Loni,

Don't worry about that booboo. I don't really think it was. WH was pushing your buttons and got a reaction. That's what he was looking for.

Promise me you'll enjoy YOURSELF and your children this weekend. Don't worry about WH this weekend, he's a big boy and should be able to take care of himself. Use this weekend as an R&R from the infidelity wars! Come back recharged and ready to fight!

If WH does decide to drop by for your movie night you can plan A him then. If he doesn't show up just enjoy your time with your children.

You're right on about the filter that WS's look through. They only see the negative. That's the technique they use to justify the unjustifiable. Standard WS stuff stright from the handbook.

Like mimi stated in her post. Don't waste yours or anyone else's time talking to WS about OW. He woun't listen, He'll just turn around and defend her. You don't want him to have to do that.

BTW: I'm glad that you called Jennifer. I'm sure that she'll have some very good info for you.


Now a little about "Cindy" the pony.

Cindy is actually coming along very nicely. Much more quickly than we had hoped.

DD9 is already riding her bareback and under tack using a lead line. I didn't expect to see this for another month to 6 weeks yet. I'm very pleased so far.

We also learned something new about Cindy. She apparently has had some Harness training. An unexpected bonus! Maybe after the riding traing is complete I'll get some Harness tack and see if we can train her to pull a cart / sleigh.

Yet another new challenge for DD14.

Stay Strong Loni & have a wonderful weekend!

Hi Mimi and WTF,

I'm going to take very good care of me and the kids this weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing my DD15 tomorrow. Her trip was just the medicine her poor little heart needed. Her best friend is a great girl and I know that she did everything she could to make sure DD had a good time. But, I'm not used to being without my babies for that long. I miss her something awful.

I hope that the bad attitude from H is a good sign. I'm working on the other thing we talked about WTF. It's gonna take just a little bit.

I'm doing really well. I think H is beginning to notice that he doesn't have any say'so over here since he moved out. He knows that I still care and still believe that the M is worthwhile but I am not allowing him to run the show like before. I am being a good wife and mother even though my H isn't here. But mostly, I am being the woman that God wants me to be. That is good enough for me.

Plan A and being my best lighthouse for this fogged up sitch.

Loni

Loni:

What do you mean by this? What is this in reference to? How are you INFORMING him of this? What are you saying?

""I am having a hard time with plan A. It seems that no matter how good things are, how good I look, my great attitude, lit candles when he comes over, he always finds something negative to say. It's like he doesn't even see the good. Kind of like some sort of glasses that filter out the positive and allow only the negative to get to his brain.""


heres my take on this...the reason he dosnt see you in a good way or has something negative to say is because hes ANGRY inside!! hes mad at himself and needs someone or something to fight with, also throw in a little guilt...hes lashing out and needs a reason to keep hurting you...so he can paint you as a bi**ch... (hold this thought for a moment)


"" think I made a booboo today. He called and asked me a question and then I said "why, you got plans tonight?" He said that he had a date. I could tell from his voice that he was most likely joking but I couldn't help getting angry. He noticed and started laughing and said "wow, got angry quick, didn't ya?" I said, "Yeah, because we're still married and I still love you and going out on a date would be bogus." He was laughing and said that he didn't have a date and that he doesn't even want to date. I said that I don't either and now I was laughing too. ""


OK...i see a power shift...HE KNOWS he is has POWER over you and that no matter what YOU say....your ACTIONS still say you care and will take him back....THATS HUGE!!! (hold this thought too)


"" I'm doing really well. I think H is beginning to notice that he doesn't have any say'so over here since he moved out. He knows that I still care and still believe that the M is worthwhile but I am not allowing him to run the show like before. I am being a good wife and mother even though my H isn't here. But mostly, I am being the woman that God wants me to be. That is good enough for me. ""



I disagree....from a mans perspective....he STILL knows you love him....that still creates a feeling of empowerment in a mans mind...(it would me)...

i think you need to KEEP being strong and around him it "GAME ON" .... look at a pro-athlete...so what if they miss the touchdown or fumble the ball....they are conditioned to say thats "ok, i screwed that one up, but so what...(to his oponant) keep your head DOWN cuz im coming over your head!!)

thats what you need to do...you know what works...keep doing what works...having him PISSED off is a GOOD thing...that tells you that you are having profound effects on him...when he is indifferent....thats when you change up tactics again...

this actually will have a twofold effect on you...it will teach you to be shrewed and calculated...giving you strength and self esteem that you dont have right now...and second, will actual prepare you to take the step that he "may not" return and allow you to get on with your life "healthy, wealthy and MUCH wiser"

thats just my take!!

hang tough...ill talk to ya L8R!

