hi loni...

as far as the R.O., just LAUGH!!! they are doing it for a reaction....I wouldnt say a word to WH about it....99.9% that he knows about it already and is just waiting to egt into a confrontation with you...

the longer you go without acknowledging it, the more YOU will irritate them...they NEED you to react...

a R.O. needs to have "just cause"...basically it is an order from a judge....anyone can request one, but without "just cause", its highly unlikely they will grant one....

just from this moment forward, DO NOT for one second forget that they just UP'D the ante and the rules are now changed....belive me, YOU are in a fight for your "life"...and you are fighting against a "dirty fighter"....

keep you guard up!!

Thanks everyone. I am waiting for final approval from Jennifer before sending the letter. Until then, Plan A has to continue but not a "needy" plan a. More of a strong, silent, positive Plan A. The kind I have been trying to do for the past several weeks.

As for exposure if I get proof that the secret cell phone is indeed a link between the two. How, when, and to Who? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Guys, I need some encouragement that there is still a "little" bit of hope. Otherwise, if there shouldn't be any hope, I will just forget this and really go on with my life. I am soooo sad about this and I know that I will be OK. I just really hate this so much. Please tell me that Plan B will help me feel better. Please tell me that I will feel better regardless of the marriage. I just need some reinforcement, and it helps so much to know that you are out there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WTF, thanks for the suggestions. I will use them and bring it before Jennifer. I am kind of scared. I know. God will take care of me, and it's not a great sign of faith to be afraid. But I am afraid. Please pray for me with that.

On a good note, a rep for insurance came by work today. We were discussing school age kids and I told him that my kids are all teens and he was SHOCKED. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> He said that he thought I was in my mid to late twenties. That felt really good. Just a little ego stroke to take the sting off of being rejected by my WH.

My dad is doing the same. He still doesn't stand up for me when my WH criticizes me to him. But, I have given up on anyone standing up for me. I will do it for myself and I will do it with a clean heart and conscience.

I still am praying for my WH to really turn the corner and become the man that he should be. If he doesn't, I pray that God brings joy into my life and maybe, just maybe, he will bring a really sweet, generous, honest, God-fearing and faithful man for me to care for and love. I miss being Loved. Not a physical type but more like being cherished. I deserve to be cherished just like I cherished my H. I hope he misses that when I go dark.

I am so happy that this site is here. Wow, if it didn't exist I would be very lost. Take care and good night my friends. I am still the lighthouse.

Loni

Quick update...

I just sent my third request for an appt with Jennifer. I really stressed the importance of this appt. I hope they get back to me this time. I checked my contact info 3 times to make sure it's correct.

***crossing fingers for luck***
Loni

Usually Plan A doesn't bring them back. It takes Plan B. It is extremely difficult at first, but was what saved me.

And don't worry, life will be good again. I didn't save my marriage, and am happier than ever. You will get there too.

Thank you Believer,

I just got some good news this morning. My DD15 checked the phone in her dad's truck. It is a Verizon Wireless and the calls she was making were to a Centennial Wireless number. This doesn't mean that he's not messing around with her. But it helps me feel better all the same. Plan B will still go into effect after I check with Jennifer. Wish me luck and send up some prayers.

Loni

Hang in there. Even though it isn't the same carrier, the fact that he has a secret phone is not good. What kind of phone is missing from the OW's family?

Hi Loni,

I haven't posted on your thread much even though I have been following your story from way back in last September.

B is right. Plan A doesn't always work and it takes a strong Plan B to get through the WS fog. Even that doesn't always work, but it will remove you from the pain.

Good luck with Jennifer and let us know what she suggests.

HTW

What do I do if the A is not going on? My appt with Jennifer is set for Sunday night. I will discuss this completely with her.

Loni

I think you can count on the fact that the A is still going on.

Get your ducks in a row for Plan B. It is very difficult. Spend your time thinking of things you might need to talk to your WH about, and figure out a way to take care of them. It will be even harder for you because of the ages of your kids.

I am soooooo ready for plan B. The fog is thick around this one. He just accused me of doing "whatever it would take" to get what I want. I challenged him on it and kept my cool but it was very hard. He even told me that he has a notebook that he will use against me if I do anything to him. I challenged that too and he then said that he only writes his "feeling" in it.

One more little bit of info came out... When he was in my house without my permission, he brought up my outgoing email file and read the emails I sent to WTF and his wife about exposing the A if and when I get proof. I know he read it because he told me to not send pics of "his" kids over the internet. I had promised to send pics of the kids to my newfound friends in the email. I finally just hung up. It was worthless to even talk to that fog bound alien.

