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This is a friendly public service announcement to remind people that PLAN A is [color:"orange"] ALL ABOUT PROBABLE CONTACT BETWEEN THE WS AND OP [/color] .
That is exactly what plan A is supposed to assist you with in addressing and dealing with.
Plan A is the time to speak your pain clearly without demonstrative emotional break down...
clear straight forward pictures of what contact does without powerstruggling..
You realize WS that each time you choose to contact the OP..that it would be simpler and easier on me if you were to just pick a knife and shove it in my back...That would be less painful.
and walk away....
no how could you you
why would you
simple direct picture words of the pain it causes...
plan A...all about continued contact..
you will cause yourself less pain and upset if you plan for it and expect it..
Only people in true recovery are held accountable for contact.....
people in plan A...should be preparing for plan B\
not focusing on no contact..
thank you for flying ARK-airlines and have a great day.
Last edited by ark^^; 03/17/06 07:09 AM.
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thank you for flying ARK-airlines and have a great day Hey... where's m'dang peanuts?!? Good point about Plan A, by the way... I like to also think of Plan A as practice for the rest of the marriage. Avoiding DJs, selfish demands, etc... this is important stuff to keep in mind. Afterall, we can't go all into 'Plan A' and then once we have NC switch back to obsessive drama mode... eventually we'd be right back where we started!
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DEWT.. YOU GET NO PEANUTS>>>> didn't you hear... too many allergies out there... and due to lawsuits arkairlines can not afford to serve peanuts coffee...(might be too hot) soda.....(might be too bubbly) pretzels.(too cruchy might damage dental work) but we will soon be coming around with a cart full of spam!!! NO ONE has a problem with SPAM!!!!! hope you and yours are all well... now sit back and enjoy the flight..it will most likely be a bumpy one.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ARKairlines...
Last edited by ark^^; 03/17/06 07:21 AM.
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Ark,
I read something the other night which goes along with this - it is about setting the goal at the beginning -
"The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome. If the procedure is reversed, the situation becomes the determiner of the outcome, which can be anything.
The absence of a criterion for the outcome, set in advance, makes understanding doubtful and evaluation impossible.
The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it."
ALWAYS keep your goal in mind and plan for situations like contact to happen...these things are a given.
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[color:"green"]nicely done, arkie
WAT
--------------
licensed to chill [/color]
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This is a very important topic for all in Plan A, a plan which is extremely difficult to do...especially while in duress with a spouse still lying and cheating.
It is of paramount importance that you understand that you cannot let every situation/drama sway you from your plan/goal. With the goal always in the forefront of your mind each situation can instead be used to help further your goal I.E. a chance to show your changes, to act with loving indifference, etc.
So I want this on the first page with a few more hits, dangit!
I'd also like to point out that Plan A is all about YOU (the BS), your persoanl changes and changing the dynamic of your R with your WS... and what the WS/OP is up to is IRRELEVANT during this phase of the plan to recover your M.
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weaver...
I have a lovely spam sandwich for you dear...
ARKairlines...
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Thank you, but I want the beer.
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BLECH!
I HATE SPAM!
Wookie loves it. Spam in the morning, spam in the evening, spam all day long.....................
(where's the little pukie smilie?)
LOVE the Plan A reminder, btw. LOVE IT!
I was the queen of "how could yous".....Now I'm the queen of MY OWN DOMAIN!
Saying "how could you" gives the listener POWER over you. Reminding them of the consequences of their actions keeps your power safely within you...or in Neak and my cases, cloaks you from their self destructions.......
- Kimmy
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I want the beer too..but I'm steering the dayum plane...
dealen de...no ONE likes spam...you don't have a choice it's
spam spam spam spam or spam...
and beer...
enjoy your trip
arkairlines
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Spam...with beer....shoot...if I drink enuf beer, I won't care about how the spam tastes.
Which beer? Shiner? Please?
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I was the queen of "how could yous".....Now I'm the queen of MY OWN DOMAIN!
Saying "how could you" gives the listener POWER over you. Reminding them of the consequences of their actions keeps your power safely within you...or in Neak and my cases, cloaks you from their self destructions....... Now this is kind of insight is invaluable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> PS: I know you are flying the plane Ark, that is why I felt compelled to be the co-pilot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Bump, bump, bump...please Ark, try and stay ABOVE the clouds.
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I was the queen of "how could yous".....Now I'm the queen of MY OWN DOMAIN!
Saying "how could you" gives the listener POWER over you. Reminding them of the consequences of their actions keeps your power safely within you...or in Neak and my cases, cloaks you from their self destructions....... Now this is kind of insight is invaluable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Por que? Btw Arkie...please cancel my beer and spam order. Just thought of what the hangover burpies would be like....I'll stick with my Hot Tamales I snuck aboard.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Does por que mean how so? say what? shut up?
What??????
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For why? Why is it an insight....
Or are you Seinfelding about the master of my own domain statement....lmao!
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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It's an important insight because you lived it...you were "how can you do this to me", and as long as you lived in that victim mentality, you had NO chance of working your plan A, or of changing the destructive dynamic.
I am learning that an important part of the plan should be monitoring what works and what doesn't work.
"do more of what works, and less of what doesn't"...so you must monitor whether your actions are bringing you closer to your goal or further away from it.
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Bumpity, bump, bump goes the plane...
I think it would behoove BS's entering Plan A to list their goals in writing (goals written down have more strength)...
With the MAIN GOAL first IE: Save my marriage/rewin my partner
followed by sub-goals of what needs to take place to achieve your main goal.
SUB-GOAL examples(not in order of importance here)
1. start an exercise program
2. join a support group
3. make sure children are stabilized and free from chaos
4. don't ever react to contact with the OP
5. identify where I fell short in the relationship
6. get WS to engage in short/light convo's
7. no R talk
8. get on A/D's if necessary
(only you know which sub-goals you need to focus on, so these are just examples)
Remember always, always keep your eye on the prize, so every little drama does not interfere with your plan.
And also that things take time...so patience is a virtue which can make or break you.
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Thanks for the chuckle Ark^^ -
And the good reminder about plan A.
When you start serving freshly made chocolate chip cookies I'll come fly with your crew.
Jan
ME - 46 yo
exH - 45 yo
Married 20 years
Three children 19, 15, 12
Multiple affairs, D-days, NC, and recoveries - all false
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Each day is a new lesson on forgiveness and peace
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weaver...
I have a lovely spam sandwich for you dear...
ARKairlines... Love the thread Ark. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Arkairlines......hm.... maybe we could start an WAT travel agency with guided tours in many places where the MB seminars take place. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> As for the 'spam sandwiches'.....out here in the islands.....we love our spam musubi. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> So no make fun of the spam!!! ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Aloha, L.
Last edited by Orchid; 03/18/06 07:50 PM.
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