Thanks Sturgis for your viewpoint. Not being a man, I can't think like men do. But I'm a little confused. Isn't part of Plan A letting your WH know that if he turns away from the affair, that there is a much better alternative waiting. With the key element being that he did turn away and is willing to meet the restrictions and work that recovery involves.

I definately understand the whole reverse psychology perspective. It's like I'm dealing with a rebellious child and saying OK fine play with the lighter but being ready with the hose and burn cream. I feel like that is what I'm doing. He is making his own choices but I am waiting for the big blowup that is going to hurt him. Then offering him a way to make things up to himself and his family.

I think I'm rambling on a bit. So I will just update you all. WH didn't show up at the house for family time. I kind of thought he wouldn't. He did come by in the afternoon for some papers and as he was leaving, I asked him if he could promise me that he wasn't seeing the OW. He said that he's not seeing her, or even talking to her. I said "never?" He then backpedalled and said that he has talked to her a couple of times, "like at the birthday party". I said "OK, would you let me check your phone?" Now it gets interesting. He said that he could let me check it because it wouldn't show anything but he won't let me. Then he said that if I did, I might find a couple of incoming calls from her but they were when he had our kids and her son was with ours. Hmmm.

So, at this time, I firmly believe that the A is in full-force. I'm almost relieve, because it explains a lot of his behaviour. But, I did cry myself to sleep last night believing that they were probably together at that moment.
I know you are going to say that nothing has changed really. Plan A is about believing that the A is continuing. Before I went to bed, I did have a good time with my kids. Watched Media's Class reunion and laughed our butts off.

WTF, I am implementing the plan we spoke about privately. I won't elaborate on this board in case my WH is reading these.

Mimi,
What I meant was that I am taking control of my own life and my own decisions. My WH is not in the home. He doesn't get to make the decisions for this household. E.G. He in not allowed to yell at me or to give me orders. Whenever he start with either, I remind him that he is choosing to divorce me and therefore he has given up the priveledge of telling me what to do. Also, I am not going to allow him to yell at me or berate me. When he starts that, the conversation is over. I told him that I will hang up the phone and/or ask him to leave. Of course, when I have done this, I do it calmly and say "OK, WH, we will have to talk later when you are calm and don't have to yell at me." Then I hang up.

Still working on taking care of me. My hair looks great. New highlights that I really like. My home is coming along too. I am working on various projects and just got a patio set at a rediculously low price. This week is supposed to be warm and I am going to start my gardening.

BTW, my DD15 got home from Aruba and she had a blast. She has a sweet little tan and tons of stories. She seemed so relaxed and happy. What a blessing this was for her.

Gotta go, it's time to get ready for church. The lighthouse needs a recharge. God is good and I KNOW that he will take care of me regardless of what my H does.

Loni

A no-no in PLAN A...no whining and pleading..go ahead and assume that he will be seeing the OW and he will not admit this to you.



He's lying to you, Loni. Try to not put yourself in the position to allow him to self-respect you in this way. I used to go ahead and tell my H that "I know you are seeing her and it hurts me, etc "..a much stronger position for you....



Come on, Loni..he's playing you. Contact is contact and he's doing a lot more than talking to her on the phone. Believe me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

OK. You are on track. WHEW (signing with relief)...

Great about taking control of your life and not allowing him to yell at you, Loni.


This is also WONDERFUL!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'd love to know what you are talking about but I kind of understand your reluctance. You are limiting the help that you are getting here, though, by taking this approach. I really doubt very seriously that your WH is reading here. He is full-blown involved in his A and this forum would feel like FIRE/POISON to him, IMO...He's definitely not interested in MBing or views of WHs...