I really believe that Plan B will be a relief. I don't want the divorce and I still hope it doesn't happen but I need a break from him. I even told him that I am better off with the man that he has become but that I miss my H very much and I hope that my H returns to himself someday. Probably not the right thing to say.

What was kind of funny though, was that he said I threatened to "exploit" him in the email. I wrote "expose" the bejeebers out of the affair. He read about the PI idea though and that bothers me. He says that I am always snooping and checking stuff out and he even accused me of, not only, lying but also of recording the phone call with him at that moment. He said "if you got a recorder on, I am going to hang up right now". I dang near need a recorder so I can replay some of the insane and irrational statements that he makes.

My son asked me to talk with him about how angry my DS is with his dad because the A has hurt his friendship with his friend and that everything would be OK if he hadn't messed around with the OW. I told my H that our DS was afraid to talk to him because our DS had been punished for talking negatively about the OW. He also was afraid of making his dad angry. Of course, my WH denied that any of that was true so I told my WH to call our son, and to call our DS' counselor after his appt tomorrow. He probably won't do either because he doesn't want to know the truth. He wants to live in his little fantasy and I keep mucking that up for him.

I hope that someday, the truth comes out and my H faces what he has done to me and our kids. Until then, because it might take years, I will just be the best me that I can. I will do that, not to please my H, but to please God and myself. If I am right with God, then I am good.

Still holding on to the "LIGHT" with both hands.
Loni

Loni,

I'm in line with what Believer is saying.

I know I don't want to nor do you want to believe that the A is on but after the phone logs and the other coincidences / behaviors lately even my "denier" is getting overwhelemed.



Oh No! Busted! nudge nudge <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> *snort* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Since he now knows that I exist tell him I'm willing to talk with him if he would so wish it (which I HIGHLY doubt). If he would like I could perhaps give him an idea what it was like for me as a child when my father was he11 bent on destroying his marriage 2b with his OW. I wouldn't be angry / confrontational with him but I would let him know what his kids are likely going through.



It will be! But we have to set it up properly before we implement this! We get ONE chance to do a good Plan B. Mrs. Field and I will help and support you in this any way that we can.



The divorce is his way to avoid this. Unfortunatley he is very mistaken in this. He already knows the truth himself and he's fighting himself at this very moment.
You've going to be the best you can be. You've got the right attitute to do this for youself and God first.

BTW: Good job on getting that appointment with Jennifer!

Stay Strong!

thanks everyone.

I never thought that I would look forward to Plan B, but I am. The idea of being done with this pain is a relief. I am going to really have to give it all over to God and let my WH choose the kind of life and the kind of man he wants to be.

The Plan B letter is a little confusing because I don't have any solid proof of the A continuing. I do have so many reasons to believe it has but nothing solid. I will put this all to Jennifer on Sunday night.

I am doing pretty well this morning. My WH didn't call my DS13 last night. He probably won't. It's easier for him to just blame me then actually face the fact that his actions have hurt his kids. I am expecting for my WH to really go to work on all of the kids to gain their support. We'll see how that turns out. Plan B will make this easier for me because I won't have to defend myself to my WH and try to convince him to quit messing with the kid's heads.

Getting ready for work now. Take care y'all and I'll catch up with you later.

Loni

Just knowing that the pain is going to be ending soon is a great relief in itself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> It will hopefully give you that little bit of extra strength you need to finish with a really great plan A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You don't need absolute, unimpeachable, stand up in court, solid proof. If it looks like a ...., acts like a ....., smells like a ....., then is likely is a ..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you're doing better this morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm not surprized that WH didn't call DS13, he's probably too busy on the phone with OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

You're right in that it's easier to blame you than to look at the real source of the discontent. After all NONE of this is his fault is it? *snort* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You are going to have to talk to the kids about your expectations of them once you move to plan "B". He will be using them to get information about you and to deliver messages from him. Let them know how you expect them to deal with this.

Stay Strong!

Loni,
I've been pretty much absent for a few days, but had to catch up again on your sitch. I'm so sorry it's not going as well as hoped. I'm with you, not 100% sure the A is still ongoing. It seems like it is, but where's the absolute proof? Did you say you're hiring a PI? I think that'd be good -- you really need something more concrete before you send that pbl -- IMHO anyway. Either way he's still a WH in my opinion, whether in act or spirit, and he needs to make some changes. Is plan B appropriate w/o an A going on? I'm just hurting for you and hoping so much that things will go the way you want them to. I hope WH has a major change of heart and comes running back. Look what he'll get when he does -- the new and improved Loni! And I'm sure she was wonderful before anyway.

