in Him as He works His miracles in my life daily...

Anything is possible when you believe....

Thank you Mimi,

It is such a good feeling. The Peace I feel now. I don't have to fight anymore. I don't have to play games and try to be something I'm not. All I have to do is trust in Him to take care of me and give him all the praise. Praise Him in all things. I never thought I would thank Him for allowing me to suffer through this, but I do now. I am going to be better than I ever was. If my H gets to be with that person, he is blessed. Just as I would be blessed to be with a H who has a truly convicted heart and true remorse and repentance. This isn't a journey that I ever wanted but I will continue to go in the direction that God is leading me and know that He will see me through to the other side.

Yes, Mimi, God is GOOD.

Loni