Thanks Mimi,

The plan I am talking about is proof of the A and full-blown exposure to those that matter. One question I have is whether this exposure include the kids. I feel that they are old enough to understand and also to have their own opinions. I also know that their anger and revulsion will have a huge impact on my H. This is one man who loves his kids. But, I worry about putting even more stress on these innocent kids. I feel like they have had so much to deal with already. But, then again, a divorce will damage them even more. I love my kids dearly and want them to be OK regardless of what happens with the marriage.

Don't worry, I have no doubt that this fogged out man is in full force cheating mode. I am so disgusted by this. Yet, I know that the hotter it burns, the sooner it will burn out. Also, the more contact they have now, the more she is liable to love-bust on him. And maybe, him on her.
But the thought of those two together just hurts. Pray for me on that one OK? I know that this is one of the areas that the devil is likely to go after me. The anger and disgust that I have with this is a weak point for me.

Great idea on the whole "I know you're seeing her and it hurts me greatly" response. I will use that from now on.

Wish me luck on the proof finding. Take care and God Bless.

""So, at this time, I firmly believe that the A is in full-force. I'm almost relieve, because it explains a lot of his behaviour. But, I did cry myself to sleep last night believing that they were probably together at that moment.
I know you are going to say that nothing has changed really. Plan A is about believing that the A is continuing. Before I went to bed, I did have a good time with my kids. Watched Media's Class reunion and laughed our butts off.""




i never used "plan a/b"...quite frankly i didnt know about them or this site during my "bs" time....however in learning about them and reading this site, i have seen that NOT everyone will "respond" to these plans and they are not always sucessfull....

i totally believe that MOST human nature is vey predictable and there is a reason that the concept of "tough love" carries over from a varirty of addictions...drug and affairs included...to dealing with unruley kids...etc...

i read the post about the cell phone and asking whether hes seen the OW....and my heart breaks for you....i know how you feel and wanting SOOOO bad for this chaos to end....

i have walked in your shoes....been there....

just stay strong....(easier said than done) i know....i saw a movie recently an older one...."horse wisperer" with robert redford...i saw a very interesting concept...

when the "wild" horse broke free and took off...robert redford DID NOT chase....DID NOT pursue....just sat and waited...eventually the horse came TO HIM...and that changed the whole training concept....

by telling him you "love him"...the jealousy over contact and the cel phone...letting him know "you want him back"...this is PURSUEING him....very empowering to a man....you need to STOP all of these things!!!

STOP CARING!!! YOU CANT CHANGE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW ANYWAY!! plus its just letting him to continue hurting you..

i believe that someone living in the chaos of the affair like our "ws's"....any sense of reason or common sense have gone out the window...my hardest time was trying to make sense of "how someone you love can treat you so bad"...it tok me realizing that you CANNOT make sense out something that "makes no sense" (i think i just made that up..i like it) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

anyway...everything i said YOU already know....just keep doing what works and KEEP working on your self esteem....

i would also REVISIT the "dating issue"....but thats my opinion...

regarding your kids...it is my experience YOUR kids already know the truth...probaly from HIS persective and looking to gain their approval in some demented way...my X did!!!

ill talk 2 ya L8R!!

hang in there!!

Ok..true..NOT everyone is successful. However, for a lot of us the PLANS have been highly successful and effective..not only in marital recovery but also for assisting in PERSONAL recovery and emotional well-being. I followed the PLANS fairly strictly, as closely as I could. Our marriage is very happily recovered. I believe THE PLANS can be helpful for you, Loni, especially because your WH seems to be following the standard WH script so closely.



I agree with the need to stop pursuing him. However, CONTINUE TO CARE ENOUGH to do PLAN A...which includes showing him AFFECTION and telling him that you LOVE him. This can be accomplished MATTER OF FACTLY with CONVICTION AND POWERFULNESS without you coming across as begging and pleading. The message that you want to convey is that YOU LOVE HIM regardless of how he now THINKS that he feels about you. So you don't want TO BEG HIM to love you. You LOVE HIM. You are expressing YOUR OWN feelings. Makes sense? Remember the FOCUS IS ON YOU and not ON CHANGING HIM!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

how do you do those quote boxes...i havent figured it out and im not very computer literate...

also to address my view of the plan a/b comment...sure...they work, theres enough proof here...all you have to do is read..but.....they take TREMENDOUS self discipline, and unless you commit 100% you will continue to waffel and prolong alot of unnecessary pain....

i chose to divorce a cheating spouse...there will always be "what if" but NO ONE deserves to be treated the way a BS treats their family.

i think a person needs to ask..."at what price am i willing to pay"? physically?? emotionally?? huge toll on the kids...stress is a silent KILLER!!

anyway...thats just my opinion.