Well, just know I'm thinking of you and your family. Stay strong -- You are an amazing woman!

Dulce

Hi Dulce,

How nice to hear from you again, friend. I am still going to Plan B even if I don't have proof of an A. I will consult with Jennifer about the appropriate letter and how to make sure that Plan B is able to be established and followed.

I do hope that everything turns out well and my M can be saved but, if it isn't, then I know that I will be fine and happy again.

Loni

Just wanted to touch base and wish you well this weekend Loni!

Good luck with Jennifer Sunday Night.

Make sure to let us all know how it went!

Stay Strong!

I'm done with my WH. I'm ready for plan B. In fact, I started it last night and I will send the letter after talking with Jennifer tonight. I have taken off my wedding rings and I am putting all the momentos away. I am actually becoming fine with the divorce. Ok. You probably need an update so here it is...

Friday, I got proof of the affair via cell phone records of the OW, my WH and the cold phone. I was able to track my WH's work schedule from the cell phone towers listed on the bills. Even the trips he makes to his parents campsite and to my dad's house. It's ridiculous the number of calls made between the OW and my WH.

So, I exposed to her pastor first. That went well. I exposed to my FIL yesterday morning and when I told him that I had proof of the affair continuing, he said that it was all hearsay and he didn't want to hear anymore and hung up on me. My dad was next and he said, "SO?" I then exposed to my pastor and that went well.

Friday night, I did my best plan A. I called my WH and told him that I know the truth and I was wondering if he was ever going to tell the truth to me, anyone, or even himself. I told him that I am resigned to the D and that I still care enough about him to want him to be OK with himself and with God. I also told him that he has changed so much in the last two years and I hope that he finds himself again because the man he used to be was pretty great and I want our children to get a chance to get to know that man. He was very quiet during the conversation. Then I said that I wished him a good night and the wished me the same.

The next morning was another session of venom spewing. Which I cut short. Then the icing on the cake...

The PPO that she filed on me was actually signed. Apparently, I am a stalker and a threat to her person. I am not to be in her line of sight. Amazing. That is how I have been wanting it for a very long time. My WH called and my DD15 answered. He asked what she was doing and she started laughing and said that she was just trying to restrain herself from making any threats or stalking anyone. He was instantly hot. Then he called me and went off on how this is my fault and I just told him that I didn't do anything and that he needs to remember that the things I have been accused of never happened and that I have witnesses to that effect. He was also angry because I intimated that he had something to do with the ppo since she filed it the day after I told my WH that I was thinking of filing one on her.

Then he threw in a threat of exposing all of the bad things that he has on me. What can he have? I haven't done anything. Stuff from my distant, unsaved past? Bring it on buddy because I am not afraid of you. God is on my side and the TRUTH will be known.

I am ready to be done with this. I'll talk with Jennifer but I am thinking about going on a date or two and throwing this marriage out with all of his things.

I am trying so hard to not Hate. I hate what they are doing so much that it's hard to seperate the person from the action. I am looking forward to when my WH can't spew his venom at me and it goes to the OW instead.

Loni

Sorry it has come to that. I agree that Plan B is the way to go.

Thanks B. I'm fine. Plan B is going to be a relief for me. I'm actually looking forward to it. I went to church this morning and touched base with some really supportive friends. The sermon was on the power of prayer. I'm still praying for my WH and the OW to be transformed by God's grace. If not, then I will be fine because He is in the process of transforming me and I welcome the new improved woman that I will be at the end of this.

One day at at time will get me through. Please keep up the prayers.

Loni

hi loni...

my heart broke when i read your last msg....all i can tell you is, just give it time, you WILL be ok....i went down the same path, im dealing with some resentment issues now, but even those are lessening everyday...

as far as the RO, if a judge gratnts that, in Cal its refered to as a TRO (temporary) based strickly on a one sided arguement...if they painted you as a stalker and embelished everything, then the judge would grant the TRO, once you get served, you should have been given a court date, ususally within 2 weeks, the TRO is only good for about 14 days, (at least in CA)

you dont really need an atty, but i would recomend one, i would also check in with your local "legal aid" society, they will be able to guide you through the process...its not worth getting upset over it right now,

just a word of caution....like a boxing match, they "bloodied" your nose on this one, but the fight is long from done...OBEY the order...if you dont, you can BE arrested and most likley they will push for that!!!!

you dont need that to compound the problem...

just sit back and think with a clear head, and get some good advice from your atty or legal aid...

im praying for you!!