Five years now since PA- lots of hardships- decided to finally give up- accept- forgive and go on. I told myself that I would put it behind me but that there would be no more "mistakes or inappropriate behaviors" It's worked - well semi-until last week, a friend informed me that someone else had told her boss that my H had "hit" on her. Because of the he said, she said and it involves bosses and employees I am not free to confront and ask. Also, I doubt I would get the truth if I did. My husband can be a total jerk- does not understand inappropriate behavior- if a woman says that she has a tatoo but it's in a place that's "secret" he respons with "let me see"- Basically he hasn't a clue-

My question is this, I promised myself, I told myself that I would put it behind me- what now- follow through- he knows I have been in a down mood for the past two weeks and is insistent on "what's wrong with you"- I refuse to answer- tonight he stated that "he'd done nothing wrong" I just agreed and said "yeah, your're right, you've done nothing wrong. It is about to drive me up the wall ARGHHHHH and I swore I would never go through this again. Talking to him will not work- he is the biggest liar on the earth- proved that over and over and over to me. I would rather talk to a tree bug than him- at least the tree bug wouldn't try to fill me with "crap"- 27 years together- throw it away because I promised myself- even though I don't know the circumstances- or do the circumstances even matter? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It is patently clear to me that you have trust issues that have never been resolved in your marriage, or at least since the A. This is far more than about confronting him or not confronting him, it is about your not trusting your H and with good reason (he is a liar and past cheat). Acceptance and forgiveness are wonderful, but they're not enough. To me, they would be the base for building on, and building something better than previously was. You need to give the suffering you experienced MEANING. Otherwise what was it for?

In my opinion, if you are going to stay together, you guys need to look at this marriage and work that baby. Your only other option would be to accept the way he is, and live in perpetual mistrust of your H. Ask yourself which of these options is more appealing to you.