You are welcome to your opinion, Sturgis.

However, for Loni's benefit, I want to share that I did not make that choice. I worked THE PLANS with conviction and support from folks here and I couldn't be happier. I don't ask "WHAT IF". I ask "WHAT'S NEXT" for US to EXPLORE in life TOGETHER. Also, thankfully, I got the chance to learn that if I have to be in this life alone without my H, I WILL and CAN SURVIVE....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

thank you for respecting my opinion, we are both BS's and share the pain of WS's, but you are a woman and im a man, we both have different view points based on life experience and gender...

in reading your bio, you seem like a very long suffering wife, who stood by her man through some really tough and trying times...and now its paying off!!!

im happy for you, you accomplished something i would NOT do.

Thankyou both for your opinions and experience. I am choosing to follow the MB plan as closely as I can. My H was a very good man with a high moral character. He showed me daily before becoming involved with a master manipulator. I don't deny that my H is perfectly capable of making his own decisions and that he has made some pretty horrific ones. But, I also know that the devil is at work here and is taking great delight in destroying a christian family. I believe that the OW has been in his hands for a very long time and witnessed by the multiple affairs that she has been involved in and the actions that she is now choosing. I believe that my H chose to make himself available to this woman and she has charmed and manipulated him into believing a lie. Again, his choice, but he did not act anything like this for 20 out of the 22 years we have been together.

I think that he is in so deep that he couldn't find his way out of this with a map. Will I continue to pine away for him after the divorce? No. I will live my life and feel sad for what is gone and what could have been. But, I know that God is with me and won't allow me to suffer endlessly for someone else's decisions.

You see, I am hurt by all of this. I am incredibly sad and sometimes the sadness can be overwhelming. The difference in me, now, is that I am not hanging on to my husband. I am hanging on to God with both hands. This is not because of me. I didn't do this. I made things easier for him to turn to another but I didn't do that for him. So, I am not going to allow this to change me for the worse. I will come out of this better than when I went into it. Whether that is with my husband by my side or my wayward husband wandering around in the fog.

As for the Stick part of plan A... I am working on that as we speak and will give updates when I have them. Throw a prayer up for the success of this plan.

I need this post very much to keep me centered so I appreciate the support more than I can say.

Loni

BEAUTIFUL!! BEAUTIFUL!!

Stick with this POV, My Sister!!

This is a War that you will win..battle by battle..H with you or not!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

One quick update...

My H called this morning and left a message on my cell. He asked me to let him know what my lawyer said about mediation and what we need to do before we go so we can make it quick and cheaper.

I called and left the following message on his cell...

Hi WH. This is Loni. About your message, I won't discuss the divorce or anything about it with you because I still love you and believe that our marriage is salvagable. So, therefore, I won't help you expedite the process in any way. Take care and have a really good day. Bye and I'll see you later.

Ok. I was strong and upbeat and positive. Most of all, I was very insistant on being for marriage. What do you think Mimi?

Loni

Your message to him sounds great, Loni!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You did great Loni. I haven't posted here on your thread for a while, but I do keep reading your updates, and I think of you and pray for you and your WH and your situation. You are an inspiration to me.

Thanks for the votes of support. Knowing that I am not alone helps me so much. I feel like the only sober person in a room full of drunks sometimes. His family is thick in the fog with him and I hope that Exposure dispells some of their illusions.

Mimi (may I call you Sis?), you are so wonderful and I need your opinion very much. Sturgis, your opinion means so much to me also. Sometimes, hearing from differing POVs is a good way to come to a POV of your own. And, Intention, stay strong too. It doesn't come naturally and it's not easy. That's why I am hanging on to God. When I let go of Him last time, I tried to commit suicide to escape the pain. I fell so deep into a black pit of pain that I couldn't find my way out. And, when my H left, and then when he gave me the divorce paper, I immediately thought again of ending my own life because the pain was so searing and intense.

Obviously, I didn't do that. But the thought stayed there for a while. I still hurt. Who wouldn't when in this sitch? But, now when I feel overwhelmed, I pray and beg God to be with me. I read my bible and call a friend who will remind me that God didn't make His first and only mistake by making me. God loves me and knows my name. Therefore, he has a plan for my life and I had better do what He wills for me because His way is the ONLY way. Look at what following the world's way did for my H and the OW. I am not going to let the devil get his hands on me and take away the One who loves me without fail. If I give into the sorrow and grief and take my own life, then the devil has really won.

So Mimi, this is truly a battle. A battle against the Affair. A battle for my marriage and family. But, most of all, a battle against the evil that can destroy us forever. And, you know what? I am not up to the task. I am just a woman with 3 teenage kids and a whole lot of troubles. But, with God beside me, His word in my mind, and his love as my shield, together We can fight this. The affair might continue and the marriage might be lost but if I come out of this with God as my friend and my kids know this and live it too, then I have won.

Please keep praying for us. This is so hard and the emotional rollercoaster is very difficult to bear. But, with my friends here on this board and in my own circle of people at home, I make it day by day.

Love and <<<hugs>>>
Loni

2 cents....(something to think about)

have you ever wronged someone close to you??? it takes alot of effort sometime and putting down some pride to apologize even if you have conditioned yourself that you wernt entirely wrong...right?? well thats how it is in my case...

when i read through the post and kinda put me in your H mindset...i get the feeling that he is miserable...HIS life is not going better....the OW...put her out of the picture because no matter what she does or says to him..the guilt or feelings that he may be going through are not going away with simple words....he may also not EVEN begin to know how to put something this broken together again...nor is he ready! IMHO!

also....when you tell him you love him, you want the marriage to work, your willing to wait...so on and so forth, yes...you are creating a sort of emotional turmoil inside his head but....

whos problem is that?? its his...as long as you continue to keep your head UP...not let him see you broken down emotionally and give him the impression that you are able and willing to move on....you will accomplish a couple of things...

he KNOWS you still love him...
he KNOWS you want your marriage to work...
he KNOWS what he is doing is wrong....
he KNOWS what the right thing to do is...

he knows all these things...the more you tell him these things you arnt creating any seperation or cutting him off emotionally...

when you STOP all these things...you will create a void, a vacuum of sorts and it may draw him in...kinda like the plan B idea...

just be strong....he knows you want desperatly to save your marriage...just relax...if he wants to be an A**hole...let him..its ok...if he wants to be maen and say mean things...let him, its ok...if he wants to fight, just agree with anything he says...let him see you as agreeable and indifferent...it will create the vacuum and also allow to to get stronger EMOTIONALLY and stop acting needy..

just withdraw...keep with your plan....i think the phone call was a step in the right direction...continue to be indifferent....

you say you believe in God and prayer, did Jesus chase anyone in the bible??? not that i knowe of, he gave us free will, free to do good, free to do wrong. i used to think of the story of the "PRODIGAL SON" in terms of my X...remember...the father allowed the son to leave, go on his own, NEVER stopped, NEVER argued, NOTHING...one day the "son" returned, asked forgiveness and was truely repentant.

i realize the story was about a "son" not a "spouse"....maybe there was a reason for that, i dont know, maybe have someone wiser than me who knows the bible can put it in context...but you get my point...NOWHERE did Jesus or God "chase" someone down and force them to love them....

believe it or not....men need affirmation and respect as much as any other emotional need, you already cut out the sex...cut everything else too...

trust me...it does get easier in time...

talk 2 ya L8R

Well, things went downhill in a quick way last night. My DD15 was at drivers ed until nine. She had softball before that so basically, she wasn't home at all until after driver's ed. She came home and got on the phone with a friend. I went online to play Sims, for the first time that day btw. I wasn't talking to anyone, just building a fence around a property. Just basically having fun and being creative. DD's friend had to get off the phone and wanted her to go online so she started to sound off about me getting off the computer. I told her to hang on a minute so I could finish what I was doing and she started to mouth off to me. As she went on, I called my friend up to talk and my DD actually told me to leave the room. OK. Not going to happen. I told DD that I am the adult and this is my house and if she doesn't want to be in the same room with me, then she can go out of the room. But she doesn't get to tell me what I can or cannot do. She continued to mouth off, so I told her that was it and to get off the computer, which she refused to do. So I disconnected the phone line and she went ballistic.

She called her dad and started telling him how I was neglecting them and on the computer replacing my kids with sims. That I haven't cooked them a meal in weeks and that I am being mean to her. I took the phone away and told my H that this doesn't involve him and that I am trying to discipline our dd because she was being disrespectful. So I said goodbye and hung up the phone. My DD is now yelling at me and telling me what a horrible mom I am etc... She grabs the phone back and calls her dad again. This time, running up stairs. I follow her upstairs and tell her to give me the phone. She says that I can't take her phone because it is hers. I said that I can because I am her mom. Since her dad pays for it, she can keep it at his house and use it over there unless she remembers that in this house she has to go by my rules. She gives me the phone and my H starts yelling at me about being on the computer and not taking care of the kids or the house. I was still calm, somewhat, so I told him that he doesn't know what is going on in this house. That he left by his own choice and that I am doing a great job of taking care of everyone.

He again starts yelling about not taking care of things and this time I am starting to get angry but I didn't lose my temper. I told him that his choice was to leave and that left me in charge of the kids and the house so therefore, he is just going to have to deal with that. He said that he was going to come and get our DD and I told him "No". He got mad and said that he can do what he likes because she is his dd too. I said "No, you can not run to her rescue every time she gets in trouble with me. I am raising these kids now and they can not be allowed to call you everytime they get mad at me." He started to yell again and I said that he needed to stop because this is what is left of his choice to leave and chase after some tramp. OK. Maybe not the best thing to say. He yelled at me to Suck his D^%$, and then hung up on me.

I called my friend and I was sobbing now and feeling so beat down. I felt like I was fighting my own child in saving the marriage as well as the OW and my H's family. As I was starting to calm down, the doorbell rang. H was standing there and I opened it and asked what he wanted. He said he was here to talk to DD. I said she's upstairs and is being punished. He said he was going to talk to her. I told him to call her tomorrow that she is fine but mad. He then started telling me that I am not taking care of the house and the kids. That I spend too much time on the f^%$ing computer and the kids are going to rebel. I told him that he isn't here to know what I am doing or not doing. He CHOSE to leave and that I am dealing with that choice. I told him that he does not get to come over here and pull this. Also, he is to never say 'Suck my D%$#' to me ever again. That I am the mother of his children and he has a problem if he can't show me enough respect to speak to me with decency. My H put his foot in the door and I told him to just leave. He refused and pushed the door open when I tried to close it.

My DS17 came up behind me with some kind of stick and my H looked at him and said "what, are you going to hit me?" to my son. My son replied that he would if my H went to hurt me. Then my youngest came up and put the chore schedule that I had made the day before, in front of my H and said "Look Dad, mom is doing a good job with us. See? She is taking care of us and she wants us to help her take care of the house." My H looked at me and said that it's obvious that I am not taking care of things. I told him to go because he chose to leave this house to chase after some slut. He said "I'm not chasing after anyone." I said "really. then show me the phone. If you have nothing to hide then you wouldn't have a problem with that." He said that he would bring me the phone bill. I said he could go get it now. He then stalked off to his truck and yelled at me to not call him. I just closed and locked the door.

Whew, I barely made it through last night. My DD15 did come down and apologize but she is messed up from all of this. She can't believe that this is her dad's fault and that I am not to blame for any of it. I just told her that she doesn't know all of it because she shouldn't. But, the truth is the truth no matter what angle you look at it. I cried to my friend and she helped me to keep my perspective and not give up on myself in this. She helped me remember that it isn't my fault and that I didn't do anything wrong. I felt like I blew it though. I might have. At this point, I don't even know if I care. I'm just so exhausted and frustrated with dealing with a completely irrational sitch.

I am going to get the kids into counseling asap. I know they need it, esp. our DD15. Maybe, their father might realize that this is a horrible thing to do to his kids. All for an illusion that is going to leave him with nothing but regrets and pain.

I am still hanging on to God. I think that I might like to put the balls that I'm juggling, down for a bit and get some R&R time. I need to rejuvenate.

Love ya all.
Loni